Hey, all! I’m actually over here today. (I know, aren’t I just a little blog-hopping whoreface?) So go check it out.
…………
Oh, heyyy… you’re still here? (A la Ferris Bueller.)
What’s that? You want some bloggy e-dessert? But you didn’t even finish your vegetables! Well, I’m SORRRRY the carrots were touching the mashed potatoes!
Fine. But only because it just so happens something funny DID happen to me yesterday. (Shocking, I know.)
B’s work wife and my dear friend birthcontroljill found out this week that one of her family members was in a car accident. (Don’t worry, everyone’s going to be okay, thank goodness!) So when B said she was coming over last night to watch some Always Sunny and veg out for a bit, I wanted to pick up some flowers for her on the way home from work. Should be simple enough, right? There’s street vendors all over downtown DC- I pass at least three “flower guys” every morning and evening.
So I started my trek home, and passed a half a dozen “hot dog” or “fake Goach purses” guys… even the burrito guy! But there was not one daffodil, not one sunflower, not one smiling daisy to be seen. (Yellow = happy!)
Before I knew it, I was a block away from home, and the only option left was the local CVS. I scoured the place for anything Happy!, and found the Easter display. There were fake flowers abundant, but they just seemed a little too tacky… even for me. (I know!)
There was only one living thing in the whole place… and for some reason, it just felt right. So I bought it.
Yeah, that’s right. I bought her a cactus.
Seriously, that should be a someecard. “Sorry your family member almost died… I bought you this cactus.”
But that’s not all. Waiting in the check out line to pay for my spiny little green friend, I spotted this gem:
Can’t read it? Here. Let me zoom in for ya.
JUMBLO. For serious, people… who on earth named that??? I especially love how it advertises HUGE GUM BALLS on the left. Priceless.
Hope you like your cactus and your balls, jill. I tried…
Bee tee dubs, I often get questions about participating in TMI Thursday (which is tomorrow! Squeeee!) The only “rules” are the ones I write at the beginning each post (i.e., think of an embarrassing story! Share it with us all! Try to shock and apall! -Hey, that rhymed) and anyone can play. It’s cool if you can link back to the hub so that your readers can read ALLLLLL the past TMIs as well. From now on, I’ll have a Mr. Linky set up at the bottom of the posts so you can plug in your own TMI as soon as it’s done for all to read.
And if you need ideas? Just follow the advice I twittered Racquel Valencia last night: “Just think about the four P’s of TMI: Poop, Pee, Period, and Puke.”
{ 75 comments }
Um, my sister and I used to LOVE Jumblo when we were kids. We’d see how many gumballs we could cram into our mouths and who could blow the biggest bubbles.
Of course, now I can’t write that sentence without seeing something of the perverse in it… Thanks! Thanks a lot!!!
p.s. Who knew CVS sold cacti? Good to know…
You’re a classy dame, lover. I think the cactus is adorable.
I love huge balls.
Oh, the always appropriate sympathy cactus…
Oh. MY. GAWD. I am soo giving you 2 of the 4 P’s tomorrow! Yea, its like that…
It’s the thought that counts, right? So you get points for thinking of your pal plus bonus points for your sense of humor. You did good.
I’m contemplating a TMI post, but don’t know if I am ballsy enough to post it. It doesn’t involve any of the P’s, but it does involve being naked, the lady doctor, and sweat.
What a cute little cactus!
And what lovely TMI advice. I’ll think of that as a checklist.
True Story: I bought my friend a cactus when she got her wisdom teeth out. So it is so appropriate!
aww, that’s so cute! Definitely better than dafodils! x
I’m renaming my junk “Mr. Jumblo.”
Rest in peace, Mr. Wiggly.
I just spend 10 minutes trying to think of a P word for the 5th P of TMI thursdays…something sexual. I heart the lusty TMIs. But my brain aren’t working, is bad now.
hilarious LiLu. you are a very thoughtful and creative friends to those you care about.
I think a cactus makes more sense…flowers die, this will live forever. See how THOUGHTFUL you are?
dude, spiky balls are the bomb. see how i combined the gum balls and the cactus?!?
i’ll leave now.
