***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!***
Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***
Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…
This week, we are lucky enough to have a very special Top Secret guest post from one of DC’s longest-tenured (I speak English?) and most renowned bloggers. She emailed it to me, saying that she was unable to post it on her own corner of the interwebs, and I was all too happy to offer it a home here for all of you to read. After all, there’s only so many times I can shit my pants, no? Maybe next week, I can shit yours… Wait what?
Without further ado, this week’s TMI…
This past Sunday night I took a massive crap. And I flushed the toilet and went into the other room. Several hours later when I was ready for bed I went to go pee and put on my anti-wrinkle cream on the eyes. (Oh yeah, I’m trying to un-do several decades of real-sun tanning.) At this point I realize that the crap from earlier in the evening was still in the toilet, half visible, half in the hole on its way to our DC drinking water supply. I tried to flush again. Nothing. So I had to plunge.
My plunger looks like this:
Not like this:
The poop goes away, I flush again and its on its way.
I wake up Monday morning smelling the distinct smell of sewage. I was in a hurry for work so I figured it was just the residual poop stuck in the toilet pipes, flushed again and went to work. I came home Monday night to find the sewage smell was stronger. I poured half a gallon of ammonia down there, flushed, and went for a run. I came back and the ammonia had dissipated, and I smell sewage again. Gross. So I do what all girls do when there’s big trouble. I called my daddy.
Me: Dad! I clogged the toilet last night and I didn’t know. Three hours later I plunged it out but now the smell of sewage won’t go away.
Dad: So, the toilet won’t take anymore of your shit, huh?
Me: Spare me the jokes! I’m living in a third world country right now.
Ultimately he suggested I contact the property manager to see if there is a “building blockage.” I emailed someone in our building who had recently complained of a sewage smell. I didn’t go into details about my massive shit. I just asked if she had the issue because now I do. She didn’t answer.
Bitch.
I pour more ammonia down the toilet and go to sleep. Tuesday morning I wake up and it stinks more. I am literally lying in wait to hear from someone else, anyone else, that they have this issue. But no one pipes up. I ask the Building Manager and he says no one reported anything. When I get home from work Tuesday I scrub the toilet. Under the seat, under the rim. Everything. Tuesday before bed I still smell it.
I’m crying now.
I go to sleep and wake up Wednesday morning. In that moment when I was awake but before I officially shut off the alarm and opened my eyes a thought struck me:
Maybe there was some water trapped in the plunger and it leaked onto the floor.
I jumped out of bed, picked up the plunger and saw this brown circle stain on my precious Italian tile. I got the rest of the ammonia and scrubbed that shit, literally, clean. I went to work a happy camper. Woo hoo!
Then I got home Wednesday. The smell was back with a vengeance. Now you could smell it out in the hall. I was so depressed. I went for a run, then went to the kitchen to start cooking dinner. While I was standing in the kitchen, a little voice from my subconscious said during the silence of my brain: “You know, that plunger was pretty heavy this morning. Heavier than usual.”
I dropped my spatula and ran into the bathroom. I picked up the plunger, braced myself and turned it upside down to look in.
Do you know what dried out, 4 day old, impacted poop from a vegetarian looks like?
It isn’t good.
Do you know how to get that poop OUT of the plunger once it’s dried?
It isn’t good.
I had to “plunge” the shit OUT of the plunger. I sucked the toilet water inside the plunger to soften it up, to get it to come out. It didn’t work the first time. It didn’t work the second time. It didn’t work the third, fourth and fifth time. By this time, the poop was revitalized enough that I really truly wanted to vomit.
Finally, the water softened the poop up enough and I heard a big thud and splash. There it was. Last Friday’s food, Sunday’s poop, back here visiting on a Wednesday.
I have to go scrub my ass now. EAU!!!! And I’m buying a new plunger. Just the sheer design of the one I have (stupid Home Depot) is asking for disaster. I need the one that looks like an upside down cereal bowl. Not a freaking xylophone.
Happy TMI Thursday, love kittens!
Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…
Sassy Little Ginger’s TMI Thursday: A Little Q and A.
Maxie’s TMI Thursday: TMI Thursday: What’s Your Range?
WickedCourtni’s TMI Thursday: Not My Crotch Crust!
PorkStar’s TMI Thursday: Where is (His) Waldo? ***NSFW***
LustyReader’s TMI Thursday: Truth is Stranger Than Fiction
PQ on cavy‘s spot: TMI Thursday: It’s Not a Torpedo, It’s a Mushroom!
mylittlebecky’s period (TMIT)
Cassie’s TMI Thursday: Honeymooning
The Demigoddess’ TMI Thursday: I Love the Vibes I’m Getting From You
saratogajean’s I May Have to Take Pervert Classes with Liz Lemon: A TMI Thursday Overshare
Fearless in Toronto’s TMI Thursday: I’m All About Breaking Boundaries
JFo’s TMI Thursday: But Wait, There’s More…
Sean’s TMI Thursday: My First Drunk Experience
Megan’s 911, What’s Your Emergency?
