***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***
Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…
One weekend when the girls were at my apartment for a playdate, we were having our normal gross talk comparing terrifying period tales, odd sexcapades, and the like. B was being a good sport and playing along, or at least not screaming in agony, which is pretty good for a guy.
Just as Maxie and I thought we’d reached the absolute pinnacle of grossocity… B suddenly looked over at our gaggle of girls from his safe zone of watching ESPN, and said THIS:
“That’s nothing.”
Wide-eyed, we turned and gazed at him, waiting with bated breath to hear what might be worse than reliving the variety of menstrual mishaps we’d experienced in our high school days.
He knew he had the room, and he milked it for a moment, looking each of us in the eye as the theme to Nickelodeon’s Are You Afraid of the Dark? began to play in the background. The TV suddenly went out, and the room grew ice cold as we huddled closer together- to keep the spirits away, of course.
“When I was in high school, I knew a boy…” B said in a hushed, dangerous voice. “He had a girlfriend that he was banging on the regular, which was a big deal in those days.”
We all nodded solemnly in acknowledgement.
“Well,” B knew he had us on the hook, and was enjoying every minute of it. “One day, we were all talking about whether or not we would have sex with a girl on her period. Some of us were for, some of us against… and then Steve spoke up…”
We nodded in unison. Who doesn’t know ‘that guy Steve’, after all? There’s one in every group.
“Steve told us that not only did they do it when Aunt Flo visited… he went DOWNTOWN when the crimson tide came in.”
“WHAT?!?!” We all jumped back, aghast! Never, never, never!
“And that’s not the best/worst part,” he whispered.
Surely there couldn’t be anything more horrible than THAT, we thought?
We were wrong.
“Before he dove into the Red Muff, he told us he would take two fingers on each hand… DIP them inside, like so-” He demonstrated in the air with a one-two punch- “And then streak them under his eyes, as he screamed,
‘WAR PAINT!!!’”
But exist he did… and needless to say, that story has quickly risen to infamy in our little group, and ‘War Paint’ has become our battle cry. In fact, we may have gone so far to relive it at a bar… Klassy Style. (To the tune of “Dick in a Box”) Step 1: Put that sauce on your face! Step 3: Let someone photograph that sauce on your face!
And that’s how you do WAR PAINT! P.S. A word to the wise… DO NOT USE TOBASCO FOR THIS. A friend told me that it burns like the dickens. Yeah, that’s right, dickens. Deal with it. P.P.S. And by a friend, I mean me. No, really… I can still feel it. Happy TMI Thursday! Don’t forget your war paint! Other awesomely bad TMIs this week… Maxie’s TMI Thursday: Just Can’t Get There cavy’s TMI thursday: where do they learn this stuff? Foggy Dew’s TMI Thursday: 175 mph Just Playing Pretend’s TMIT- We Found Whistles! Sebastian’s The blowback 69 Zan’s TMI Thursday: I’m a Little Ashamed of This, But Not More Than HE Should Be mylittlebecky’s going green (TMIT) Jassie’s TMI Thursday- Way To Eat Your Face Off BigSis’ TMI Thursday: Substitution, Please Mb’s TMI: on cougars, kittens, and being bad in bed ClaireMMD’s tmi thursday: puking with jesus Cora ‘s TMI Thursday: Gee, I Hope This Doesn’t Come Back To Haunt Me If I Ever Run For President…. Gladys’ Teenaged Embarrassment for TMI THURSDAY WickedCourtni’s TMIThursday: SBDBJ Nikki’s TMI Thursday: Pubic Humiliation Just A Girl’s TMI Thursday: The Hits Just Keep Coming Cheddar’s TMI Thursday: Don’t Step in That
Step 2: Laugh at that sauce on your face! 
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{ 116 comments }
BBQ sauce is always the most realistic– in color, texture, and taste.
Wait, what?
omg… If a boy did that with me, there's no way I'd let him go down or anywhere near me ever again.
I request…no…I DEMAND…a replay of this on Tuesday.
WAR PAINT.