This is so much better than flowers or a plant. Why? Because you don’t have to water it as often and can take credit for keeping it alive by barely doing anything.
Have you ever had those though? They are amazing. They’ll forget about almost death and all that trivial stuff when they’re chewing on some big balls.
thanks, LiLu, i just burst out giggling in the middle of class.
Can the males replace “periods” with something? Like, dunno, “peen”? “Poker”? “Pints”? P… proverbs…
I’m pretty sure that’s the best present ever. And I’m also pretty sure I have a decent enough story to share for TMI Thursday…
deadpan Ferris teacher:
Lilu?…Lilu?….LiLu?…LiLu?….LiLu?….LiLu?….LiLu?…LiLu?
I’ll go check out the guestpost.
so the only one i haven’t hit up yet is the Poop category. hmm. lemmie will hate that topic.
you’re adorable for getting a little cactus and the gumBALLS. you’re such good cookie.
If you like those, you should try the Jumtwat.
hannahjustbreathe: Glad I could perverse your mind a little bit
Fearless: It was, actually. Until it PRICKED ME. What a prick.
Maxie: Duh.
The Maiden: It’s gonna be my new “thing”, I think.
justjp: I can’t wait… I am scared, but I can’t wait.
SoMi’s Nilsa: I thought so. Thanks, babe.
Jackie: Then find some cajones, cause that sounds like a helluva TMI… the people deserve it!
Liebchen: It’s just a starting point for beginners- you’re a pro, my dear.
Kristen: Cute and furry! Just don’t pet it…
Jen -TSK: I love me some daffodils… but this will last forever!
mooooog35: I’m so honored to be your inspiration.
lustyreader: Hmmm. Porn? Penis? Passion (gone wrong)?
Mb: I do what I can
Lemmonex: Dammit, why didn’t I think of that??
alexa: Oh, you are a keeper, my dear.
Marie: Truth! I would much prefer something hard to kill.
surviving myself: I did not taste any balls last night. I will try to do better in the future.
jessica: You are WELCOME!
Oliveira: All of the above. Stellar!
Deutlich: YES! I can’t wait, you cheeky monkey…
brookem: How could I ignore the gumBALLS?? They called to me.
frecks: Seriously… this is why I love you.
I’m with Lemmonex…. the cactus will live forever, even if it turns brown after 15+ years of my dad “taking care” of it. it still grows, even in its sad, brown, bent penis looking shape.
You are a very thoughtful and prickly friend.
I love the cactus and the blow! They were a great addition to a wonderful evening. Having me over for dinner, wii, and chocolate covered pretzels was the best distraction a person could ask for. Thanks again!
The cactus is actually a great idea, those suckers live forever, and with little effort!
Cactus and Gumblow. You’re a hotdamn good friend.
I would have been thrilled with a cactus! I love them so much. And, if nothing else, the BALLS are always good for a laugh which I’m sure Jill needed. Props to you for being a great friend!
That cactus is so cute!!! You’re a good friend. I like giving little gifts that last, since flowers die so quickly, and that cactus is perfect. Once a boyfriend gave me a ceramic monkey on a surfboard. It was definitely the most, uhh, creative gift any guy has given me. Oh no, wait, the portrait of us in the style of a vintage Japanese propaganda poster was the most creative…yeah.
LOL. I’d love to know what you give for wedding presents. Cuz, y’know, I’m looking for ideas! l;)
I really don’t think plain old flowers would have produced the same smile effect. Well done.
I think that is hilarious and I would love it if someone brought me that. In fact, I was just telling the boyfriend last week that I want a cactus! There is a CVS next to my office…lunch time, perhaps?
Nice concept.
I love that you bought her a cactus. Hey, it will last much longer anyway.
Dr H: And it’s not even Thursday! Love it!
Kristina P: I give great hug.
birthcontroljill: Had a blast, love. Though I didn’t need to discover that I actually LOVE chocolate covered pretzels…
SkylersDad: Win win!
repliderium.com: And that is the BEST kind to be.
Kate: Balls ARE always good for a laugh, aren’t they? Thank goodness for them…
Georgia: I think you win the “unofficial weirdest/most creative gift from a guy” contest. Hands down.
