(Hey, ladies, did you enter my giveaway for an enormous purple sex toy yet? No? Click here!)
I am exhausted from wayyyyy too much fun this weekend. Which means y’all are getting bullets.
And you’re going to like it.
The highlights of meeting the newest member of B’s and my planned Mormon colony in Utah, Alexa…
- Upon meeting her, humping Alexa’s left leg while Maxie worked on the right.
- Playing Survivor: Washington, D.C. in Rock Creek Park with only sweet tea vodka and 10 other debaucherous, non-naturey but hilarious people to find your way back out. Mission: Start a fire and cook food with a firepit but no grill. Upside: Get totally turned on when B proves that all those years of watching Bear on Man vs. Wild have finally paid off when he fashions a makeshift grill by basket-weaving strips of aluminum foil together. And it works. Rawwwr.
- Watching Deutlich drop her drink into a million little pieces within the first half hour at a bar on Saturday. Then, even SWEETER, to watch Alexa chastise her for doing so… and mid-sentence, get knocked in the elbow, which sends her own drink plummeting to the ground IN THE EXACT SAME PLACE fifteen seconds later.
- Celebrating the absolutely gorgeous Katertot‘s twenty-tenth birthday in the company of many of my favoritest people on the planet. You know who you are.
- Seeing f.B‘s face as he watched Maxie (try to) rap to Lil’ Wayne.
- Knocking over my glass of champagne at The Diner ONTO my french fries, which were accompanied by an ever-classy bacon cheeseburger at 2 am. I promptly separated the still crispy fries, ordered another cham-pag-nay and toasted myself. Cause that’s what champions do.
- Skipping down the street, randomly bursting into harmonized song with Alexa while completely hungover (still drunk) the next morning.
- Every last delicious minute of a loud and morally corrupted brunch, during which period clumps, Cleveland steamers, unprotected sex, penises of all shapes and sizes, and about 40 That’s What She Saids were mentioned… at which point we finally noticed the table containing two small children directly behind us.
So… when are you coming back?? My heart already aches for you, my little plum.
In other news… I fucking love my crazy-ass friends. *SMOOCH*
Update: I somehow forgot to mention the two-hour country-rap-80s dance party at my house while pregaming on Saturday. Trust me, it was worth mentioning… Don’t believe me? At one point, I twittered this:
LivitLuvit: Me: the way I dance is like dorky white guys fuck. Maxie: Yes. Yes it is.
{ 81 comments }
It makes me tired just to read this…
WARPAINT. fo realz.
alexa should PROBABLY make an appearance in DC sometime near the end of june. just sayin’
Dang it! Cavy said it before me! But I’m going to repeat: WARPAINT!!!! And adult diapers.
So, I’ll take that as Maxie has no rap skillz?
you ladies are too cute!!! …loling to bullet point 3
Matt – I swear to goodness, Maxie’s got better rap skills than most rappers. Seriously.
Lilu – AAAHH! Best weekend ever! I want a do-over! Or a repeat. Or a time travely thingy-majig.
wow – busy one! i need a nap now.did you drink some red bull?
i sure hope i win!!!!
Now I want to try fries with champagne, thanks a lot!
the though of “war paint” makes me gag, STILL.
it was so wonderful to finally hang out with you my friend – birds of a feather, that’s for sure.
also, i don’t really remember the spilling champagne on your french fries and i was sitting across the table from you, oops.
good times, good times.
“day and night, the lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night”
Dontcha love it when your man goes all MacGyver and saves the day?
Skipping down the street dunk is always a favorite pasttime of mine.
Time for you girls to come out west.
Haha, that is very Man v. Wild of him. I’m impressed.
So Maxie will also be rapping in the soon-to-be-forthcoming dance video?
Oh the period clumps…such a constant they have become.
Sounds delicious!
I don’t think there’s any better brunch than a morally corrupted one. The raunchiness goes so well with breakfast.
I cannot believe you just said I TRY TO rap. You know I’m amazing. Thank god Deutlich is here to stand up for me.
I would’ve cried from laughter if I got to see Alexa take a dose of her own medicine. Too fucking funny!
Ima party with you someday.
Sounds like a fun weekend. …And sweet tea vodka is AMAZING.
So, how do I join this Mormon compound? I’m already Mormon and living in Utah. It’s meant to be!
hmm, how was the fries and champagne? This seems like such an obvious question yet no-one has asked!
(P.s I totally forgot to post that package last week but have done it today!)
I bet those kids will have a lot of questions for mommy and daddy after sitting near you girls.
Sounds like it was a blast!
I am so boring.
But… you didn’t order new fries?
When do we get to see the video?
Sorry, Lilu. Alexa is all ours. Naa na na na naa naaaaaaa.
Yall have so much fun! I’m jealous…
Point #1 – I hate you for having the exciting life you have. (No I don’t, I’m just jealous.)
Point #2 – My company just got done with a project in D.C. called Ingleside at Rock Creek. Made me smile to see you mention Rock Creek because in my warped mind I have a connection to your fun weekend while mine was lame.
Laterz!