Olga’s TMI Thursday: You’re a Young Lady Now
Miles To Go’s TMI Thursday: Karma is Nasty!
justjp’s Fire in the Hole!
Just Playing Pretend’s TMI Thursday – In Your Face!
Wearing Mascara’s TMI Thursday: Sleeping in a Pool of…
The Foggy Dew’s TMI Thursday: From the (HACK! COUGH! AHHHHHH!)
Gladys’ TMI Thursday: A Hunting I Did Go
Claire’s TMI Thursday: My Apologies
bing’s TMI Thursday: I’m Just Glad We Weren’t In Public
iNDefatigable mjenks’s TMI Thursday: Chuck Mangione Style
Black Tulip’s “Bodily Fluids” Just Sounds Dirty
The Pumpernickel’s TMI Thursday: The FML Edition
Liebchen’s TMI Thursday: A Little Like Slimer
Jen’s TMI Thursday: Surrrrprise! Anal Sex!
Just A Girl’s TMI Thursday: The Worst (and Most Wife-Beatery) Sex I’ve Ever Had
Selaen’s TMI Thursday: Talk About Beautifying Yourself
LifeRehab’s TMI Thursday: Carrie Without the Blood
Vittoria’s TMI Thursday: The Internet is For Porn
Kendall’s TMI Thursday: A Card-Carrying Man Whore, That Would Be Me
Shannon’s TMI Thursday: Probably the Most Embarrassing Thing I Will EVER Post
Dysfunction Junction’s TMI Thursday: It’s Warm and Squishy and Ickkk…
{ 78 comments }
Hahaha. I’m doing my first TMI post today. Is it okay if it’s not about, er, poop? I’m starting to think TMI Thursdays are all about it. Hahaha.
Oh godddd. You should have just thrown the plunger out. I don’t think you can ever remove a 4 day old poop stench from anything.
Well, you are much nicer than I am. I would have been hard pressed not to drop the plunger in the building manager’s dust bin, perhaps the one in her office. Of course if you could find out who designed the thing you could have boxed it and delivered it to his doorstep, thus sending him back to the design drawing board.
I know I should not read this while eating. I really don’t learn my lesson
I’m with Maxie, should have just thrown that thing out. And who makes a plunger like that?! Definitely not going to Home Depot anytime soon.
I love this story. Doesn’t seem “TMI” to me! Ha ha. What does 4-day old vegetarian poop look like? I am a vegetarian… I never though my poop may be different. Maybe I should ask my dad if I can see his to compare(he eats meat), since he’ll be in town this weekend. LOL! Now that’s TMI! ha ha
Oh, the HORROR!
There’s another chick vying for female moog.
It still doesn’t come close to you reaching down your pants to feel your own shart though.
Here’s a tip for you all: Go out and buy 1 second plumber. It’s a can full of compressed CO2 that blasts that turd down the shitter.
Also, it makes if fun to plunge.
You’re welcome.
I’m sorry…You kept the plunger why?!
One thing I’m going to be looking forward to is not having to plunge my 17 year old bro’s shit out of the toilet everytime he takes a massive dump
I think I love your smartass dad.
Oh man. That plunger was so fancy looking and everything! Dissappointment for reals.
That plunger looks more like a really dirty sex toy. Adding 4 day old shit to it, just makes it an even more dirty sex toy.
Okay, I just officially grossed myself out.
Yeah, I’m siding with Marie, Maxie and PQ. Throw that shit out.
I’m feeling somewhat unwell now! Seriously, I would NEVER have thought to check the plunger! I would’ve died from the smell! x
Disgustingly hilarious.
Too funny!
Omg! Too funny!
I totally called the poop in the plunger as soon as I saw which one she had… those things can be tricky…
I can’t believe you even tried to clean teh thing… I would ahve just tossed it in the dumpster and got a new one…
to me the cost of buying a new one is worth having to clean the old!
That is so funny. And that is the weirdest looking plunger I have ever seen.
hahaha, they should design the plunger with a mechanical spatula to remove the residue… quite gross for sure. But funny story.
Wow, plunger design fail. Did it cross your mind for a second to try and return it to Home Depot as is (or track down the designer and mail it to him)?
Does is sorta look like dried out, 4 day old, impacted poop from a dog?
