I’ve decided that I want to start living like I’m 90 years old.
Seriously. Old people get away with the most OUTRAGEOUS shit. They can say anything they want, fart wherever they want, hit on people 70 years their junior… and everyone think it’s adorable.
I’m not saying I want to hit on 12 year olds. (How old is Ron Weasley, again?) And I already kind of fart wherever I want (my best friend, the SBD, huzzah!), but believe it or not, it’s the “opinionated” part I envy.
Think about it. At sporting events, in airports, at the bar… that grizzly old bear can rant and rave about the goddamn Commies or segregation or hate on the gays, and everyone just kind of shakes their head and ignores it. Sometimes, we even laugh… “Silly old person,” we wave it off. “They don’t know you can’t say “coloreds” anymore!” Religion, politics- they spout off about their beliefs and judgments as they please, and nobody blinks an eye.
Of course, those wouldn’t be my choices of topic- crazy bastard- but I am jealous of the fact that a loony old biddy can cuss someone out for not slowing at a crosswalk, whereas I will probably be left with treadmarks on my back (unless a homeless person unexpectedly comes to my aid shouting threats involving children’s afterschool snacks).
Now, I know I already don’t exactly keep my opinions to myself, *sound of snickering*, but I do have SOMETHING of a filter. A little bit of that special sauce we like to call “tact.”
But just for a day, I’d like to be free. I’d like to say whatever my little heart desires and not give a damn what anybody thinks about it. I’d love to be that offensive comedian that half the world loves for my brutal honesty, and half the world can’t bear to listen to because I’m “so crude and insulting!” I’d like to shout my true and possibly evil thoughts from the rooftops, instead of whispering them into B’s ear as we pass a knee-swinging FUPA (talk about a Dose of the Fugly).
Wouldn’t it be nice to just cut the bullshit for a day? No small talk. No fake pleasantries. No ‘making nice’ with people whom you wouldn’t notice if they vanished off the face off the earth forever.
Maybe it’s just the fact that I’m back to work after a five day hiatus and therefore my chair feels like it’s giving me hemorrhoids and my coffee tastes of the death of my free soul. But I would kill for just one day where everyone truly spoke their true minds.
There’d be some tears, I’m sure. But at this point in time, I’m thinking it’d be worth it. The truth hurts, sure. But wouldn’t you want to know?
Just one day… without the bullshit.
I have a dream.
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Frabjky, I do feel like I have cut a lot fo the pleasantries already. Why fucking pretend, I ask you?
I share your dream.
I love old people (but a bit less than I love cake!)
You took the words right out of my mouth. And honestly? When I DO say exactly what’s on my mind and the person I’m speaking with can handle it maturely and talk to me like an adult about it?
I decide right then and there that they’re a keeper. Because that shit is rare as fuck.
Old people do take certain advantages that normal age people wouldn’t….flirting with someone 70 years younger is cute, but a 50 year old hitting on 20 year old isn’t.
It’d be nice to have a pass on all bad behaviors for one day.
You’ve just described what I dream of doing at work everyday.
Now if it would only come true…
Speaking of FUPAs, did you see my Memory Monday photo of me hugging Mickey Mouses?
AAARGGGHHHH…. LILU WANTS TO TURN INTO RUSH LIMBAUGH!!!!
I’m going home for my grandmother’s 90th b-day this weekend. 90! God, I love that woman.
Maybe you should start a ‘Cut The Bullshit’ movement… we can get bumper stickers and everything!
I don’t completely fart wherever I want, but I have been known to cropdust these city streets.
By the way, have you seen the doc “Young@Heart?” If you haven’t, you MUST. Old people really do rock.
…. by the way, I love old people too, I really missed my grandfather…
That would be FABULOUS. I think I’d get kicked out of the PTA in five seconds flat – that’s usually how long into a meeting we get before I want to tell someone “Fuck you and horse you rode in on!”.
Ha. Awesome!