Cleveland Rocks!! Serious fun!! You crazy kids
I am realizing every day that I am actually going to need to go to DC.
Wow, that sounds like a blast! Maybe as fun as my Foreigner concert?
Haha, don’t knock it til you try it, it was actually a GREAT concert! 
“Survivor: Washington, D.C.”
Still laughing at that. You use words real nice.
And my face? I don’t even remember. My face has a face of its own.
Sounds like you guys have been drinkin too much sasparilla!
Oooh, that sounds like fun! How far is D.C. from Pittsburgh?
I always used to douse my fries in champagne. The problem with that is champagne goes to waste. It is much more efficient to drop the fries in the champagne.
ha! sounds like a great weekend!!!
I would totally love to just watch all y’all hang out. It would probably be the most fun ever. Just watching.
Ahh, sounds like you had a fantastic weekend! I had a similar experience, thanks to Preakness. Here’s to a week of recovery before doing it all again next weekend!
Cheers!
Did you try the champagne-soaked fries? Fries dipped in milkshake are delicious. Champ Fries (?) could be the new thing.
My mind is so firming entrenched in the gutter that when you wrote “y’all are getting bullets and you’re going to like it” I automatically thought of the sex toy.
I thought “yay! lilu is upping her give away!”
You dance like me?
Once every 3 months?
One day, I just might have to come to the D.C. area to hang out with you people. Seems too fun.
I can’t really put a comment together. Too blurry eyed from crying with a mix of amusement and intense jealousy…
Kate: You and me both. Ugh.
cavy: “Warpaint” is now officially our battle cry, methinks.
Marie: Definitely adult diapers. DEFINITELY.
Matt: She does, actually, that wasn’t fair of me. You should ask her to prove it.
…love Maegan: You should have been there. The expression = PRICELESS.
Deutlich: All of the above?
Kristen: There was Red Bull involved. How’d you know?
SkylersDad: Don’t do it! The crispiness of a fry is a sacred thing.
alexa: “day and night- night- night” I’ll always be your backup singer, my love.
Courtney: It was hot. I ain’t goan lie.
LBluca77: Best done while wearing pigtails and not falling, if possible.
Children 90s: He got laid. Just sayin.
shine: The video sort of… maybe… didn’t happen. Now we have to go visit ALEXA… stupid drunkness!
Lemmonex: And yet I still gag every time I think of the jelly shivering.
Kim: “Morally corrupt” is how I like all my meals.
Maxie: I didn’t really hear it, to be fair. Now I have to see this.
SoMi’s Nilsa: I laughed for about ten minutes straight. Truth.
Dr Zibbs: If you know what’s good for ya!
Megan: It really, really is, isn’t it?
Kristina P: Oh, hells yes- it’s a party!
jen-tsk: Not good. I like my fries crispy with a side of extra fried goodness. And thank you!
Liebchen: I wonder if the dad can even answer “Cleveland steamer”…
Shannon: Never!
peterdewolf: Too drunk. Food in mouth NOW!
Patty Duke: That is a work in progress… but there will be one, I promise.
AAB: I am totally jealous. For reals.
Briana: You shoulda been there
Jaxie: If by “exciting” you mean “you’re going to Hell,” then YES. And that’s so cool- I have no idea what Ingleside is, but we probably drove by it.
Bon Don: She does, that one.
LivingWicked: No DOY.
Kellie: Oh, I would be there SO FAST if I lived near you. Ain’t no shame.
f.B: All those bugs! We thwarted death!
Mr. Condescending: I don’t even know what that is, but probably.
los_tartist: Too far
Get your tushy down here!
mo.stoneskin: You’re so innovative! I want you by my side next time I run out of TP. Wait…
Hanako66: For sure, love. It was magical.
Jaime: I know you didn’t mean it like that, but that’s one of the creepier comments I’ve ever gotten.
Holly Golightly: Oh lord… I’m going to need all week!
JFo: Champ-Frites. Duh.
lustyreader: Actually, I’m surprised if you were the only one, considering it is me after all…
moooooo35: I can’t believe you’re the first one to mention that.
amindinmotown: DO IT DO IT!
verybadcat: Next time…
Having that much fun in a weekend should be made mandatory then illegal at the same time lol
Please bring the entire crew to Cleveland. You need to see Alexa on her home turf.
champagne at the diner sounds like something straight out of the Countess’ LuAnne’s etiquette book. (thats basically the highest of high honors in the classy department)
you always have so much fun…i’m jealous!
the glass spilling thing.. stuff of movies! too perfect!
an aww, i want cool blog friends to hang out with in real life. sounds fun!
I would like to say that I am SURE you don’t dance like dorky white guys fuck…my ex was a dorky white guy and guess what there was no fucking for a year. So yeah.
OMFG, How I miss those days. Oh crap. Who am I kidding? I never HAD those days. But I miss them nonetheless. Thank God for living vicariously through other peoples’ blogs!
tweet I just found a parking space /tweet
“Upside: Get totally turned on when B proves that all those years of watching Bear on Man vs. Wild have finally paid off when he fashions a makeshift grill by basket-weaving strips of aluminum foil together. And it works. Rawwwr.”
