You may remember that last week, B promised us a guest post. Well he may be a day late and a Susan B Anthony dollar short, but he came through, as always (TWSS). Please to enjoy, my loves!
(And bee-tee-dubs, ladies and oddly curious menfolk, don’t forget to enter my Hello Kitty vibrator giveaway if you haven’t yet! Thru 11:59 PM tonight.)
Today I am going to recount for you an unfortunate turn of events that happened to a good friend of mine. (Some names have been changed to protect the not at all innocent.) Picture for me “Scott”, a 30-year old gay man who works as a lobbyist for (equivalent Fortune 500 company, say… Goodyear Tire).
A few weeks ago, his lobbying team was asked to help out with a charity event featuring several Members of Congress back in the home office in Illinois. Specifically, they were tasked with getting Members to attend and attending the event to make sure none of the home office people said anything politically retarded (as they so often do).
All and all the event was a success, with 4 out of 5 Members making the trip and only a few minor gaffes. As Scott and his boss Laura prepared to fly back to DC, they realized that there was only one flight back to DC that day, and they were booked on it (unintentionally) with several Congressmen. As a result of assholes like Abramoff, flying with a Member of Congress (if you paid for their airfare) is illegal if you are a registered lobbyist.
Depressed that they would extend their stay in bumfuck Illinois to a fourth night, he and Laura received a surprise call from their CEO’s secretary. Somehow, CEO “Jim Smith” had heard about their predicament, and coincidentally was flying in his private jet to DC for some Important CEO Thing. Happy to have some face time with their CEO, naturally they jumped at the chance.
The flight couldn’t have gone better. They all chatted, he was welcoming, funny and all around a good guy. Most importantly in the span of two hours, Scott didn’t say anything terribly stupid (new personal best). So all and all, a huge success.
They were about 40 yards off the jet, walking across the tarmac to the car service… when they heard the co-pilot yelling for Mr. Smith. Scott turned, and to his horror, saw the pilot waving something in the air as he ran towards them. Immediately Scott’s mind accounted for the possessions in his arms… and quickly realized that a few of his PERSONAL DVDs had been dropped.
As the pilot neared Scott could see, to his complete horror, that he was indeed holding two DVDs. Assuming they belonged to CEO-Jim, the pilot discreetly handed the items to him, as Scott stood by in despair. He could tell by the look on the CEO’s face that he was very, very confused as to why he was holding these DVDs. After a moment, he turned to Scott and Laura, and very solemnly asked…
“Does the complete third season of the Golden Girls belong to either of you?”
Like any good boss, Laura immediately began laughing uncontrollably. With no other option, Scott sheepishly stepped forward, claimed the Golden Girls, and said “just catching up on some TV (from 30 years ago).”
Career FAIL.
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[Ed. note: I hope that as you read this, you were as convinced as I was that it was going to be some super X-rated gay porn... he got off easy with these lovely ladies!]
{ 87 comments }
Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like Bea?
LOL. Hey "The Golden Girls" was a great show! He should have been promoted!
Did I read this wrong, or are you saying that you need to be gay in order to enjoy 'The Golden Girls?'
Because if laughing at the crazy antics of Bea Arthur means that I need to start manhandling penises, then I'll need to go get me some rainbow pants, stat.
Its always good to have an inside joke with your boss…um…and Golden Girls is pretty unforgettable!
lol, I was so sure it was going to be some hardcore porn, but nope… just the golden girls.
Wait, so no one else stays up real late and watches Golden Girls on any channel they can find…
Not that I do that or anything! *laughs nervously
Oh, I'm sure a porno has been made that spoofs the title a bit.
"Golden Shower Girls" or something.
That was too weird to have made that up…. Career failure was too good for him!
That's when you just have to own it. "Yeah, I watch Golden Girls – what of it?"
Quality TV right there.
Season 3 is out on DVD now? how did I miss this?
Oh the Golden Girls… I accidentally watched a marathon back in May…
Please, like no one has ever been turned on by Blanche. That chick was wild!
I can't help but be let down after the excitement of the title.
I must say, B, you do pull an excellent Bait-and-Switch. Well done, well done.
I have (not so) secret longings and desires for Betty White. I betcha the woman can do things with her tongue …
Only a real man would own up to owning GG Season 3….
Awesome! Simply awesome.
I loved watching Golden Girls when I was little.
And I love the photo of you and B. You two are adorable!!
I was never one to get into the Golden Girls but my friend LOVED them and we made so much fun of her. This is a great story!
Also, I gave you an award on my blog if you are interested.
It has the word fuck in it so you know it's good.
That's effin' classic.
It could have been so much worse.
Sooooooooo much worse.
Everyone gets off easy with the Golden Girls *wink wink*.
You know what I'm talking about.
I think the only other guy get turned on with golden girls would be my grandpa.
