Listen, ladies. A lot of you out there in our wonderful little blogosphere are single. And that? Is FABULOUS. You are amazing and confident and satisfied all on your damn own. And that is absolutely wonderful.
But of course, you’re open… you’re open to the idea that Mr. Right might just walk around the corner on your lunch break. You’re aware that the man who buys you a drink at the bar COULD just end up being an amazing guy, and not just some sleaze who wants to get into your pants. You just might begrudgingly attend yet another (goddamn) engagement party, only to look into the eyes of The Man You Want To Spend The Rest Of Your Life With. It could happen.
Just because you’re perfectly content on your own doesn’t mean you’re not aware of the possibility. And that’s good- it’s a great and healthy place to be.
But I’m here with a message. One that is important to me, given that I myself came so very, very close to letting the one person that I Want Forever slip through my fingers.
You see, my outgoing, sassy and boisterous bartending personality is something I have developed over many years. It has served me well in many- nay, most situations. But, as I discovered, it can also be a bit of a curse.
When I met B at Fado on that fateful night last June, I knew that I felt something special that night when we ended up making out on the steps of the church on 8th Street… but I didn’t know if it was anything more than that.
At 2 pm the next day, my phone rang. That night, he popped in to the bar where I was working… and I pulled my most bartender-y of ‘tudes on him; I put on a show to see if he was intimidated.
He was. And I almost wrote him off, calling him a “quivering little bunny rabbit” the next day in my post. I almost canceled our real first date before it even happened. I almost let the best thing that’s ever happened to me slip away, because I wanted to write off the Nice Guy. I figured he couldn’t handle me, that he was lacked confidence, that he was weak. And I have never been more wrong about anything in my life.
B is the strongest man I have ever known. He is the perfect balance for me… he is EXACTLY what I need to mellow me when I need mellowing, and to let me bring a little crazy (spice) into HIS life. It is a killer combination, and it works.
So, ladies, this is my message to you… basically, Don’t Be Me. Don’t ignore the nice guy in the bar. Don’t write him off because he’s nervous when he says hello. Don’t assume that because of that, he is a boy and not a man. After all, approaching girls is terrifying- imagine if WE had to do it! If they’re man enough to come up and say “Hi,” give him a chance. Plainly speaking, remember this…
“NICE” OR “QUIET” DOES NOT EQUAL A LACK OF CONFIDENCE.
We all want a confident guy, right? Well, that normally translates to the immediate gratification of the loudest, most obnoxious guy at the bar. Of course he’s confident… but he’s also crossing the line over to “cocky.” Wouldn’t you rather have that strong, silent type? The Don Draper kind of man? The guy that takes a little longer to get to know, but once you do… once you crack that shell, the things that are inside are AMAZING?
The problem is, pop culture always portrays the girl ending up with The Sap. And that’s kind of bullshit. That’s not what women want. They want strong, confident men, who are willing to take charge when necessary, but are also able to show care and compassion.
What we are forgetting, my dear ladies, is that there is not only The Sap and The Asshole. There is a whole world of men in between. You just have to dig a little deeper to find out which ones they are.
{ 113 comments }
I fell for a charming SOB combined with a punkass. Over the last 4 years, I've seen plenty of different sides of him and we've made it through a lot. He even admits that he can be a charming SOB…and I can be a super bitch…or the sweetest, most vulnerable girl that just needs that confident man to keep me safe.
It's all about balance.
Because let's face it…that cocky confident guy? Usually just leaves you with the bad taste of 'cocky' as he's leaves you baffled.
Love this post and LOVE you & B. Just sayin
& to be clear, we aren't 'together' but as dysfunctional as it may be, that relationship is pretty functional for my life. LOL
The day i met my husband I told our freinds “he will be mine” and it came to be.
I almost gave up on my bf at the beginning. But decided otherwise and glad I did. Like you said, balance is such an important thing.
On a more hilarious note, when you mentioned Don Draper, this video came to mind: http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/clips/don-drapers-guide/787241/
I once had an ex tell me that she almost didn’t date me because I was “too quiet” at first. I explained that I am laid back when getting to know someone.