Cuz I found that on my shoe once.
And I know what that looks like.
“Do you know what dried out, 4 day old, impacted poop from a vegetarian looks like?”
Well, maybe not the 4 day old part, but yes, vegetarian poop is almost as bad as Taco Bell poop.
I’m with Maxie. I would have thrown the plunger out and never told a soul. Well, expect on the Internet, of course.
I would rather move out.
i almost didn’t know what was gonna happen, it had to be somewhere!
Oh god, grossness. I have never even seen a toilet plunger like that!
Excellent guest post!!!
I have to say…. that has NEVER happened here! woot! of course…. I have a regular old plunger
(I’m too cheap to buy a fancy one…. now I KNOW better tho!)
linky dinky please
http://milestogobeforeisleep4.blogspot.com/
Oh man…yeah, I would have tossed that plunger immediately. No good can come out of a plunger that has crevices like that.
i have this exact fear actually. that my plunger will harbor renegade poops.
lol i agree with maxie- should have thrown the plunger out.
Lilu, I don’t know how to link to your post other than I put it in my story. I have posted the chigger story just for you my love.
Oh and I would have tossed the shit and kaboodle. Um I mean kit and kaboodle and went new plunger shopping.
I do not give a shit.
I do not care for shit.
I do not know shit.
I do not take shit.
I do however leave shit.
LOL I’m so happy she was able to share this here!!!! Love it
Hey can you link my TMI to your post when you have a chance? Must of missed it
xoxo
Truly disgusting and yet quite amusing
Now that is a funny damn story! Nice.
ha, wow. that’s quite the story!
We have A LOT of toilet stories at our house.
Apparently, you really aren’t supposed to flush the tampons down the toilet.
hahahahahhahaha alllways check for friends in the plunger. always.
Usually, when the first sentence of a post causes me to snort laughter through my nose, it’s a sign of good things to come. And by good, I mean wonderfully TMI. I salute you, LiLu.
Speechless…truly…still in shock.
I was yelling at my computer, “Check the damn plunger!!!”
I got very into this one. I was concerned, excited for the result, and mortified. Well done!
I’m with Maxie, I would have thrown the plunger out. F trying to get the poop out of the plunger. A new one would have been worth the $3.
Also, you run a lot. Could you please instruct me on how to get myself to run a lot? Kthx.
Oh good lord! I knew there was a reason to not get that type of plunger! Heck no. I’m with the ladies that would have thrown the entire thing out. It would’ve been out of my house SO FAST!
I’m now dry heaving at my desk. Oh fuck me and my hyper-sensitive gag reflex. This is precisely why I try not to ever read these TMIs. Blech.
Yeah, the accordion-shaped plungers are NOT cool. In the least bit. I mean, it’s bad enough having to call your dad. Even worse, being the one who has the poop in the toilet that he has to put his hand down to get it unclogged so everyone could take a dump. That was not one of my proudest moments. . . and now I loathe the accordion-plunger w/ a passion!
http://amomentinthyme.wordpress.com/2009/04/30/tmi-thursday-surrrrprise-anal-sex/
I am horri-morti-terrified of this ever happening. I will simply have to buy a new toilet if we ever have clog issues from now on, because of this story.
I have absolutely never considered that it could happen…but I will forever live in fear!
You finally made me gag. Gah I hate plungers anyway. It’s necessary I guess, but how disgusting that you keep something that touches your pee or poo on occassion.
HA HA HA HA “Not a xylophone”
See, now this is why I drop the deuce at public restrooms and other people’s bathrooms.
I’ve just posted my TMI thursday post. Now, I gotta warn you.. It’s not about poop or sex. Shock shock horror horror!
xx
http://ordinality.blogspot.com/2009/04/tmi-thursday-talking-about-beautifying.html
i love to read these!!!! hahahaha. i have an experience like this also.
Demigoddess: Not always… there’s the many P’s of TMI!
Maxie: What about your ass? HEYO
Spellbound: I love your wicked edge, seriously.
insomniaclolita: It’s been months… come on, now!
Marie: Or ever. GROSS.
kilax: Please report back. KIDDING. Or am I…?
Deutlich: Smelltastic.
Mike: You don’t think I’ll do this, do you? YOU’RE WRONG.
PQ: Um, aren’t you moving it with 2 or 3 boys…?
Christina_the_Wench: So do I! That was my favorite part.
saratogajean: Orange, even! Pretty!
Shannon: And me, too. That’s hard to do.
Fearless: Sliding? This is what the cool kids are saying nowadays?
jen -tsk: For DAYS on end! The horror!
Megan: As usual.
Kelly: We try!
Caroline: Thanks, love.
