It’s that time again, peops! (FYI, read all the past “Shiz My Boyfriend Says” here.)
But first, a short Public Service Announcement…
I will be road-tripping to New Yawk Citay with my DC harem, aka the lovely lovely Lemmonex, Deutlich, Maxie, and dmb5_libra. We’re headed up next Saturday, May 2nd, and will be chillaxin (read: flashing boobs and generally tearing shit UP) at the Village Pourhouse, on the corner of 3rd Ave and 11th Street, circa 9:30 p.m. (More and funnier deets here.)
So far, we’ll be meeting up with these delightful peoples: my DARLING cavy, Chris, idontliketoread, Wordy Ninja, Kat and Lauren. If you’d like to swing by and hang, please do- I promise, you can’t miss us. Just look for this.
AWESOME.
And now, on with the show…
On finding out I owe $1300 to the Feds…
B: But at least we have each other!
LiLu: (Sigh) True. And I would gladly pay $1300 to have you.
B: Yeah! I’m a high class whore. That’s what you were implying, right?
LiLu: Obviously. Now take off your pants!
(Must’ve been noon…)
At the airport on the way to Charleston, we pass an expensive jewelry store…
LiLu: Why the hell is that store open at 7am?? Who on earth is buying a $10,000 necklace NOW?
B: I was planning on it until you said that. Now, you’re lucky if I buy you breakfast.
Later at the airport, we walk by a middle-aged couple…
Woman: Baby, do you have to potty?
Man: [Clearly embarrassed as hell] No…
We bust out laughing before we’re even past them- it can’t be helped.
LiLu: I can’t believe she just asked a 45 year old man that!
B: You ask me stupid shit like that all the time.
LiLu: Well, maybe, but I’m obviously KIDDING.
B: Maybe she was too. And now he has no balls.
In the kitchen, B sneezes, then wipes the wood floor with his foot.
LiLu: Did you just sneeze… and wipe it up with your sock?
B: Yeah, but my sock has a big hole in it, so it was basically the least effective clean up of my life.
LiLu: Yet another moment when I truly know we are made for each other.
While arguing over who “seasons” better while cooking…
LiLu: Have you TASTED my burgers?? I am way better at spices than you!
B: The only thing you can do better than me? Is WHORE.
My angel.
Happy Friday, lovahs, and hope to see some of yoos in the Big Apple next Saturday!
{ 69 comments }
Um. The potty thing? Yeah. Guilty.
Wow, come hither baby. I love that picture of us.
Is Deutlich bringing the crop? God, I hope so.
I’m so jealous! I want to Road Trip!
I’m going to tell my wife tonight that she whore’s better than I do.
That should go over well.
Look at all the hot blogger ladies!!!
Wish I was on the east coast right now.
B kills me!!! You guys are hysterical together!
And friends of mine are right now getting ready for a bachelorette weekend in NYC! UGH Damn reponsilbe me has to work!!!!
You two are cute in a self deprecating kind of way.
Hmmm…I’m in NYC. But although I’m pretty cool (if I do say so myself), being the bloggy sort, I have the potential to become suddenly socially retarded in large groups of people I don’t know. Promise me that you won’t throw tomatoes at me or give me wedgies, and I will try to make it.
By the way, you missed the Snuggie pub crawl by 2 weekends. Fire your booking agent.
It breaks my heart I won’t be in NYC for the meet-up. I LOVE boobs.
Oh and the company.
But mostly the boobs.
i TOO will be in new york next saturday! well, probably. but back in the district by nightfall, alas.
i love b. i mean, not in a sexy way. but in a, aw, you’re just the bestest way.
Sounds like so much fun and lots of mischief you ladies will be up to in NYC.
Just please remember to take your cameras.
Come to Boston!! Come to Boston!!!
LOLs we will be in NYC the same weekend. I’m making up my failed trip to visit the old roommie that weekend.
Who says “potty” to anyone over the age of 6? It is just creepy.
Wuv, twu wuv.
I’m way better at spices… that was my favorite and it was actually you!
Have fun on your trip!
I can just hear it now, every five minutes on the way to NYC:
“Do you have to potty?”
“I have to potty!”
“I just went potty in my pants.”
You are hilarious and should have your own reality show.
Have fun in the NYC
Have fun in NYC! I’m completely jealous.