Granted, I should have spent more time getting to know her because I ended up dumping her later because she is a colossal pain in the ass.
Still, my point (whatever it was) stands.
That’s right ladies…dig deeper.
That’s me waving…third mushroom from the right.
You should kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince!
I love that you “bring a crazy spice” to B’s life! I hope he loves it too!! xx
Oh lordy. Uh, we have talked about this. I think for some of us maybe we are so used to the games that we even think quiet is a game? And what we think we want a lot of times is also totally wrong?
Basically just trying to say I am FUCKED. (kidding, kidding)
B, is that you? Are you still writing for Lilu?
Seriously though, there’s no sense in hitting the flint a million times like they do on Survivor, praying for something to catch when there’s just no SPARK.
My guy is the quintessential nice guy… and I love him for it! He’s not passive, he’s not boring and he’s not a pushover.
He is, however, understanding, empathetic and he buys me flowers when I’ve had a crappy day. I used to date a bunch of assholes. I’m so glad that my taste has improved!
In my experience, the quiet ones tend to have more confidence than the outgoing ones, if only because they don’t feel the need to assert themselves by putting on a show. They just is what they is and fuck anyone who doesn’t get it.
And that’s the most punkrock thing ever.
I suddenly have the urge to dirty-text my BF.
And I think it’s worth pointing out that guys who seem nice sometimes…aren’t. Sometimes they run off with your spare keys and send crazy angry texts, or throw a rock through their own windshields and claim you did it, or spray-paint the side of your house. (Nothing like that ever happened to me. Nuh-huh.)
I’m pretty sure that, as much as I know about guys from hanging out with so many of them, I really know nothing at all about dating them. I’ve done it, with more or less success, but I just don’t get it.
I’m pretty sure I’ll be single for a looong time.
Well said Lilu. My issue is I know the good guys are good to me but its the elusive bad guy that I have a strong attraction for. I most run in the opposite direction for that usually spells disaster.
You’re stalking me and know my unspoken life drama right now, aren’t you?
Or did my mom put you up to this?
As someone living with the nice guy of all nice guys, I second this post
hahaha you made out on the steps of the church… there’s a story for the grand kiddies!!!!!!!!
Excellent public service announcement. As someone on the far side of 30, I have to say that you really do want to spend the rest of your life with a “nice guy.” The rest of your life will involve all kinds of mundane and stressful responsibilities that you don’t want to share with “a challenge.”
Never settle for something that seems better than nothing – but raise the bar a bit in the nice guy department. It will be the smartest dating move you ever make.
I love this post. It’s the fantastic other-side-of-the argument that many men put out there about being an alpha.
I was thinking that this also applies to animals. First time I saw my little sweetness Sammy-dog at an adoption, I actually left because he just didn’t care about anything but his toy. I thought, “that dog is borrrring.” My then-bf said there was no perfect dog and to go back and get him. So so so so so glad I did.
Back when V was a dating blog, I tried to follow a theory from my mom, which was basically “everyone gets a second chance.” I’m glad you didn’t let B slip through your fingers! I think not judging on a first impression is something it takes a long time to get used to because we’re such a society of instant gratification and snap judgments.
My problem is I need to get over MYSELF long enough to let him be HIMSELF! ;P
DON DRAPER…what a FABULOUS example. and you hit the nail on the head, which is why, 18 days or not, i’m going for it!
I totally agree…there are nice guys that are also aggressive, and strong, and manly! I always dated assholes who turned out to be weak becaue they pushed girls around!
I got me a good’n now! And he’s manly grawr!
If you believe youll find the right one you will. I liked this post!
I was doing the online dating thing and was talking to a guy for a little while. I named in Hottie Mike and he was intimidatingly drop dead gorgeous! Then I started talking to another guy, who I called cutie patootie! I liked them both but had to make a decision. Hottie Mike would tell me how hot I was all the time and cutie patootie came back just once with a “you’re” beautiful. There was no decision, almost 2 years later me and cutie patootie are still going strong!