Dmbosstone: I’ve never fought quite THAT hard with one myself…
Woolly: Lesson learned, I’m sure.
Cassie: Hands-down.
PorkStar: A mechanical spatula?? Your mind works in strange ways, my friend.
JFo: Oh, I LOVE that. I would have saved it for some revenge…
Greta: Oh, man… are my new kittehs going to do that too??
Racquel Valencia: We would expect nothing less from you.
moooooog35: Liar. Laziness trumps a little poo every time.
mylittlebecky: I know, it’s so suspenseful!
nancypearlwannabe: Probably should have been the first clue…
Miles To Go: We have the reg too… I hope it’s enough. But if not, at least I know I’ll get a TMI story!
Liebchen: “Crevices”… *shivers*
Mb: “Renegade Poops” sounds like a great title for a TMI, no?
Gladys: Yay! I am SLAMMED at work, but I can’t wait to read it. Thanks love!
Wearing Mascara: Got it! My stupid reader sucks sometimes… sorry love!
Girl On A Journey: That’s pretty much the motto around here.
justjp: And it wasn’t even mine!
brookem: A Tale, even.
Kristina P: WHY oh why are you not doing TMI Thursdays, again?
Sarah, TNG: I really was unaware… I will from now on!
The Pumpernickel: *Salutes back* and likewise, my friend.
Velvet: See, nothing like this would ever happen to you…
JPP: I freaking love you. That is all.
shine: Me too. Or, yanno, AT ALL.
adriana: I’m sure she did after reading the comments
freckledk: Oh, you would LOVE to know who this was….
amomentinthyme: I’m a dad-caller, too. It’s humbling, but he’s usually right. And thanks for playing, love!
f.B: Not just a new plunger? You’re hardcore.
Nikki: Of this, and the toilet snakes.
Brandy: I agree- and where do you keep it?? Just sitting on the bathroom floor? VOMITOUS.
WickedCourtni: Your mom’s a xylophone. What?
TishTash: Don’t forget portapotties. Every time I see one I head straight for it. Yum!
Salaen: Oooo… can’t wait!
Kristen: Share! Share!
Why do poop stories never get old? And why do we like to tell more poop stories the older we get?
I love that story!! I will never ever plunge a toilet now. Here’s my TMI
http://liferehab.wordpress.com/
i would have tossed the plunger right
away. no use keeping that stink-infested thing around.
i would have been gaggingggg!
Your FACE is one. Does this mean that you are my mom?
That would make sense in a really twisted way.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha…she is a riot…that was great
I’ve noticed a worrying trend about TMI Thursdays – a lot of us bloggers are girlies and yet we talk about poop and farting quite a bit lol x
Well this seems about right.
my dad was a plumber when he was alive. That is the best kind of plunger to get. the cereal bowl ones dont work as well.
so, it did its job….but euw you had to clean your turds out!
Absolutely GROSSSSSSSS!
I would say eww, but after a portajohn incident I can somewhat sympathize.
Surrrrre someone else wrote that.
Fizzgig is right, those are the best plungers. Somehow my mom always manages to clog toilets. My fiance as well. I know plungers.
Ewwwwwwww.
I don’t think my stomach can handle TMI shit stories every week…
speechless? drunk? *shit*
speechless? drunk? *shit*
speechless? drunk? *shit*
speechless? drunk? *shit*
speechless? drunk? *shit*
speechless? drunk? *shit*
Yuck! drunk OR sober LOL
I’m not sure I’m doing this right, but here’s the link to mine.
Loving this TMI thing: http://icanhasissues.blogspot.com/2009/04/tmi-thursday-its-warm-and-squishy-and.html
I needed the laugh! Thanks Lady.
TMI Thursdays: That’s just wrong. That’s why I love it so much. Sort of like driving by a train wreck, you just have to look.
haha eeew. I’d just toss the plunger instead of clean it. Sad thing is, I visualize when I read…ahaha
oh wow. this makes me clench a little just reading it. why didn’t you just throw the whole thing away immediately???
Gee, I have never seen a plunger like that! lol you really SHOULD change it!and er,is it still in your house?
I have the same plunger andI hate trying to unlock the toilet with it…it never fails that there always some shit stuck to it.
Oh dear! I saw a van today that belonged to people who unblock drains.. They called themselves “The Poo Police” and their little slogan – “You squeeze it out, and we’ll jet wash it away!”
No joke – how gross is that?!
I once clogged the crapper at work with a feces monster…and I’m talking about one of those power-flushing toilets that seemingly have an outboard motor…
That is when I realized how much I rule…
this may be one of my all-time favorite tmi’s!
I just laughed till I cried!
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