Kate: He insists I am, too, but I'm not buying it.
Lemmonex: We exude sex and vodka.
The Maiden: Chicago's not that far… come on up!
moooooog35: Just don't tell her it was my idea.
Matt: Duh. <3
Shelly: Booooo! Next time, darlin.
Dmbosstone: I'll take that as a compliment.
BeckEye: Oh, you better, love! Yay! And every night's a Snuggie crawl when I'm there…
Narm: What's company without the cleavage?
Vittoria: Ah, boo. At least I'll see you tomorrow, no?
Marie: Oh, there will be pictures abound. Otherwise, how will we remember anything?
hannahjustbreathe: Memorial Day weekend, I'll be there!
Mb: You guys should meet us out!
ifihadtopickfive: SO creepy. *shudder*
Gladys: Now I'm going to have that guy's voice in my head all day…
Kim: Ha, thanks! I try.
Fearless: Well, definitely, now that you SAID it…
Zipcode: Thanks, darlin! And I'm sure we will
Megan: C'mon up!
god we are going to have so much fun!!! i just peed my pants a little thinking about it.
I can’t wait to get to that point with the new BF…a girl can dream.
Yanno, that riding crop is still in ma trunk. Ya just never know when ya might need it.
And also? GODDAMN I AM STOKED AS HELL ABOUT NYC! But first? This weekend. OMG I NEED IT NOW.
Jossie, I can’t wait to get to that point with my BF of TWO AND A HALF YEARS! I need to step up the silliness.
thanks for the comment you left on my blog.
I’m impressed with B that he has that kind of range and splatter with his mucous.
That is so weird, but I was literally just thinking about NYC!
I have a friend who is moving there for the summer, and she said I could come and visit, so I’m trying to figure out when I can get out there. I really can’t pass up free accommodations for a weekedn, because the hotels are so damn expensive!
Have fun in NYC..wish I could be there!
Loved the jewelery line! : )
You coming up here to the big A?!? Woo hoo! Would love to hang…
Now, wife is guilty of asking me if I have to go potty pretty much when we are getting up from a seat. Actually, I don’t mind her asking me that as long as she uses the word pee. “Hunny do you have to pee?”. I don’t mind answering that outloud. “No baby, I think I need to go number 2″
It works better when you are in a restaurant.
: )
Sounds like a fun-filled weekend in NYC. I’ll be missing you by two weeks. Please leave it in some semblance for my trip!
So…he’s a high class whore, but you do it better? That’s what I’m getting out of all of this.
*And I would gladly pay $1300 to have you.*
Yep THAT’S love right there!
I’d be looking for change outta a $5 from SB
Have a GREAT NYC weekend!
Lol. The other day when I went into work I was complaining that my stomach hurt. And my boss says, “Well, why don’t you try to go poo now before the dinner rush.”
He was totally serious. I said, “That’s ok, boss. I’ll poo when I’m ready to poo.”
The over/under on “times LiLu, Lemmy, Maxie, Deutlich and dmb get lost on the way to the Village Pourhouse” is currently at 4.5.
I especially liked that last one, whore. Ha ha ha!
In all my travels, I’ve still never been to NYC. Me=jealous. One day I’ll get to go. One day . . .
I clean up sneezes with my holy socks also, my wife hates it when I climb up on the kitchen counter.
this post was pretty much the highlight of my day.
it’s only 9am here though, so I guess that’s not saying a lot.
Have a great weekend!
I am so jealous that I live nowhere near NYC. Damn it. I want to come drink and flash w/ you lovely ladies!!!
That’ll learn ya to complain about store hours
Should I be sending out fliers warning NY of what is to come?
“The only thing you can do better than me? is WHORE.”
Best. Line. EVER.
i’m pretty much planning to model all future relationships on you and B.
Add a hurdy gurdy and a monkey and you guys can take the LiLu and B Show on the road.
There is nothing I would <3 more than to hang out with you party animals! but I am on the west coast and as I can't save a penny to save my life, I have well no savings for an emergency much less a trip! Uggh, this is a clear sign that this needs to change!!!
I love your twitter updates and all the shiz B says, hilarious! Happy Weekend!!!