The nice guys do win out in the end, we just need to make sure they do.
amen sister.
it wasn’t until i finally backed away from my normal jump ship routine circa date 3/4 and gave ManFriend a fighting chance that i realized letting a different type in could be exactly what i need.
Yea, ladies, take this chicks advice before you turn another nice guy like me into a quivering mass of angry asshole ready to climb the clock tower with his assault rifle collection, eh?
Smirking over here, but in a good way.
Thats funny, I just posted an ad for my single bro in my blog yest. I’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate it, but if there are any single ladies in Birmingham, AL I’ve got the right man for you! LOL
Yep, I’ve got something for TMI Thursday this week. It actually happened over the w/e and is totally embarassing!
I want to buy you a beer for writing this.
except it doesn’t help me out because I’m not really that nice at all.
but we can still cheers to having type A personalities!
Lilu, I almost passed up my Nice Guy because I felt all I deserved was to be treated like shit. I really wanted to date Mr. Brooding bad tempered Guy but he was hung up on the Stripper Bitch. Nice Guy kept on pursuing me, not taking no for an answer. I’m glad he didn’t.
Of course it did help that I woke my ass up when I saw what the heck was really going on. I was being used to make Stripper Bitch jellassed. And Mr. Married man wouldn’t leave me alone because he didn’t want me to be lonely.
The Duke and I are COMPLETE opposites and truly he was not my usual type at all…but I found out that he is everything I never knew I needed. He balances me and even though I never needed to be taken care of and would scoff at any women who said they wanted to be. I just picture the Duke constantly under me with a safety net..I know he is always there!!
I cannot agree more. HHB was my BGF (best GUY, not gay, friend) in HS, but I never really contemplated dating him because he was dark and brooding ala Mr. Rochestor (whom, incidentally, I named a cat after. But I digress.) and I always went for the chipper, outgoing guys like me. And then I married one of them, and he never got my dark side. See, HHB is all dark and twisty, to borrow a Grey’s phrase. And so am I, I just don’t show it as much. If I’d stuck with a “type”, he’d still be my BGF, waiting for me to realize what a dipshit I was for not being with him in the first place. And I’m so glad I figured it out, because nothing is cooler than being with your best friend.
“Walk softly and carry a big stick!”
Think about it ladies…
M is constantly calling me an asshole, while offering no evidence in support of this conclusion. Meanwhile, I am able to counter with anecdotal evidence in the form of regular comments from strangers and new acquaintances that I’m a nice guy.
Nice post.
awwww sooo sweet. i hope people listen to you! my hubby was my bff-shoulder-to-cry-on, typical too nice guy for 3 years. he was super persistant and i turned him down multiple times from our freshman to junior years. if it weren’t for us being forced to be on the same campus i never would have eventually given him a shot!
Ahhhh the elusive happy medium. If nothing else, the chase for it keeps me going.
There’s a seat for you as an honorary in our Nice Guys Club.
Oh I love this post. It is so true. There are a lot of great guys out there. Trust me I should know, I’ve been dumped by about half of them.
As a woman newly entering the dating scene for the first real time in two years, believe you me, this post resonates!
I used to think I knew exactly what I wanted. These days, I like to think I know only about 75 percent…the other 25 percent should be a surprise, because until you meet that one lucky man, you couldn’t know those particular quirks and opinions and habits fit oh so perfectly well with your own wackiness because that man, his presence, his influence and participation in who you are, didn’t exist in your life until now.
On that note, wish me luck on my date tomorrow night!
The perfect (for you) nice guy is such a hard thing to find. But when you do, it’s just fab.
Very very true. And your bartendery ‘tude to intimidate him, is almost certainly something that I would pull. No promises, but I’ll work on it.
My problem’s kind of the opposite. I give nice guys a chance and some of them turn out to be not so nice. Other ones turn out to be perfectly nice but not the right one and it’s really hard to break up with a nice guy. Nevertheless, I’m going to keep trying.
You’re lucky you found the confident guy in your 20s…I didn’t and really had hoped by his early 30s he’d gained that confidence. He didn’t and it was exhausting….