Ew let's not think of that.
I have a thing for Betty White.
I love me some Golden Girls.
LOVE this? Does he also have Desgining Women in his home collection?
That. Was. Awesome. All my gay friends love the Golden Girls, too. There's just something about those sassy broads, I guess!
Those Golden Girls… they are so damn crazy! They are always getting themselves into something!
Maxie's right: it could have been so much worse.
It could have been Empty Nest.
Wow, that is way worse than the gay porn I had imagined.
Um, (looking at feet) I have that in my Netflix cue. I heard Season 3 was the best. It's spot # 4. (go hides in the corner)
Seriously, that just shows what fabulous taste he has!!
I'm thinking that was just the golden girls case…and it was really a golden showers dvd inside. The golden girls are so unassuming…
That is hilarious! I was SO expecting a different type of "personal DVD". Hahah!
GREAT story. It made my day. Glad it was only Golden Girls…
Lol. That was an awesome story! Great cliffhanger!
PS-I watch the Golden Girls every night. =)
Love it! I got so nervous for the poor guy… I was getting rebound embarrassment for him. Hah! Golden Girls – classic.
Oh I almost forgot I left you a blog award on my page!
He was so so close to being out of the clear…but it could've been worse, and at least his boss laughed, that's gotta count for something.
HAHA, that's pretty awesome. and that's embarassing in a slightly awesome way, at least? it's not, like, child porn. everyone knows the golden girls rock.
Great story, perfectly told!!!
Well done Mr LiLu!
It would almost be better if it was porn. Unless it was pornof Betty White.
Well, things could always be worse. It could've been "Cop Rock" DVDs.
ahaha, I love the golden girls! I It's probably not as rare as you think. I think guys are afraid to admit it.
I have so much more respect for anyone who watches the Girls.
Funny, though I guess the DVDs could have been far worse…
A friend of mine did some nude videos for her art degree (of herself). Not kinky or anything, but very very nude. She recorded it on an old video tape and didn't update the label. Somehow her mum found it and tidied it away. A few years later the whole family were in the living room, someone was looking for a film to watch, the tape got put on and #bang# nude videos to all the family.
Poor thing! The boss should have taken the rap for it. Though, personally, I think the Golden Girls freaking rock.
Hilarious story (is it really true?!0 — I forgot how hot the Golden Girls were (thanks for the pics). Love the referral to bumfuck Illinois.
goodyear tire?!? go akron ohio baby!
oh that wasn't the real company name? i'm going to continue to pretend that i was ok?
I wonder if director commentary would be really boring on the Golden Girls?
ha ha ha. well told.
Dude, I love the Golden Girls! I totally wanted to be Blanche when I grew up. All wrinkled and old, but not at all embarrassed that her vagina had needs.
Lovely ladies they are/were … I know Betty White's still around. Where's Blanche?
That. Is. Hilarious.
and yes, my mind went to gay porn at first.
I'm pretty sure Walter likes The Golden Girls.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
I watch the Golden Girls. I will regret admitting this.
Ha! What?!
OMG, I so had a pregnancy dream the other night…I was at a restaurant and for some reason needed to get my hair done and a mani/pedi….well, the table next to us overheard me saying I didn't know where to go, and Bea Arthur turned to me and said that she would send me to her stylist's salon…..I freaked out b/c I didn't want her haircut…ROFL
That's HILARIOUS!
Nice one. =P
I already love Scott! MARRY ME?
No? Okay.
i have 23 episodes of the golden girls on my tivo right now….i think ill get thru half of it tonight, i feel inspired!
faneffingtastic!!! I LOVE IT. yaaaaaaaaaaay scott.
lolol
Ha! Great story.
LMAO … well done story teller B ..
* blows out the fire on my melting marshmallow stick from the camp fire*
Loooooved it ! Thank you for sharing
Everybody loves the Golden Girls, its a given. Just makes me want to sing the theme song "Thank you for being a frienndddddddd-"
BTW – loved Sophia
One of my all-time favorites. My DVR is embarrassingly stuffed to the limits with Golden Girls' eps. Whatever–it was the original Sex and the City. Elderly style.
lol @ mr apron's comment.
and lol @ the post. wth. ahaha.
Haha! Awesome ending. Loved this story.
That is hilarious girl! Does b have a blog? Cuz maybe he should. . . And then maybe you guys could compete to see who could out TMI the other one! ohmigawshthatwouldkickass!
A good woman would've stepped forward to claim it before her male coworker could embarrass himself. A good woman I am not. Props to Laura.
haha i totally thought it was going to be worse. how can you not be proud of the golden girls? i mean really, they rule.
I love it so much that it was the Golden Girls. Love it love it love it.
Where the hell's the gay porn? B…dude…you just short-circlited me. Which is why (ooh a segue, wait for it, wait for it…) Lilu should send me the Hello Kitty vibrator.