Fupas. Did the one you saw really swing? Usually, when I see them, it’s more like they’re glopping. Is that a word? Who cares. There’s no word to completely capture the movement of a fupa.
you have no idea how much I HATE old people. I mean some of them are nice and awesome, but my grandmother is horrible.
she has that “no filter” thing and she thinks that just because she’s old she can say racist, judging, horrible things to me and no one is allowed to say anything. for some reason a lot of them also think it’s okay to tip like it’s 1960 even though they bring their grandchildren who make a COMPLETE mess.
okay. i’m going to go calm down now.
That would be the greatest day of my life. To speak 100% freely about how I REALLY feel.
We should propose this as a national holiday. You’re in DC…get on it!!
huh. turns out i probably shouldn’t have been watching that fupa slideshow when someone came up behind my desk.
I want to go to all you can eat buffets at 4:00. Then I can tell people off with a full stomach.
i’m down with getting some bumper stickers started!
as george carlin would say as he praises the benefits of being old…. “you can even shit your pants!”
can’t do that at 22, I’ll tell you that right now. not that I have, but, ya know.
I already SAY what I want. But I’d LOVE to do the farting….and wear really big, ugly, flower hats. And muumuus. Can’t forget the muumuus.
There would be a great many people, many of them involved in politics, who would find themselves constantly being labeled flaming buckets of horseshit.
How glorious.
I would soooo do that Ron Weasly guy, and maybe the twins too. Maybe all at once. they are legal-and I’m not that old.
I remember one day responding to fake pleasantries with “Do you really want to know?” The faker ran off(maybe cause I was having a really bad day but still…)
I love the fact that Old People can pretty much get away with anything. They cut in line in front of you at the grocery and you just let them, they take your coffee at the *$ and it’s okay, they take your seat on the train, no problem they’ve earned it. Hey wait! I’m old and I don’t get to do any of those things.
This would be fabulous. It’s generally frowned upon now if I were to say “I just don’t give a shit” when my office manager starts complaining about construction, allergies, traffic, etc.
(Also, I love Ron Weasley. He’s my favorite.)
When I hit the big 8-0 I’m going to become a crack whore – with more emphasis on the whore part. I’ll be dropping my Depends for anyone who hands over their tapioca.
I can see the appeal of being able to say anything you want… For me, it’s more like NOT having to say things. I can’t stand all of the “good morning!” “have a good night!” “how was your weekend?” office banter. If I ask someone how their weekend was, I’m actually interested. Needless to say, I have no idea what anyone in my office does on the weekends.
I would love that. What I say basically brings me troubles. I’d like saying what I want, when I want
I’m not 90, but I’m a closeted sci-fi geek. I drop “Fraak” in public. Those who recognize it knows what it means. Those that don’t just wonder.
However in friendly company, the F bombs are dropped like there’s no tomorrow.
Ron Weasley is 28. This might seem like an arbritary date, however, the HP novels are set in the 1990s and Deathly Hallows in 1997. Assuming Ron was born in 1980, that’d make him 28 (possibly 29 depending when in the year he was born … don’t know that off hand).
My bf’s grandmother uses the “N” word on a regular basis. Actually in reference to Tiger Woods on easter day. It’s kind of awkward. Actually, it’s very awkward.
This is so, so true! I belong to this etiquette message board, and we talk about this all the time. Is being old an excuse.
Lemmonex: Why fucking pretend, indeed. This is why I love you.
belle: It is a shiny one, no?
jen – tsk: I'm gonna say more. I value the entertainment more than the sugar.
Deutlich: <— KEEPER.
LMB: Right? And then maybe have everybody's memories wiped so they didn't hate you forever. No big deal.
Marie: It'd be just like Office Space. (Sigh)
Shannon: I just went back and found it- PRICELESS!
Titania: Well, Rush Limbaugh… but, you know, with GOOD opinions. That's all.
JoLee: "Cut the Bullshit" – I'll start working on the emblem! Yessss
BeckEye: No, but I sure as hell will now…
Titania: Me too, babe.
Katy: FUCK THE PTA!!! There, didn't that feel good?
f.B: Oh trust, IT SWUNG. It was knocking between her knees.
Maxie: We've talked about this. Cute when it's someone else's, not so cute when it's yours and they're judging you… point taken, love.