I love road trips~!
oh and Im totally using this line:
The only thing you can do better than me? Is WHORE
cleaning up appropriately after sneezes is too hard. no one carries hankies anymore, and even then wiping spit/snot off of any surface is awkward. sigh, bodily functions are so complicated.
Newbie to your crib. Funny, girl, very funny. Will be back. With beer even… maybe …
you two definately are like peas and carrots!
OMG… all I can say is that I now look forward to Fridays to your ‘Shiz my bf says’ posts. I laughed so hard that some of my coworkers had to come check on me… hehe. Awesomeness!
you guys are hilarious
have fun this weekend!!!
Maxie: Me too! Twinsies!
Jossie Possie: We are a strange breed, keep in mind…
Deutlich: Keep it in the trunk for tomorrow, too!
Sassy Britches: 2 1/2 years?!? Oh man… I'm going to come visit and break him in!
Ter: Sure thing.
Mike: You're such a guy.
Kristina P: Let me know if you're there!
Lil' Woman: But seriously, who IS buying that stuff at 7am?? Redic.
PorkStar: Ha- we're pretty comfy with the toilet talk, but "potty"? Too much.
Nilsa: We promise!
Liebchen: That's about right.
fiona: HA! We will
Greta: That's the kind of boss I need, seriously.
FoggyDew: That's it?
los_tartist: NY is quite an animal. You have to check it out someday!
SkylersDad: Holy? Or holey? Both?
Hillary: Ha- it was a good thought though. Thanks chica.
Kellie: And we want you to!!!
JFo: True nuff! Never again.
WickedCourtni: I knew you'd like that.
Alice: I can neither support or deny this.
TishTash: PLEASE can I have a monkey?? Please mama?
Violet: I wish you could come too! Sometime you'll HAVE to make it to the east coast…
Bow Chica: Isn't he precious?
lustyreader: I'll try and make sure he doesn't sneeze on you tomorrow…
Christina the wench: Yay, thanks so much! *sips beer* I tried to check yours out… but it's private?
Fizzgig: Like Pete & Pete! Only romantical… wait what?
vazenchick: Aw, I'm so glad, hon!
Hanako66: You too, love.
How about “socks with holes”?
Holy crap! If I ever ask my husband “If he has to go potty”, please just go ahead and shoot me! LOL
WTH?
lol …looks like it’s gonna be fun!
ahaha! i’m gonna try to make it to the pourhouse to meet you guys (though i am hella intimidated). and i apologize for no video of j and i calling each other goaty-ass bitches, there just isn’t enough content sometimes.
And when it’s flip flop weather, he just wipes the sneeze with his toes? Or walks away?
Happy weekend, my sweet!
OMG I say potty all the time. I must stop this!!
Whores are cool.
I told my SO that I had a friend who posted some of her boyfriend’s verbal gems. We decided it’s best to keep our off the Internet if he wants to avoid getting hate mail/looking like a total fucking creep.
Hahaha shiz your boyfriend says is my favourite
My hubby would be too embarrassed to let me record his gems for the world to see. I just yell them out when drunk or with my family instead
Like I told Lem, I am so sad the weekend you guys are in my hood, I’m in UPSTATE NY for a Bar Mitzvah.
Promise you’ll come up again soon?
I do the NY to DC trip once a month–its cake…come bbbbbbbbbbbbbbback!
And have fun. xoxo
Aww. That’s real romance.
I wanna meet you and your fabulous blogger clique. HUHU I hate being so far.
SkylersDad: Deal-e-o.
HannahBlue: Right??? It was so bad!
…love Maegan: Fun… utter mayhem… same thing.
lucklys: You BETTER, woman!!!
Lisa: I’ll have to ask… happy weekend!
Briana: Yes. Yes you must.
rs27: No one is denying this. Not in these parts.
Racquel Valencia: I could post them anonymously…
Kez: That’s half the fun, no?
KassyK: Promise! xoxo
K @ Blog Goggles: Let’s hope so.
insomniaclolita: We hate it too!
You two have an…interesting relationship. LOL.
That’s some funny shit
This stuff kills me!
Hysterical!
And I would leave a proper comment except the lady that shares my offices is sniffing and hacking and gagging and I’m slightly nauseous because of it.
TSMBS always makes me giggle. Seriously, when are you two getting your own show? I can see the snot clean-up now. Grungy old holey sock and all.