Maybe you can’t tell from the 900 times I’ve mentioned her, but I fucking love Maxie from I Hate So Much. In the past months, she’s quickly gone from “That Funny Girl In The Blogosphere I Admire,” to “One of The Few People Who Might Be As Twisted As Me,” to “One of My Favorite Fucking People in the Entire World.” When the two of us get together, it is ALWAYS an adventure of epic proportions, whether we’re getting engaged…
Doing the Stankey Legg…
[Picture redacted]
Ha. Yeah RIGHT I’d show you guys that! That’s one of our special private memories.
Anyhoosits, I am totally stoked to have her babysit my corner of the interwebs today while I soak up some South Carolina sun. (JEEEEALOUS???) I fucking love you, Max, and I can’t wait to see what you drop on my peoples while I’m out.
See you lovenuggets on Monday!
I freaked the FUCK out. At that point my parents didn’t even think I’d gone past first base. I decided to just put the vibrator in my purse and leave. Out of sight out of mind…right? I’d have to deal with the consequences later.
After hanging out with my boyfriend and having a little fun with the toy (again, young and full of hormones), I went home and decided I needed to move all of my toys to a new, secret location. When I opened up my desk I noticed something was wrong… the same vibrator I had stashed in my purse was sitting in my desk. I wasn’t the one who had been discovered… I wasn’t the one whose vibrator was left out on the kitchen table…my mom must have accidentally put hers there, which could only mean one thing…
my mother and I had the same exact vibrator
and I had just finished using hers. FML.
yea. no amount of showering can get rid of that feeling.
for more of my awesomely horrible tmi stories check me out here.
{ 81 comments }
Holy shit…after reading that I thought I was going to die laughing. You guys are too funny!
Ewww..that’s so disgustiong yet soo funny..Only you Maxie, only you!
That is just terrifying!!
I’m really at a loss for words right now. FML doesn’t even do this justice!!
OMG! That is so gross! Well done Maxie! LOL
You just ruined my belief that parents don’t have genitals.
MY MOM HAS A VAGINA.
You made me mad.
HOLY CRAP (I seriously just spat my soup on my keyboard…nice). I’m feeling a little queasy now!
My parents never have sex (eugh), my mom always has a headache!!
x
Blondie – Dying of laughter is the best way to go.
Lil’ Woman- Thank goodness all this horrible stuff happened to me in high school– if it didn’t what would I have to blog about!
PQ Nation- Do you need me to eHold you?
Sassy Little Ginger- I know! I need a whole new level of horrible for this one.
HannahBlue – YES. That’s what I was going for.
Mike – Oops. Ummm…YOUR parents don’t have genitals. Just mine. Don’t worry.
jen- I am fully willing to say that my parents are the only ones that ever have sex. I don’t want to scar all of lilu’s readers.
Ugh. Thanks for reminding me of the time I found porn and condoms under my parents’ bed while snooping for Christmas gifts. Years of therapy, down the drain.
Yes…yes I do.
Hahaha, oh God, that’s the worst I’ve read!!
hahahahaha oh no oh no oh no!!!!!!! That’s definitely the worst!!!!!
There is a picture of my head buried in Maxie’s boobs on a very cold night. Needless to say my bald ass was very warm!
Maxie, I feel for you. Seriously, mom juice. Ewww!
Oh no.
Oh no.
OH DEAR GOD NO.
That’s horrifying.
She just left it out on the KITCHEN TABLE?
HAHA! The apple doesnt fall far from the tree.
Thanks for the reassurance! I live in (denial) hope that my parents only ever “planted a seed” once and that me and my sister are in the history books for being the only twins born 18 months apart – record breaking I know! x
Fearless in Toronoto- That’s what I’m here for: to shock and scar.
PQ Nation- Lets go in that corner over there. I don’t want LiLu to see.
Nicole- YES! I win.
Sarah. The New Girl- you have no idea.
justjp- I’m quite confident that my boobs will keep my warm if I ever get trapped in a snowstorm. You’re welcome to join me… BUT DID YOU HAVE TO SAY MOM JUICE?!
longredcape- I think it was an accident. I hope it was an accident.
Matt- I don’t want to admit that you’re right.
Reminds me of the ‘blowup doll’ incident at my house.
Me and my dad still can’t look at each other in the eye.
I hope there was no accidental swapping…
Oh noes.
Imagine what the heck your poor mom was going through when her vibrator went missing then it just popped up again?!
Could it be that sex stores in small towns need more selection?
:::shudders:::
You probably won’t see this, LiLu, but I posted about the perfect way we can share our Snuggie love together!
Young people these days, honestly. I knew in the first 15 minutes of “the sixth sense” that the guy was dead and i knew when Maxie saw the vibrator on the kitchen table it was her mom’s. How the hell do you think all you guys got here? Now stop it with you’re euuuu please poke my eyes out crap and if you are lucky you’ll live long enough to embarrass and horrify your children too.
So gross, yet so funny!
I once brushed my teeth with the dog’s toothbrush! Though not quite as bad as using someone else’s vibrator….still, so gross. Let’s just say I puked a time, or 12, after I realized what I had done.
still shuddering at “mom juice.” still shuddering.
also, i don’t think i could ever get that table clean enough
WOW Maxie! That IS too much information! Holy cow. Yikes!