Also, we are bringing dickens BACK. Fuck the haters.
forever. etched. in. my. mind. that steve guy is totally NBC (nothin' but class) lol lol
What a waste! I would have fed it to a leech.
hahahhahha War Paint lol.. that's the best… but the whole bat eating right there (Ozzy Osborne style) had me puke through my nose a little.
Do you know where I can find such a wonderful man?!
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
I bet he wasn't even getting laid. Because there is no way a high school girl would let a boy do that and not instantly die of embarrassment.
I knew a guy that liked to do that too. Not the war paint thing though. That's just weird.
"It's my dick in a box!"
That's hilarious. I know a guy who did this… minus the warpaint of course. He liked to call himself a vampire. *shudders*
…I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. hahahahah
I have no words. None.
War paint. Classic.
I was brushing my teeth while I read this. Rookie mistake, I know. I have since recovered from the near-choking incident. Well done, B.
the pictures are the best part! additionally, that is disgusting!
ok…we went from earning your red wings to war paint…either way i say ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!
I had a boyfriend in college who was a red winger. He went so far as to say "your clit isn't on the rag."
Now my comment is officially more TMI than my posting!
OMG!! As if WYR wasn't enough… I'll now have a grossed out/WTF look on my face all day… I must take this story out into the world! *runs away maniacally*
No no no. Boys don't do that. Girls don't let them do that. No.
Really?
Heeeeeee-LAR-IOUS.
I made it through your whole post and then threw up all over when I read Maxie's comment.
I guess these are the same guys that would choose the plug from yesterday's post.
It's just so wrong!
I love your description of B's storytelling. I found myself getting closer to the computer monitor. haha
Little know fact that Dracula's real name was 'Steve.'
True story.
Oh my god, you're kidding me?!!?!?!?!!?!
I wonder. Was Steve a baker? Did he also go downtown to sample if a shipment of yeast came in?
holey mackerel!
EWWWWWWW
but equally hilarious
but EWWWWW
Oh yeah, no doubt in my mind that Steve would probably eat the plug you talked about in your post yesterday.
What GIRL lets the guy do that? WRONG! Let's have a LITTLE class here ladies! Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Please help me find such a man. I mean seriously! Who doesn't like a little war paint in the bedroom. I like a warrior.
I think it's a good sign when any sort of battle cry is issued before going downtown….but that may just be me….
Steve – laziest vampire ever
I knew a couple guys that were into it minus the war paint. They were excited when I was on the rag. I personally think its gross but hey you want to go carpet munching while aunt flo is visiting go for it. Putting it on your face is going a little far for me. Way to go B! Great Story!
ummm.
I am often caught speechless on your blog.
OMG! That's insane!
Wow, Lilu, this is the pinnacle, you outdid yourself today. Congrats!
nasty…. Lilu every week you out do your self… LOL
i heard a term once called "getting your red wings". (ugh its so gross…) its when i guy goes down on a girl and pulls out her tampon with his mouth and THEN whips his head from side to side…. hence "red wings".
its wrong on so many levels….
Ohhhh nasty! I actually know a girl who started her period in a guy's mouth and they both just kept going. I would have DIED.
Oh God! I knew a guy who was known to do that. People called him Rudolph behind his back.
I'm participating. My first TMI THursday ever – EEEEP!! What do I do, LiLu? Just link you and leave my URL here? I hope that's right.
http://lovelettersbycora.blogspot.com/2009/06/tmi-thursday-gee-i-hope-this-doesnt.html
my insides shuddered at the thought of this. ewwwww. tmi win.
What.The.Hell?
I feel compelled to add my grossness. One of hubby's friends pissed on a package of Ramen noodles and ate them with his girlfriend after sex.
Between that and your post my lunch dieting thanks you.
I joined the crowd for TMI.
Oh and I had a friend who used to say you can lead a horse to muddy water but you can't make him drink, but sometimes you can get him to swim.
reminds me of a time a guy friend of mine did that to a chick…in his defense he said he didn't know it was that time of the month (not sure how he didn't know). he said he came up looking like he had a clown mouth. Whenever we see him we hum circus music LOL
… and that is why I'll never go to a Detroit hockey game the same way again… The End…
*closes book, then wipes off mouth*
Nice. The pictures add extra for sure. Extra like extra ketchup costs $.50.