Kylie: Writing up the petition now…
Alice: Oops. I guess a NSFW was warranted… my bad!
ifihadtopickfive: Mmmm… buffet…
SLG: Yeah, me either. Oh wait, I blogged it… guess there's no hiding it…
Jules: MUUMUUS! And I want an eyepatch! JUST BECAUSE.
tobwot: "Flaming bucket of horseshit" just became my new favorite insult.
Brook: Oh, yes. That would be my #1 retort to small talk… and it would be bliss.
Gladys: That's because you AREN'T old, silly bear!
Liebchen: (Mine too!) And I've been working on perfecting a look that says "I Just Don't Give a Shit"… it's almost ripe.
freckledk: I'm stocking up on pudding for your later years.
Kate CH: I really, really wish I didn't. However, they all seem to want to live vicariously through the 25 year old… no matter how boring I make my life sound.
insomniaclolita: Trouble ain't necessarily a bad thing…
thebmt: I have to stop myself from F-bombing at work, but everywhere else? Put earmuffs on your kid, lady. This is public and I have free speech.
Malnurtured Snay: Yes! My love for him is not child abuse. Sweeeet!
Dutchess: Yeah, it can definitely go too far. On a holiday, no less… ugh.
Kristina P: Socially, it is, whether it should be or not. And if there's one group you're never gonna change, it's them!
I think this particular dream depends on where you live (cough, cough THE UNITED STATES. No offense. I’m a dual citizen, so I can’t totally share in the prevalent worldview/stereotype of Americans.)
My hometown is what amounts to a fishing village in the Maritimes where even the elderly are nice to a fault. Everyone’s just a bullshit artist honing their craft!
God I love it when you do the thought provoking posts. However there is a down side to being able to say whatever you want. You end up with a lot of other people exactly like yourself wearing adult pampers and bitching about the fact that your children never come to see you EVEN WHEN THEY ARE SITTING IN THE ROOM!
I have told my children that if I ever get like that they have my permission to put me out on an ice berg.
I’m sorry Lilu, but have to disagree with you. I think tact is very important in everyday life and I don’t think it’s acceptable when old people say whatever they want.
I watched an episode of “House” where a guy lost all control of his “filter” and he ended up hurting A LOT of people by saying every thought that came to his head. I think if people went around saying exactly what they thought at every moment, we would be in a never-ending war with everyone (including ourselves). I personally wouldn’t want to live in a world like that.
I say start a bumper-sticker movement. Something like…
“My alcoholism may prevent me from getting old–
so I’m going to act old now and say whatever shit I want. Bitches”
I guess that’s too long for a bumper sticker. Maybe that could be the slogan?
Good idea, but should probably stagger when people get a no filter day. Putting everyone on the same no filter day schedule could have some disastrous consequences, ha ha.
Well if you live the dream, you must blog about it!
Do I sense a Cut The Bullshit Revolution coming to a head?? Seriously, I am with you 100% on this!!
Take this weekend, for example, when Miss California voiced her opinion 100% and all the flack she is getting for it. What gets me is that Perez Hilton (who I read religiously) is causing this huge uproar over this girl answering his question honestly and giving her opionion. Earth to Perez, YOU do that for a LIVING, so why be such a hypocrite when someone else shares their opinion, just because it differentiates from yours?!
And the farting wherever would just be an added bonus!
agreed.
and seriously?? the FUPA? i love that you’re bringing that back. i mean not personally but you know…lol
I managed a Residential Home for Seniors for around 15 years and can say in all honesty that “nice” people grow into “nice” old people and “nasty” ones become 100% nastier as their filter disintegrates.
Your dream can’t become reality my darling, your too feckin NICE!
Heeee?
Heeee??
(That’s me doing an imitation of an old person that can’t hear)
You are right. And, have you noticed they talk and talk? I know they live in the past…which is sad…but, they just talk your ear off without asking how you are!
I mean, I have way more interesting stories when I was 20 than they do!
Love it!!! Your the best!
Old people are adorable when they are quiet or still. When they are walking, irritated, or go on with their unfiltered rambling or DRIVE, they are not cute at all and definitely not adorable. This is a free society and we don’t need to wait until we hit 90 to unfilter our already filthy mouths. Some of them old farts take advantage of their age to do and say whatever they want and even hurt people, but hey, we’re all getting there too and we can answer back..(at least I do).