Damnit! Matt stole my line. But as I was going to say, that old saying the apple does not fall far from the tree holds a lot of truth in this story.
hahahahahahaha oh my freaking lord, I was not expecting that ending… and i thought hanging out with my dad was TMI, your experience does not compare…
holy shit dude
Oh. My. God. I swear, Maxie…you go above and beyond. I can’t even TMI compete.
I hope you actually submitted that to FML.
UGH! I have to bathe myself from reading that. The thought of having your mom’s juices on me just. UGH!
I am literally rolling on the floor laughing and gagging all at the same time! OMG! And I KNOW your mother! I’ll never be able to look at her without dying of hysterical laughter ever again! You used your Mom’s BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend)!!!!! I’m going to have a stroke…can’t breathe from laughter.
Wow. At least if the battery’s died on your you could always ….ewwww…ewwwwwwwww!
jen – tsk- I think I heard your parents NEVER did it. Yep, you were a miracle.
moooooog35- um you NEED to share that story. TMI Thursday next week?
MJ- EW I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT. Me too.
phampants- WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP BRINGING UP THE JUICES.
I’m The Chez- it DEFINITELY makes it worse because you know both of us. yucky.
Meghan- Oh no no no no no. never again.
oh. my. god.
Noooo. No no no no no. Did that conversation with your mother ever happen? Did you return hers…or burn it?
DUDE! I don’t know if I’m more horrified at her leaving it out on the KITCHEN COUNTER or you USING HERS
FUCKING AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Dude. There are no words.
you mean… Moms like sex TOO??!!!
One thing though, the similarities in taste and choices give you away as family… Can you imagine comparing notes?
My mom once asked what it is like to have sex with condoms since she never used them. It was kind of awkward…
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahaha
Did your Mom ever say anything to you about it? Like “where is my toy?”
YIKES! My brain is having a hard time wrapping around that story right now….
That’s great. And I’m going to sing “That’s WHat Friends Are For” out loud in your honor.
AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA. i’m not sure if i’m laughing or gagging or what over here. MY GOD that’s priceless. heh.
Did you ever say anything?!
Gross. Very gross. I don’t know how you get so many TMIs to share, ha.
Good Lord. I want to shower after simply reading this.
OH. MY. GOD.
Talk about mother daughter bonding right there.. HAHAHAHAH!
<— DYING LAUGHING.
Honey, that was for her neck. You see your mother got a stiff um, neck, yeah and your dad brought home something with which to loosen up her, err um, neck. So see it wasn’t as bad as you think. Right? I mean because she had only used it on her, um, neck. Feel better now?
(The lies we tell our kids…)
Wow- that takes the mother/daughter relationship to a whole new plateau! (a horrifying one I might add)
You’re just returning from whence you came.
is there some stanky legg action going down in that second photo?
Eeeewww! I’d like to be a fly on the wall during that conversation…Umm, did you see my “neck massager”? I left it right here on the table…
Yuck!
Wow. And I thought the “scooping your own poop” story would be tops.
I was wrong!
PQ, get your hands off my future wife right now or I will BREAK your cute little fingers!
XOXO
LiLu
firstly, SC. Betch.
Secondly Maxie….I don’t know how you recover from something like that.
oh
uhm
wow
shit
damn, i can’t even form a complete sentence right now …
wow
OMG I literally shudder at the thought.
um, yeah… I mean, um… I gotta go.
I have no idea how I got here but that is one of the WORST things I have EVER heard, and I am the absolute QUEEN of awkward!
OMG! How mortifying! And this made me think of something I’d want to use for a TMI Thursday…if I only had a blog…dammit. *sigh*
OH MY GOD THAT IS THE WORST THING EVER. I am scarred for life.
so gross! somebody beat me to it but… did you burn it?
YES!! YES!! YES!!
AWESOME!!
Did you return it?
oh my gosh.
no words for that one, no words.
then you knew whom to ask for extra batteries
Oh, My GOD! I really, really hope that it was on the kitchen counter because your mom was washing it off and antibacterializing the hell out of it, for your sake. Either way – Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!
I think I may have peed my pants.
Oh dear God. That is.. hilarious!
Oh my G-d…
Oh, wait wait… aaaaaaand… vomit.
That was hysterical.
I hope that one day I too can do the stanky leg with the both of you.
Also, THIS POST MADE ME WANT TO VOM
LMAO!!! i can’t believe i am just now reading this i hope it didnt traumatize u from continuing to use a vibrator!
I just went and threw away all my sex toys. I can’t risk it.
oh dear god!!
scarred. for. life. how much has that cost you in therapy?
OMG! too funny!
I once had a boyfriend that wanted to use his mother’s vibrater on me. Nope, not happening!
That means you… and your mom… EW lol
You know now that I think of it, HOPEFULLY the reason it was in the kitchen was because she had just washed it and laid it out to dry. Still, quite disturbing.
On the other hand if it wasn’t washed, I’m sure you’ve ate food off that kitchen table as well…
No fair, that’s only half the story. How did you get your Mom’s toy back to her without blowing the top off the whole damn thing?
Wow!! Hilarious/really awful.
OMFG!
Like mother like daughter?
I don’t think the Stankey Leg has officially hit PA yet although I will be ready for it when it does because of you.