Eeeiiiiiwwwww!!! Who is this Steve guy? Hahahaha!
Ah, delightful. I can only hope of one day being half the man that Steve is.
THAT is just wrong!!!!! EWWW.
Disturbing! Aaahahh!
Grossssssssssssssssssssssssss.
But you are so pretty. <3
and.
http://thepqnation.com/livingwicked/2009/06/tmithursday-sbdbj/
That's so gross I can't even think of a funny reply. Ewww.
Oh LiLu! I would have loved to be in the room when B told that story. That's priceless. I'm only even a little grossed out right now because it's just so funny!!!!
Ho man. The tears. lolz
Oh my gosh, ew. Good one!
hahahaha I'm saying no to war paint, like ever.
Oh my god. That's fucking hilarious. I just like that he yelled.
Ahahahhaha!!!
There was a similar rumour about a couple I knew in high school.
As far as I'm concerned, downtown may not even EXIST for those five days. There will be no visits of any kind.
Personally, I think you could do a whole TMI Thursday on "baited breath". Anything having to do with bait and breath sounds pretty gross to me.
(After our conversation at The Reef a couple of weeks ago about spelling and usage, I feel that you can take this: It's "bated").
i think if that happened to me i'd actually be too stunned to do anything. like, i feel like i should kick a guy out of bed for that? but i'm pretty sure i'd just be frozen in disbelief.
That is effing hilarious. clearly the only way to one up it is to introduce a headdress into the equation.
and, yes, watching Last of the Mohicans will never be the same.
I have got to stop reading the comments here. I do fine and then I literally gag as I read these suckers. Oh man.
The reinactment made you the gueen of my life. Queen.
I knew someone that claimed to do this. What are the chances there are two of them? Or MORE?????
This post had me at "Are You Afraid of the Dark" and the theme song. Holy crap… War paint.. love it. Wow.
I think this was a chapter in the Crue book The Dirt.
That whole book is pretty much the TMIT bible. Cross dressing, drugs, fights, bodily fluids, sex with food, it's got everything.
What did one vampire lesbian say to the next vampire lesbian?
"Thanks, see you next month babe"
War paint! I love it!
I've heard that the Hell's Angels HAVE to go down on a girl during the Crimson Tide. For like, gang initiation or whatever.
Hahaha! That's disgusting!
WAR PAINT.
our klassiness outlasts all.
I tagged you on my blog! check it out!!
also…gross.
BARF.
I love the word "dickens"…it makes me giggle.
And as much as I love the oral treatment, I'd never let a guy go down on me while I was on my period. One actually offered once; he said I could take a shower, stick a tampon in, and he'd just "lick the top". WTF?
It took me to get well into my twenties to let a guy even fuck me during "that time." He said, "If I can stomp through mud, I can fuck through blood!"
Not better than "War Paint!" though!
But… but… but wouldn't it just taste so bad?
Oh boy, that Steve dude was something .. urgggggh ! War paint ! lol
EEW! There was a girl in my sorority whose boyfriend told her she "tasted like mac & cheese." I thought that was bad, but this might be worse.
Gonna go ralph now. Haha!
hehehe. Good stuff! I dated a freak like that… briefly!
heeeeelariously gross.
HAHA. You used TABASCO SAUCE?! Classic! LOL
this whole story is wrong. I have a hard time believing Steve really did that and STILL continued to bang Penny-period-a-lot, but whatever. That's just gross.
There is NO going downtown. There is LIKELY no nookie, either. (hey, if we're bringing back dickens, we can SO bring back nookie)
haha! Actually I knew a guy once who used to talk about that all the time… He would ask everyone if they had "Earning their Red Wings" and then proudly advise that he has his in folds. True story.
Eww. That is gross. I don't think I could EVER let a guy go down on me when Aunt Flo was visiting…..it kind of goes with the same mentality that I don't ever let my husband see my poop, so why would I let him see that? SICK. SICK. SICK.
And I have a worse story than that…a friend of mine had a boyfriend who used to like it when she shit on his chest. And then rubbed it around….I think that he had to rub it around though. But SICK.
I have facial hair.
Think gasket.
Think flavour saver.
Nuff said.