I moved on and am with a great guy. Quiet, confident and happy in his own skin. He doesn’t feel the need to convince others he’s a great guy.
Kudos to you for giving B another chance. Sometimes you need to look twice before seeing how great something or someone is.
My type is always the strong and silent. But it’s not equal boring of course. Some translate it that way.
I wholeheartedly agree with you, my dear! Superb post!
I’m sure you got hit on a lot. What made you say yes to him?
I blew off my bf three times before I finally agreed to a date, because he was nice and I am sassy. I am glad he didn’t give up because he is awesome. He is nice but not a pushover, there is such a thing as a nice balance. Who knew?
Oh Lilu, you’re wise beyond your years. This the one lesson that I always “forget” – somehow or another.
I usually find myself putting on some sort of test…even as I profess to (and actually do) hate game playing. Oof.
ouch, this post came at a perfect time for me. i have met this new guy and don’t want to let myself fall head over heels for him. we have SO much in-common and our first date was AMAZING. i am torn between letting this run its own course or telling him we need to take it slower, i hate this dating thing!
PQ: Those charming SOBs will get ya. Though I will say, sometimes they grow up…
Caroline: I said that to my girlfriend the same night I met B
Something about those dreamy green eyes… you just know.
Marie: I LOVE that video. I masturbate to, I mean watch it, all the time!
peterdewolf: Ha! Love it. But good for you for trying to educate her…
mooooog35: Mushroom? I don’t think I want to know…
Jen – TSK: I think he does… MOST of the time.
Lemmonex: We’ll make it through together, love. We WILL.
Fearless: You definitely need that initial spark, of course! I’m just saying that if it’s there but you have reservations about him being nervous or quiet… give it a fair shot.
Hopers: “He’s not passive, he’s not boring and he’s not a pushover.” EXACTLY. Emphasis on the pushover… I need B to put me in my place when I get pushy, and he does.
Racquel Valencia: You totally nailed it. Now go nail him.
Shannon: I don’t know WHERE you find them, darlin. I really don’t!
Just A Girl: Oh, my little love muffin. I can’t wait for the day you get KNOCKED THE FUCK OFF YOUR FEET.
The Rich Ant: I hear you! I think we all do… which is why I’m begging you, giev one of the GOOD guys a chance!
JPP: Your email made me cry, you hooker. I hope you’re happy. And I hope you have fun at dinner tonight.
Sarah, TNG: I know, right? I’m pretty sure it was Baptist, too.
Kate CH: Here, here. You just said it better than I could
Velvet: The thing is, Ben IS an alpha… he just doesn’t need to go around barking at everything to prove it. And I LOVE the “second chance”… I operate with the same idea now, that’s for sure!
Sassy Britches: Oh, lawdy, I HEAR YOU. But you can do it! I believe. Somehow I did…
cavy: I told you to, and I don’t think you’ll be sorry! Get it girl!
Fizzgig: Thanks, love. And you are SO write about those assholes who push girls around. It’s all about balance with a strong, RESPECTFUL man.
Shelly: See? It WORKS! You so made the right choice. And I’m here on my soapbox making sure others do too!
brookem: I knew you’d get this
Smooches, love.
Mike: Duly noted. *backs away*
Hammer: That’s a good thing… I hope?
Misty Dawn: I saw it! Hilarious! I wish I knew a nice girl down there
Matt: EXACTLY. Type As come in all sizes and shapes. And I have a sneaking suspicion you’re a nicer guy than you’re letting on…
Gladys: I’m so glad you ended up with the right one! It’s so obvious in hindsight, eh?
Lady Jane: Exactly! You totally get it. It’s all about the BALANCE of personalities.
Hillybilly Princess: I SO hear you on that. B is most definitely my best friend… having someone who is both is the most awesome thing in the world.
justjp: I’m going to just let that speak for itself.
JFo: Hmmm. I also call B an asshole, but it’s in love. Maybe she’s playing around…? And thanks, darlin.
lustyreader: I hope they do too. One already has. (I’m looking at you, Just Playing Pretend…)
Bethie: Keep chasing, my love. It is SO worth it.
f.B: Yes! Do I get a crown?