See how nicely that works out??!! Eh? Eh??
Man, I was almost disappointed that it was a Golden Girls DVD…though that is almost funnier than the gay porn I was expecting. Hmmm.
Now I'm concerned about having so many gay boyfriends. Wonder which golden girl I am? Let me check and see if facebook has a quiz for that.
what the hell is this show?? is it about old ppl???
Forgive me, it's been along time since I watched the Golden Girls – Was that the one with the four cross dressers?
How come that got seven season while something as good as Studio 60 is canned after just one…..
Definitely was expecting porn! But, the Golden Girls is even better. hahaha…awesome.
who doesn't love the golden girls. I too was expecting porn. lol
Mr. Apron: Great. Now I'll have that song in my head all day…
Hannah: Oh, I agree! Anyone who doesn't love Ma is a Hitler.
moog: PLEASE. Also, take pictures.
Lady Jane: I'm willing to bet it actually HELPED his career
liferehab: Badum CHING!
Marie: I watched like 9 episodes last week. No shame.
Badass: HAHAHAHAHA!!! I love you!
buffalodick: Oh, I assure you this is not made up.
Liebchen: Me too! Agreed.
Herb: 1-7! Get yoself the box set!
Dmbosstone: And last night…
iihtpf: Rowwwr!
Ben: Tres sorry, my dear… but don't pretend like you don't love the girls…
mjenks: I picked a good one, all right.
Snay: Oh. My lord. You did NOT go there.
LMB: A real (gay) man…
justjp: Right?
Meandering: Aw, thanks babe!
Kellie: YOU are good! Thank you, love!
Deutlich: Totes magotes.
Maxie: So, so true.
saratogajean: I can't resist… THATS WHAT SHE SAID.
Andhari: Oh, you went there…
JPP: You and Snay need to get together.
Tee: Who doesn't?
Kate CH: I'd put money on it…
Jersey: "Sassy broads" – EXACTLY!
Matt: I read that like a robust black woman said it. "They so crazy!"
f.B: TRUTH.
Kristina P: Worse… but more awesome.
redhead: Obviously, it IS the best!
Kristin: Agreed! Hopefully his boss thought so, too…
Nikki: Blanche isn't so innocent…
Lacey: Me too! Love it.
RCaitlin: So was he, I bet. And thank you so much!!!
Nickie: Who can resist their sass? WHO?
Wendy: "Rebound embarrassment" – love it!
Wonderful: He's gonna laugh his way to the top.
Alice: Duh. Especially Ma.
S&C: Thanks, on behalf of my man
Meghan: I just threw up a bit.
BeckEye: Oh, you just had to go there…
Tellie: Oh, I believe it.
WendyB: That goes without saying.
mo.stoneskin: That is pretty much the most awkward sitch I could ever, EVER imagine. Yikes.
Kim: There's no 'think' about it. THEY DO.
Bethany: Every word! I can't make that shiz up.
alexa: I bet he threw that in there for you
Eric: Not on Golden Girl porn, though… what?
Hotch: B thanks you.
Jill: Our vaginas will always have needs, and we will shout it from the rooftops!
Miss Rosa: Blanche is kickin'. Ma and Bea have left us, I'm afraid. RIP.
Super Girl: How could it not?
Jaime: He better!
verybadcat: Oh, so do I! No shame here!
Ali: Totes.
FTIO: Bea was great at a lot of things… hair was not necessarily one of them.
Eggy: Seeing as he's gay, that *may* be a problem…
Fizzgig: Love those girls. I do.
Vittoria: Ha!
Hanako66: Yes indeed.
Wendy: Thanks!
hbprincess: Where's my s'more?
Kimberly: I am singing right now. Can't you just hear it?
Children90s: As you said, Blanche was truly the original Samantha!
the girl: Haha! Thanks!
Sadako: It is a gem.
los_tartist: He used to… but he is lazy.
Sub Sweetheart: Oh, I wouldn't have either. No way!
Katelin: I KNOW!
Lisa: How could you not?
TishTash: I can see the smoke coming out your ears…
blacktulip: Definitely funnier!
Spellbound: Oh, I am SURE they do.
Awesome Sara: WHAT?! Get thee to a Blockbuster, IMMEDIATELY!
BlackLOG: How dare you hate on GG! They are saintly!
Brooke: It is better… so much so.
Blondie: I know! Haha.
I see nothing wrong with owning The Golden Girls on dvd.
Well, almost nothing.
OMG!!! (hollering at so loud) thats too funny and yes I was expecting some xxx stuff. I say he gets cool points in my book.
Gay porn might have been easier to explain…
This was 100% hilarious. And Im dying laughing at mooog's [Rod's] comment.
OMG, that was great!!
lmfao!! awesome!! hahahahaha!!!