I may be going to hell for being such a punter with them, but they are closer to hitting the hole and they can suck it if they piss me off.
*ok calming down…
But they get all my respect when they come up with the sickest and dirtiest stories or jokes…
Lovely day today out there huh?
My mother stood an impressive 5′ tall and could call people bastards and MFs with the best of them and often.
There’s an old woman at work who goes around spewing truth. Or maybe she’s not old so much as she is autistic. But we’re not supposed to make fun of those. So yeah, she’s old.
Ha! I just did some of this at am all day training I had last week. No one in the room spoke up about the potential downfalls of a new system they want to incorporate, except me. I kept asking the hard questions no one wanted to ask, and guess what? I was sitting next to the big boss. Fuck that, I was going to speak my mind regardless. In the end, a few peeps came up to me and said, wow I could have never said that aloud. Fuck them!
*sigh*
Racquel Valencia: I can’t tell if you’re saying you prefer the BS or not…
Spellbound: And they probably will. (With love…)
gennarae: Sure, I went a bit to the extreme. It’s really just the phony smalltalk that kills me- I hear what you’re saying about the rest of it.
Sarah, TNG: I like it! Let’s make! T shirts!
JFo: Staggering is probably a good idea. Especially in this neck of the woods. Can you imagine if WE all said what we thought, all the time? Combustible!
Christy: True nuff!
SIB: PHilt can be such a little hypocrite sometimes! And YES to the farting!
Emily: The FUPA and the dangers of it must be known!
fiona: You’re probably right. And it’s probably for the best. Sigh.
Dr Zibbs: That was pretty good. You had the wheezing and everything.
Sweet Caroline: Ha- they sure do. Every time I get sat next to a little old lady on a bus or plane I can’t help but think, OH SHIT. Here we go…
PorkStar: I’m completely with you on the driving… My grandfather scares the CRAP out of me behind the wheel!
Patty Duke: I love her already.
TishTash: “Spewing truth” – I love it. I aspire to be her. You know, without the autism and the old. Oops- one more check for ‘going to hell’…
Violet: Good for you! I bet you’re rewarded for it ultimately!
I often read your blog out of habbit. It used to entertain me, now it just seems like self indulgent garbage with little or no actual content that is either stimulating or entertaining.
Frank: Sorry you feel that way, dear. I’m sure there’s plenty others out there to suit your needs in the blogosphere. Thanks for reading when you did.
I’m all for it, sista! As my sister said, I went through a phase of giving the world the finger. Felt great, but I learned self-censorship is key. Still working on that part. In the meantime, I just blame it on stress.
LiLu with a filter, Lord above, will miracles never cease? I’m right now trying to picture you in your 70′s, knocking back brews with your grandchildren. Yeah, that’ll get me through the day.
Say what you want, do what you want. Viva la revolution!
I <3 old people. Especially the mens.
When I was a cocktail waitress, I used to get fondled by old men every single day. Normally, I would punch a penis provider in the face… but old guys need some love and if they are bold enough to grabass a 25 year old… then I surely am not the one to tell them it isnt okay.
I want to live in a retirement home in FLA. Right now. And play pinochle all day by the pool.
Y’know, I think I actually DO prefer the BS. But again, that’s gotta be the hick in me.
We both have a dream. I think the same shit all the time.
Yes. I would love to cut the bullshit but at the same time I’m afraid I’d be too damn insulted. Oh well, I guess I’d have to get over it.
You realize, of course, that you will be the opposite. When you are 90, you will be a demure, teetotaling little old lady.
You should start a movement! I would join in. I hate being politically correct. Polite chit chat kills me.
My everyday is one without bullshit and yes, there are always tears. I like to think of them as helping to “cleanse” someone.
(And they kinda make me laugh)
my grandma is 94 years old and she is the rudest, bitchiest, most opinionated lady ever. and I love it.
i’m with Kate … why say anything at all?
the people that love the drama want you to feed it… which is why i ignore. and i know that frosts Potluck Bitch more than anything!