LBluca77: Doesn’t sound like nice guys to me… Also, fuck their mothers. Next!
hannahjustbreathe: Good luck!!! And remember, just because he’s quiet doesn’t mean he’s boring… just because he’s nervous doesn’t mean he’s not confident!
A Super Girl: Yes. So, so unbelievably fab.
los_tartist: Work on it! We can be very scary!
Kristin: That happens too, sometimes… there are all kinds. Keep diggin, love.
LMB: I totally hear you. I am SO glad I doubled back
insomniac: EXACTLY. B is anything but boring, obviously!
Zandria: Thanks, love!
Kristina P: Sure, especially as a bartender. What made me say yes? I think you mean, what made me grab his face while we were sitting on those same barstools where we’d met 5 minutes earlier… and kiss him. I just knew he had to be mine.
BWP: It kind of sounds like our boys are brothers from another mother. It truly is a balance that works, isn’t it?
Liebchen: I may have written this just the TEENIEST bit for you. Trust me… it works.
Violet: It’s okay to let go. Repeat: IT’S OKAY TO LET GO. In fact, it could be the most amazing ride of your life…
Don Draper is hot! But he’s also a liar…keep that in mind. Maybe they’re quiet because they’re hiding something. Hopefully it’s their love of ballroom dancing or something like that and not an extra marital affair…
i love this post… it’s amazing the walls that we put up and tear down throughout our lives.
There have been so many movies made about this topic you’d think it was self-evident. But it’s not.
Girls, take a look around, see him, that guy that’s always there for you? The one that never lets you down? There’s a reason for that.
I love this. It’s sooo true. I HATE cocky guys with a passion. A guy that thinks he’s the shit is an automatic turn off. The Nice Guys are the way to go.
i'm pretty strict about always making myself give guys a second date. except… meh. i'm finding more and more that if i'm not feeling it on date 1, i'm not GOING to feel it. i'm sure i'll have it beat out of me eventually, but for now i am staunchly holding on to the belief that the Right Guy will make me have that good feeling in my tummy right from the beginning, not after a year of learning to love them
(which, uh, is NOT AT ALL what i'm saying is the case with you & b, btw. i reread that and it looked sort of like i was implying that. am just not eloquent in this area.)
Nicely said and I totally agree! My man isn’t quiet, but certainly isn’t cocky. He’s more of the outgoing, life of the party, goofball type of guy. The class clown (but not the annoying one). He makes me laugh.
Thank you Lilu!!! you know, I am going to give you the biggest hug of your life when I meet you, you won’t be able to escape. Anyhoo, I actually HAVE to write anew post about the latest loser in my life. It is so over the top that it has to be written…. I am a bit swamped at work right now, but it is coming. I promise!
great post and I agree. I was the worst single gal who judged every guy who came into my life but when I met my new boyfriend I knew something was there and that he needed that extra push to pursue me as well, so I took the first step and I have never been happier.
Tee hee! I finally drew more than a shy hello out of my “Mr. Nice Guy” on Monday…and yanno what? He totally has promise…and also might have managed to break me out of my blog funk, though we shall see on that one.
AHHHHH! I think we might be dating the same man!!! HA! I doubted his ability to handle me but as it turned out- we balance each other out in a way I had not thought possible.
Who knew? The one thing I always thought was wrong for me turned out to be exactly what I’d always been missing.
I love you being in love!
Great post, I thought I was too hot for SB to handle back in the day and look at the wee firecracker HE turned out to be…20 years next month!
I JUST emailed Lemmonex about this yesterday! I’m trying on the nice guy for a change and I *ah* I think I LIKE it!
I agree with you completely LiLu and blew off my now husband when we were first set up, because I was obsessed with some asshole. Luckily for me, my hubby was persistent and I thank that trait of his every single day.
Many single gals, like guys, tend to look for the best looking guy, rather than the best guy period. The “bad guy” cliché might seem exciting at first, but gets old and he will hurt you. Period.