Oh NO! Women get sloopity and wet when their men prove themselves to be competent?
Uh-oh….
Now THAT, my sweetheart, is what I call an ass kicking weekend. The only way it could have been topped is if one of you would have gotten an ill advised tattoo.
I will visit you one day and we will totally get ill advised tattoos.
Sweet tea vodka=love of my life. My bf brought it back from Charleston when he was home and I’ve been obsessed ever since.
Sweet tea vodka sounds almost as good as champagne french fries. The classiest french fries of the bunch.
Ha! Now that’s a dance I have to see!
That sounds like an amazing weekend, for reals.
What is this sweet tea vodka?
haha seriously you ladies are amazing. i love it all.
HAHAHA your tweets were getting me through my boring weekend.
“The way I dance…”
Priceless.
i ddn’t enter bc i already have one.
ain't karma a bitch? LOL. (re deutlich & alexa – drinks flying & landing)
Gotta be honest… after reading this, I’m probably relieved I didn’t join Saturday’s picnic.
haha any weekend deserving of bullet points is a good one
how were those bubbly french fries, by the way? interesting combo!
Champagne and french fries? You and I are kindred spirits.
Country-rap-80′s dance party? I’m hoping you’re referring to three different genres rather than some odd band I never heard of. Rascal Ice of Seagulls, maybe?
You always have the best weekends!
I got so drunk this Saturday at a wedding that I peed on the lawn of the Hyatt when I couldn’t find my car. This was after I tried to steal a golf cart.
I need to know this diner that has champagne….maybe its a chain and there is one in Detroit!
i’d like to see this dance you speak so highly of.
ummm…i have a weird obsession with mormons. like very weird, can’t get enough.
and ohhh…a purple sex toy giveaway? you’re so generous!
Oh my god you guys make me laugh. I read Alexa’s recap of the drink dropping episode, and it was still hilarious when I read it here.
Glad you ladies had an amazing time!!
glad you guys had such a great time! xoxo
I kind of refuse to believe any of this until we see video evidence. =) But seriously, though, it sounds like you had an amazing weekend!
On my next 101 list.. I am adding you! Well I’m not techinically goingt to “do” you (I don’t think B or Big Man would appreciate that..who the fuck am I kidding B is having a menaige marriage with all you girls : ) )….anyways my life will not be complete if I am not able to have a alcoholic beverage with you…
You and the gang should go on a drinking world tour so all of us bloggers can join the festivities : )
ohhh myyyy gawddddddd do i seriously need a girls night out like this.
I’m jealous of your crazy, fun weekends LiLu. I spent the weekend throwing up (and not because I was hungover, but because I was sick the whole time!:( )
This makes me oh so happy! And also, oh so sad.
Serena: You can’t make good clean fun illegal
Narm: I believe it. We’re working on August…
Julie Q: It really is. Thank you so much.
ria: I owe it all to my girls, for real.
floreta: It seriously was out of a movie. REDIC.
Jossie Posie: That’s true… I dance my little heart out.
msdarkstar: Right??
M@: Was that for Friday’s video?
Mr. Apron: This was more than competent, my dear. This was AMAZING.
repliderium: Mine’s going on my left cheek. (But which ONE?)
Lindsay: They sell it other places now, too! Like ONE BLOCK AWAY FROM ME. Le awesome.
Meghan: Now I am day dreaming of fries with sweet tea vodka WITH a champagne float… boo ya!
Riff Dog: No. No one will ever see. (Oh wait, I already posted it… crap.)
Gabby: Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka… trust, it is AMAZING.
Katelin: We are special. In an amazing way.
Elizabeth Marie: I should probably get a tattoo of that. You know, for inspiration.
Awesome Sara: Fair enough… and good work!
the girl: She was that night
Kate: Not a MacGyver fan?
Sarah, TNG: They tickled a little on the way down.
BeckEye: Duh.
Chris: Three different… maybe I should have played them all at once, though! Genius!
JoLee: Um. Why the HELL were you not with us??
Lady Jane: Unfortch it’s just a small chain here in DC… but you should start a revolution if there’s no place you can get booze with your bacon and eggs. Truth.
amanda: I wouldn’t say I’m speaking highly of it… but there is entertainment value, at least.
adriana: Alexa is amazing = amazing time. I wish I had a picture of her face when that happened, though.
Wearing Mascara: Wish you were there!
Elizabeth: Thank god, for once there are no videos. I think…
Lil’ Woman: A “drinking world tour”… I think you might be on to the GREATEST THING EVER!!!
Ella: So did I. There’s just nothing like it, is there?
HannahBlue: Ohhh BOO. I’m so sorry, love muffin!
Vittoria: You shoulda been there. Debauchery fits you well.
Knocking over things when drunk is classic, my dear. One should embrace it. You know what sucks? cigarette butts HAHA
That makes me sleepy.
And you almost lit D.C. on fire.
you need to move to Florida lil woman and I want to drink with you!
I love reading about blogger meetups!