Though if I could have a free day to go tell her to go F*ck herself… I would probably take it
This is how I like my women- not old but straightforward. I’m all for you to cut the BS.
That probably means you’ll no longer be nice to me but hey at least you’ll be happy!
In honor of how awesome this post was, I went out and bought a plaid hat the drove well below the speed limit in the left lane – with my blinker on.
I think if we cut the bullshit for one day… we might really realize that there is no such thing as free speech.
I hate BS, but I do think there is something to be said for not saying EVERYTHING that comes into your head. Have a day of no bull, sure, but don’t go around hurting people who don’t deserve it.
LiLu Love – You MAY be mixing up Old People and Pirates with the eye patch thing. However, Old People do whatever the Hell they want…so….nevermind. Eye Patch away!
As long as you don’t drive like an old person! Old peeps are the greatest. I hate when they look sad though! I just want to hug em all!
Word, woman. I think that’s why people either love or hate me. I can’t do the fake shit.
Brutal honesty is more fun anyway. And if you can keep it from hurting someones feelings…even better.
I hit 30 and basically turned 90.
GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think you’ll need to get yourself a case of Tourette’s. Can that be arranged? God that would be great. Start practicing now and claim you had it your whole life!!!
I tagged you in a blog, you should check it out!
Miss Scorpio: Self-censorship sucks. Or maybe I’m just bad at it… or maybe both.
FoggyDew: I can’t WAIT to see me in my 70s… I bet I’m a trip, for reals.
WickedCourtni: I put up with many an ass grab as well. They’ve got nothing else, after all, and mama’s working for the dolla bills. How bout some Spades?
Racquel Valencia: Fair enough. Two worlds, then, with a venn diagram park in between!
Kate: I knew you’d be on board!
Wearing Mascara: No needless insulting, then. Only if you ask for it
Of course, no one would ever have anything to say to you!
Fearless: This I must see to believe. Check back in seventy.
Stephanie: ME TOO. My time is valuable, people, and I do not want to hear about your weekend in VA beach! Sheesh.
repliderium: You’re already living the movement. Viva la revolucion!
Hillary: YES. And I hope to be her someday
michelle: I agree, maybe quiet/no small talk is the way to go. Now if only we could get EVERYONE to agree…
Dmbosstone: Believe me when I say I do not regular correspond with people I don’t enjoy the company of. So there.
SkylersDad: Honk honk! Love it!
Matt: I think you might be right.
Hannahblue: Sure, I don’t want to be cruel- I definitely took this to the extreme. But I DO dream of a world without smalltalk and mindless chitchat…
Jules: Damn straight! A parrot too! Arrrrgh.
Shelly: Agreed! It broke my heart when I worked in a nursing home.
KassyK: Love it, hate it- it’s the way to be. (P.S. Make sure you don’t step on any flaming bags of poo…)
Velvet: Oh, PERFECTION! This is why I keep you around, woman. Fuckshit!
I had to look up FUPA again.
Damnit.
Considering I live in the capital of wall mart shopping track pant wearing gunt, I really should know all the slang by heart.
I apologize for my ignorance.
LOL! What a great post.
I’m def gonna be one of those old people who curses all the time for no reason lol
Wait you want to be senile and not able to drive anymore?
Doesn’t seem like a fair trade.
You need to watch this video…no vulgarity, just pure old man and a 4 year old. Okay, that could get me arrested… http://blog.cjanerun.com/2007/12/let-old-aquaintances-be-forgot.html
okay well I thought it was funny..
Oh you make me laugh… and I really needed that today. Thanks!
Wow, if you were unfiltered….the place would smell of gas and racial slurs.
Hey thanks for stopping by my blog. I loved your about me! Oh and this post!
That would be totally awesome to be able to do that. I would spout out to my boss that he doesn’t need to sit w/ his legs so far apart that a small country could fit between them. We all know his wife already has his balls in her hands so there’s nothing there to smash anyway.
A day of cutting out all the bullshit would be my dream day. Not that I would go around calling people “coloreds” of course.