You can find an attractive guy that treats you well. Stable, intelligent men are the way to go!:)
Yeah, maybe Nice Guys ARE full of the good stuff that come tumbling out when you crack em open. Kinda like a pinata.
Excuse me, must find baseball bat.
Man, I’ve been saying this all along…
… great to see there are loads of woman who “get it”.
Idaho is such a different world. Out of all my friends and aquaintances, there are 4 people who are single, myself included. And I get so much crap for having standards that are ‘too high.’ Excuse me if the guy who lives on his friends couch and has 6 kids just doesn’t do it for me. I deserve better, and god damn it, I’m going to get it!
And I hope I find someone that makes me as happy as you are!
I’m pretty sure I scare men off before saying a single word.. at least this is a conclusion I’ve come to recently.
Good thing you gave him a second chance! You’re so sappy these days.
Aren’t we already in the Age of the Nice Guy? Or, wait, has that already passed, and now we’re in the age of the Sexy Vampire? I get so confused.
The Boy must NEVER find out about this, but I almost wrote him off after the first time he kissed me. The kiss was terrible. I thought he was a horrible kisser. I was happy to be kissed, but sooo disappointed on the performance.
I knew he was nervous but had not realized HOW nervous until the next time I saw him and the improvement was incomparable.
He, of course, remembers that kiss as that magical moment when he just KNEW this was something special.
I’m not interested in bad boys. I’ve always been attracted to the Nice Guy. There’s something so sexy about Nice Guys, and if they’re geeks it’s even better!!!
A-Motherfucking-Men.
Your mouth and My mouth were separated at birth.
B and D were also most likely ripped from the womb too early and put in the arms of random ladies.
NICE, QUIET GUYS ARE THE SHIT. This I know from experience. I have one. And he is that balance that I have been needing my entire life.
I’m so with you on this one. Seriously when I very first went out with my boyf, I told a couple of my girls that I was just waiting for him to recognize the crazy and run away scared…and we’ve been together for a year and 3 months now…sometimes I am still amazed at how well we balance each other out. Just because a man appears to be nice and quiet doesn’t mean that they are weak! AMEN LILU!!!
You just summed up PH and I to a T.
He’s the quiet, shy, reserved, nice guy and I’m the loud overly social brat no-it-all who is slightly feisty and eccentric.
Somehow, we work. But it’s never work, we balance each other perfectly.
I’m elated you have a similar situation…because if your relationship is anytime like mine, it ROCKS.
This is a brilliant post, and a great reminder. Thank you! As a girl who more often than not falls for the cocky type, only to be disillusioned in the morning, this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Bravo.
i love you.
no really, i do.
also, B really does kind of remind me of don draper. which is why i mini shrieked when you said that.
back to my loving you. my bff and i had a long conversation about this this week that ended somehting with “but he’s like, nice to me. and shit”. and she said “well… right.”
i bet you two would get along.
Yeah, but a lot of “nice guys” use the “nice guy” card as cover to do douchey things and then manipulate you into not blaming them for it and believing it’s all your fault. “Nice” isn’t always what it seems. If I had a dollar for every time some guy has whined “yeah, but I’m a nice guy…” to me. Sometimes it’s easier to just go with bad boys. At least you know what you’re getting into.
Additionally, sometimes, nice guys are assholes that grew up.
Lilu, I hope your message hear rings through because I’m tired of trying to figure out whether I should be the nice guy or a jerk.
Is Don Draper the right example? He cheats on his wife with countless women and runs off to CA for what appears to be a high of a lifetime or a pathetic existence. Not sure which. I guess the women part is interesting, at least for us men.
Haha, I agree. Sometimes the nice and quiet guys are the ones that are confident instead of yapping away and get antsy at a moment of silence.
Nikki: True re: Don. I was just trying to emphasize the Strong & Silent persona
mylittlebecky: It really is, isn't it? Sigh.
FoggyDew: You'd think John Cusack in Say Anything would have convinced everyone, but nooooo…
Stephanie: Cocky is definitely a turn off. It's such a fine line, though…
Alice: I definitely don't mean a million dates if you don't feel it- I mean more about GOING on that initial date, even if he seems nervous… as long as there's a spark at first, give it a shot!