YAY Kudos to B for making entry to TMI !!
Lilu .. you are the absolute hands down on the ground sista bestest teller of all stories!! I heart u !!! my idol ! <3
hah B did not let us down today.
I was in a restaurant when I read this and I just started laughing pretty hard. My business partner was looking at me wondering what the hell is so funny. I changed the subject pretty quick.
LOVED how hilarious this post was btw.
Aaaaand further proof that you and B are MADE for each other!!!
Also, eeeeeeeeeeee!
You never cease to crack me up. When I was in high school my boyfriend asked me if we could still do it when I had the crimson wave going on. I said no and asked why he would even want to. He said "Well, Corey said a bloody dick is better than a shitty dick". I smacked him right up the head. Back then I would NEVER even dream of doing the dirt road and found him disgusting. Ah to be young again…
Jeez. Poor kid was just comfortable with his sexuality.
And his fuckbuddy's bloody schnazz.
Awesome. I'm trying it next month.
NOOOOOO!!!!!! Ew, ew, ew! Crap. Now I am totally gonna think that the next time I'm pickin' cotton outta my hole.
Wow, would never ever let LB go down during the time of the month. I'd prolly throw up from the enjoyment that dude got outta doing it. and cute pics! =)
O-M-G-! Laughing so freaking hard!! This has got to be one of the best ones… ever!! LOVE IT! and by love it and i mean thats GROSS & I can't believe that someone like that exists!
Holy fucking shit girl. This is one of your best stories of all time. I lovelovelove the campfire scary story setting you gave it.
I really don't know what to make of the War Paint. As for finding a guy who is willing to munch the red carpet, that's marriage material right there.
I doubt tobasco is very good for your pores… Totally gross story though. I never want to meet this Steve, ever.
OMG OMG. Hilarious yet disturbing. And all the comments are equally hilarious yet disturbing. Awesome!
twisted steve. oh steve oh steve.
agggghhhhh and holy crap that one is funny!! pure hilarity my dear. i needed that today! iLu
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.
Oh Steve. You're so right, every group has a STEVE.
I can't believe you used Tabasco. OMG. Reason #5678 why you rule my world.
Oh Steve. You're so right, every group has a STEVE.
I can't believe you used Tabasco. OMG. Reason #5678 why you rule my world.
Too gross.
The friend I refer to in my latest post, though, has had that happen to her, too (minus the war paint). So, I guess it isn't too rare of an occurrence.
Yuck.
Shawna's Study Abroad
I'll never be able to watch a silly cowboys vs. indians movie the same way again.
That is unbelievably gross. And war paint? Really?
steve is sick nasty, yo.
can't wait until you sport your hoodie with such words.
While reading this I was totally hoping that YOU were the girl that Steve did this to, and B didn't know it was YOU.
I'm sick. My apologies.
WAR PAINT!
I'm sitting here on a train, browsing the internets because my travel buddy is asleep. I stop by on a whim to see what grossness you have for is.
You had me cringing at going downtown while Aunt Flo was visiting (bad memories and all that) but war paint…as in? No. Just no.
I had to read it twice to believe what I read.
I will never be able to hear the phrase WAR PAINT again without thinking of this post (lol)
That is so WRONG! Seriously…But I love the song remake!
I want to print out these photos and carry them in my wallet.
Someone should give that man a fucking medal.
Only think more disgusting than this post? Maxie's comment.
*barf barf barf*
Really?
I'm still trying to process this. EW!
Thank god I wasn't eating. lol
OH
MY
GAWD
That is almost as disgusting as anal sex.
um did B go to my hs? Because I definitely heard a similar story about a guy two grades above me in hs that enjoyed going down on his gf during aunt flo's visit. freaking ew!
dear lord that's disgusting!
b may have the best tmit ever. definite top 10.
OMG. B has completely took the cake this week with TMI…
that is fucking disgusting.
Back in the olden days when I was in high school and we walked ten miles in the snow to get there, the boys called this "red wings". I always thought it was an urban legend. Perverts.
Groooosssss in the whole new level. Mad respect for Steve. Ahahaha WAR PAINT!
That IS pretty nasty (and hilarious), but not THE nastiest thing I’ve ever heard.
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