I’ve been ready to be an old person since the first time we visited my Great Aunt at Friendship Village. You get to go downstairs to breakfast in the morning and circle what kind of fruit, pastry, and juice you want, whether you want coffee or tea, and how you want your eggs on a paper menu. And then these nice foreign students bring it to you.
The only downer is they wouldn’t let us serve champagne in the common areas at her 90th birthday. So we took it back to her apartment and drank there.
It’s totally like a dorm for old people.
old age will have its benefits. i feel my filter is already clogged and that things that come out of my mouth will just get spicier with time. yay.
my grandpa used to just merge on the freeway without looking. when i asked him why he didn’t look before merging he said: THEY’LL MOVE.
I feel you.I just went to my grandpa’s 80th and he wore a kilt. Freaking 80-yr-old man in a skirt. Go figure. When I turn 80 I’m going booty butt naked! Hell yeah son!
MsP
Mike: I’m so sorry. Your poor eyes… at least you didn’t click on the video.
Tee aka The Diva: Thanks, and welcome!
Tuotierugif: Gonna be? Let’s do it NOW!
rs27: I don’t drive already. I am DRIVEN. Boo yah! And senile, well… that’s a wash.
Nikki: Oh, my Christ, but that is precious. BOTH of them
Jaxie: Yay, glad I could, love!
Cameron: Gas, perhaps. Racial slurs, not so much.
SSC TDD: Good to hear, love, and welcome!
Kellie: A small country like… Petoria?
LBluca77: Well, of course not. But maybe “fishdicks”.
JordanBaker: Right??? And then you play cards all afternoon for your dentures. Perfection.
drollgirl: I love your grandpa. Even though he may be responsible for a few fender benders. Probably not… they probably MOVED.
MsPuddin: Did he wear it the official way, without anything underneath??
My gawd! You have a tonne of followers!
I love the way you think. You could have been a writer for Seinfeld.
that would be awesome. im pretty sure id be fired asap for telling many of mycoworkers how i really feel (mostly just screaming LEAVE ME ALONE!) but maybe they’d think that was cute too.
loved this one,yep share that dream too
“…my coffee tastes of the death of my free soul.”
You’re sure getting profound in your old age.
Do it. And just let it go. You’re fine.
Tact? I knew I was skipping something.
My name says it all. All I do is pretend. Like you I would LOVE to just BE FREAKING REAL! Declare it Lilu. An official “Cut the bullshit day.” It would be big.
I mostly just dream of the force field that must surround old folks. Seriously, putting the car in reverse and not even looking behind me to see what/who could be there sounds so liberating!
i wonder what we’ll be bitching about when we were old?
how the internet used to be hip?
It’s like that old story, “When I get old, I’m going to wear purple and spit and carry a big stick.” Or something like that.
SoooOOOOoooo true Lilu. Older people have no filter at all and then their body hurts and they are tired of the young people so they tell them what’s exactly on their mind. Great post and an even better title
Yess! pretend you have Tourettes! …like Cartman. You can say whatever you want!
My grandma used to think young men were hitting on her ALL THE TIME …it was hilarious.
…and my boss’ dad used to come into the gallery and fart fart fart …just while he was walking …farting. and we were silent. why is that okay?
I’ve been told I’m too blunt as is and should focus on being less so instead of more. This doesn’t deter me in the slightest but it’s just the word on the street.
I think tomorrow (today) calls for an experiment. Just how many times can I clear out a room with my comments…hmm, I wonder.
hells yeah I am gonna be a old lady who swears and tells my opinion to everyone and slag off at young girls and the way the dress to slutty, then tell them stories of the good ole days and then blow smoke in their face with my cup of sherry brandy…
Make it a movement. I’d join in on the rallying and picketing. Only peaceful protest though. I hate having to be nice all the time.
OMGOSH BEST IDEA EVER!!! pick a day! I’ll do it!!
OMG! I’d have to agree with Bon Don. That’s a great idea. But couldn’t we be 90 and still look like we’re in our 20′s? hehehehe…Old people get away with anything and everything. =)
Was that Frank guy trying to be funny or is he just a douche bag?
I’m going with douche bag….
I love to do the totally honest thing… just not at work… I would get fired for SURE!