Kellie: B is SUCH a class clown when he lets his guard down… you guys are finally getting to see that
Titania: Can't wait, love. *E-hug*
Chele: Exactly! So glad to hear another similar success story!
inkpuddle: Oh, good luck, hon! Wishing you the best… and can't wait to read about it!
repliderium: I knew you'd get it. We are so scary similar, you and I…
fiona: Isn't life funny? And I'm so glad that it is…
Kate: Hells yes! You are well on your way, my love.
Hannahblue: There's like SIX of us who've said that now! Isn't it amazing? I guess the right one just won't give up on you, no matter what. I know B didn't.
TishTash: Oh, I so want in on that party.
[F]oxymoron: I'm doing my best to get the message out!
Emily: Good for you. Settling is the WORST thing you could do, for both of you! You'll find the right one
Deutlich: Well, the crop doesn't help. Or does it? But the trick is, the Right One? Won't be scared off no matter WHAT you do.
Karen: I am sappy… blech… bear with me! Haha.
Beach Bum: I LOVE that. And I promise never to tell when we go for karaoke…
Jaime: You are WAY ahead of the game!
WickedCourtni: Seriously, I think we are the same person. So naturally, so are our menfolks. Thank god they put up with our crazy asses…
Megan: Missed you! And yes, you are the perfect example
The right one can't be scared off, no matter what we do!
Dolce: I hope it is, too, because yours honestly sounds like my PERFECT marriage. Especially the post about when he went to Nawlins- THAT is the kind of relationship I want.
magda: So glad this came at the right time for you! Try and pay attention to the less flashy guys… trust me, a lot of them are filled with surprises.
Vittoria: So, what you're saying is we should do a Girls Night? Cause that's what I heard. And I'm totally down.
HP: You are totally right, of course there are exceptions. Just trying to call a little attention to the good eggs out there.
Anonymous: Now THAT is the truth. There was definitely a time when I think B would have wholeheartedly been described as an asshole by his own girlfriend… (see yesterday's post…)
thebmt: True nuff. I chose Don because he's the perfect "Strong & Silent" type, but that's all I meant by it!
Pop Champagne: Exactly! I just never realized it until one of them swept me off my feet…
this is exactly what i needed to read today.
thanks.
No shit. He is the most patient man. Like, ever. Cause I am for real crazy.
Love the post – and the comments! I too give into the logic of having a second date just in case I’m passing over something good that just hasn’t revealed itself. But I have learned to cut it off after then if there is no spark. No need to waste any precious time (both mine and his). I’ll have to go back and read the “quiver like a bunny post”! I just can’t imagine that at all!
Well put.
Ha ha. Just read your response and reread my comment. It sounded unintentionally serious. Definitely just joking around.
The Sap: been there
The Asshole: done that
The Asshole in disguise as The Nice Guy: bought the T-shirt
The True Nice Guy: trying to find it on the map…
You’re totally right though, an open mind is key!
I’m gonna read this post every day for a year. Thanks darlin.
Well said.
Like you, I’m too quick to
write someone off. Not give them
a chance. But you’re right.
You’re totally right.
Love your blog, read it all the time, and this is exactly the story I needed today. Thank you!
The nice guys still want to get in your pants, they’re just too nice to ask.
@Captain Dumbass- Or they just ask more nicely
Agree agree agree!
True that. I wish some lovely classy lady would see that in me. I’d have less depressing being alone nights. Sigh.
it took me about 4 hours just to scroll down your comment page. geez popular much?!
you should totally get it. i am planning to get all of them actually. i know i am t-shirt whore. whatca going to do about?
btw love the header and this blog is amazing.
You’re right. Sarcasm is probably not always the best way to respond to a guy when he tries to talk to you…
However, when a random guy in Wal-Mart says (and I quote), “I could eat you like a Sunday brunch”, I just can’t help myself.
I get so SICK and TIRED of the stupid ones that I often respond the same way to EVERYONE.
I wish every girl I liked read this.
calixta.jive: I’m so glad, and you are most definitely welcome.
WickedCourtni: Right there with you, babe. God, I wish you lived here!
PLT: I have amazing commenters, don’t I? And you’re totally right about the spark… if it ain’t there, it don’t matter if he is A Sap OR An Asshole… move along.
Kate: Thanks.
JFo: Awesome
Hannah: I SO hear you… but don’t stop hoping. The Real Deal IS out there!
Ms. Sadie: Aww, thank YOU.
Amandaaa: Thank goodness my bff kicked my ass and said “Fuck you, give him a chance!” Now let me do that for you
shakeitgood: That is awesome to hear! Thank YOU!
Captain Dumbass: I know. But truthfully, that makes allll the difference.
repliderium: Politeness? Tact? Who’dathunkit??
Lisa: Right?
Michael: Aw, hon. I hope the ladies in your life smarten up soon.
TPD Owl: It’s the topic that’s popular
And I’m so glad you stopped by! See you soon.
Katie: I hear you, girl. It’s tough… but don’t shut out the possibility of a Good One getting through!
Dmbosstone: Maybe you should print it out and keep it in your pocket…
Awesome post!! This is why I absolutely LOVE your blog. I left you an award or 2on my blog
Oh dear, I’m doomed. I always shut down the nice guy. I don’t even realize I’ve done it until hours later, when the mask slips off the asshole. Why do they not teach these things in kindergarten?
I so agree with you! I would take a strong silent type over an arrogant asshole any day! I think thats why I love my hubs so much, we kinda balance cause I am more of an asshole than he could ever be. I did almost write him off too. He took like six months of just holding hands before anything really happened. I was like are we doing this or what! He was well worth the wait.
My husband is kind of my opposite although I can’t say which one of us is the nice one. LOL It changes from day to day.
Well said. I’m happy you managed to keep a hold of a good one.
Well said. I’m happy you managed to keep a hold of a good one.
I worry every day that I am letting go of the Nice Guy. I am so glad that things were able to work out for you. I guess the question is, how do you know when he’s the RIGHT guy? And what happens when you find him, but it’s not the right TIME for you?
UGH – Life always manages to get super confusing just when you don’t want it to.
right now my mouth is 100% open for a couple of reason’s one, because it is so fucking cool that you can go back and look on a post about B from the beginning. SO COOL.
and number two, you are so dead on with this post. i think my awesome personality (haha, but true)is kind of a curse too. guys that show any interest in me i pull the whole ‘tude shit too. pushing them away. letting it roll off my shoulder, like all so what?
i don’t give men a chance, ever.
this sounds stupid as hell, but this post was kind of a wake-up call for me.
I seriously could’ve written this.
Seriously.
Minus the specific addresses of make out spots.
My husband is very quiet – I mean, noteably, noteably, noteably quiet – and you can guess, mayhaps, that I am.. Not.
Strong personality traits need polarizing. It’s all about the balance. G-d forbid I ended up with someone noisy.
I love reading about you and B – you two are great
and most importantly REAL!
I wonder where I fit into that???
Sap or Asshole??
btw that is exactly what i’m saying, except she lives in chicago. but she’ll be here this summer, and then it’s on.
Damn you! I wanted all of the nice guys for myself!
Im sure you hear this ALL the time but i felt like you wrote that just for me, i didnt realize it but i guess i needed that. Thank you.
tht was lovely and is something i ponder alot cos its so easy to write someone off without really giving them a chance and the fun and excitement of a bad boy can only last soo long.so def something i am working towards!!
thanks Lilu u r AWESOME a little insane but awesome and soooo lucky to have B as he is to have u!!!
ok, ok – i’ll drop the ‘tude and see how it works. great post!
Thank you once again for brightening up my night!
I have dated BOTH the sap and the a hole… (most recent ex is the latter to the utmost neurotic arrogant version) and I am almost giving up any possible hope of ever finding that elusive middle variety of “strong, nice guy”.. When you spot another sample, could you possibly fling him up my way??? Many thanks in advance!
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