I love old people except on the road. Funny blog
I know what you mean. There are so many times I’d really like to tell someone just what I think about them, but don’t want the fight that will come as a result. Plus I’d like to know what people really think of me. I might cry, but I’d get over it!
and yes, we both have our B’s
It’s pretty awesome.
Well… if you like old people come read about Anna and her gang on my blog you’re going to so dig that story. Please feel free to drop in anytime. By the way your super funny and I love you blog.
Cheers
JB
G: Seinfeld was my FAVE! I could write about nothing for days… call me, Larry David!
alissa: It would be ADORABLE. Give it a shot and let me know how it goes…
Miss_Nobody: Wouldn’t it be FABULOUS?
Sassy Britches: Well, I gotta have SOMETHING.
Kate: I wish!
Kristin: Ha. How is it? Glorious, right?
JPP: We need an emblem. But how do you draw “bullshit”? I’m sure I can figure it out…
justrun: Until you kill someone. But that’s the beauty! It’s not your fault! You’re old!
alexa: YES. I guarantee it.
SMB: *Spits* and ironically enough, today I’m wearing purple. Does my bigass umbrella count as a stick?
Laura: Aw, thanks lovey!
…love Maegan: Seriously, that could really work! Maybe I can even get worker’s comp…
Kendall: Please report back. And take pictures of the expressions.
Chele: YES. My dream come true…
ewiggle: Peaceful, sure! Just prune juice and bridge galore.
Bon Don: I knew you’d be down.
ChinkyGirLMeL: Botox, my dear, and lots of it.
Woolly: I know re: fired. Sigh… tis but a dream.
Blondie: Thank you, my dear! And YES- they are terrifying on the road!
Tiffany: I’m with you- I’d want to know people’s real feelings… that way I don’t waste time on the fake ones!
jb: Headed over now
I am a 90 year old woman in a 23 year old body. I would love to live in a retirement community and wear dope mumu’s and sun bonnets and play board games out by the pool, etc. I would love to be able to go to bed at like 9 pm and get up and “watch” aka sleep thru hours of day-time television. Serrriously.
I also want to be an old person so I can be a serious cougar. I am 27 but look 17 now, so science says I will look 21 at 50. It will be awesome.
Oh my god I love your blog!
my grandma definitely does not hold back on telling us anything, it’s pretty funny.
That really could happen for one day. All you need is some good make-up experts. This is where “Jackass the movie” did it all wrong, at the end when they were dressed up as old people. They had that opportunity and they blew it on stunts. If I went through hours of make-up you better bet your ass I’m gonna piss someone off or try to anyway.
Think of the possibilities!
You would be invincible for a day.
Being old in a department store also has it’s perks I’m sure.
hmmmm
I hear you!
I take care of old people for a living and I come home with a few stories every day.
Old peeps are effing hilarious!
I love this!
(How old is Ron Weasley, again?)
I fucking love you.
I’d sign on for this day btw. Which means, I’d use my real name and addy (maybe even my nonspam email address!) on a petition for “Cut the BS Day”. Of course, then when I participated fully, I’d have to change said name and address, but whatevs. It’d be so worth it.
kellymarie: YES! Doesn’t that sound like heaven, for reals?
Princess Pointful: Rawwwwr! Puma in training…
adriana: Thank you! That never gets old
Katelin: This is what I’m talking about. I’m jealous!
MindOfDC: That is GENIUS! All we need is costumes!
miss amy: They really, really are. Love it!
sleepyjane: Well thanks, love
Vittoria: I fucking love you too. Saturday? You better be coming…
I am feeling this 100%. I actually just spoke to a couple of groups of old people this past week, and it was like something switched a light swtich on in my head. I’d normally have been afraid of being older, but these meetings actually made me glad that I’m getting older. Old people are awesome (except when they’re driving, but even I can appreciate the Eff you aspect of it all). Ever seen that Sigur Ros video of the old people running around like kids? I LOVEs it.
Yes. Absolutely.
I’m a lot more direct than I was in my 20s, and I think I get more so daily. I am going to be a very scary 70-year old.
Obviously next time I go visit my grandparents, you should tag along!
Ron Weasley. So right and yet so wrong.
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