Hannah: Hmmm. A case of Firefly Sweet Tea vodka? Trust me, they’ll LOVE you.
Racquel Valencia: I am all about the smile effect.
Lexiloo: They’re about $3. I say GO for it.
Dr Zibbs: Thanks, dear.
Stephanie: So true!
Steam Me Up: I lost you in there somehow! Bueller! Bueller! I recall… Central Park in fall…
This was so beautiful in so many many ways.
Can I come over and watch Sunny? My DVDs are nearly worn out. Also, I want to steal your Snuggie.
That is a very nice thing for you to do! I actually really like the cactus! It can live for a long time whereas the flowers will just shrivel up and die. And those jum balls? Priceless. Good gift.
Cacti are amazing! They never die, which is perfect for idiots like me.
I heart you! lol the cactus is AWESOME
I came to visit after reading your post at Kate’s, and now I’m very glad I did!
You should get working on that someecarrd, I can see it now!
Well this puts a different meaning behind “sit on a cactus”
A cactus is the best gift for someone who’s family member almost died because a cactus won’t die like regular flowers. You were being super sensitive. Way to go!
cactus and balls. that just SOUNDS right somehow.
i, uh, killed the last cactus that someone gave me. I KNOW.
I saw that tweet last night and laughed because it’s very, very true. I’m going to go with pee tomorrow I think. Mainly because it just reminded me of a story and I totally snorted water out my nose.
Just A Girl=Unsafe near beverages.
Captain Dumbass: Wasn’t it, though?
BeckEye: Anytime. And it is required that anyone who visits me don the Snuggie for a photo-op. Please click birthcontroljill’s link above for details.
Kellie: JUM BALLS indeed! Ha!
SL Ginger: Second. Except I hurt myself on it. So maybe not.
Hannah: Thanks love
Karen: I’M glad too! Welcome.
rs27: Aaaaaand there it is.
Sarah: I love the rationalization!
Alice: It does sound right, doesn’t it? Cactus balls… nice ring.
Just A Girl: I think I’m going to try to include all 4 tomorrow.
Okay, SERIOUSLY. I need to move to the East Coast and be your friend IRL. Your guest post was sooo beautiful, and this little desserty nugget was like a Dove chocolate heart that just made my heart smile with completion. I don’t even know what that meant, but I think you get it.
PS – Speaking of blog-whoring…wanna guest post for me?
PPS – Sorry I’ve been so lazy and forgetting to link back to you on TMI Thursdays! I’ll be better about that starting tomorrow.
PPPS – Um. Well. I got nothin’.
I bet those huge gum balls weren’t so
delicious. I bet they turn your mouth silly colors. Mmm. But I do bet the cactus was a hit. Lucky girl. Who wouldn’t love a cacti? I think that rocks!
And the fifth P? Penis. C’mon, those are involved in at least 50 percent of the TMIs.
I’m still learning the in’s and outs since Im not a blog hog yet so bare with me plzz… BUT your shyyzzznyt is funny woman .. u have me rolling on the floor cracking some snap crackle pops !!!
ba ha ha hah!!! you are too much.
lol the cactus thingie is cute, I’ve wanting to buy one for work too… the gum balls is just funny.. but i have a pair equally edible but not to blow bubbles, they are blue.. but they are big gum balls with the company logo, so dont you be thinking nasty shit. Specially friend headbiter up there… yes you punk. lol
Cheers
I could find a way to negligently care for and in so doing cut a cactus’ lifespan short. I could do that.
Tabitha: Get your butt to the East coast and we’ll see what we can do
P.S. Great. Now I want a Dove chocolate.
Amandaaa: Now I want my OWN cactus. I’m gonna have to go back.
FoggyDew: How COULD I?!? Prove me wrong tomorrow…
headbitingprincess: Aw, thanks love! That’s kickass to hear.
drollgirl: YOU are!
PorkStar: Blue balls? Seriously? Is it Thursday already?
f.B: I think even I could do that.
Personally, I love cacti.
And giant gum balls, come to think of it!
You called yourself a whoreface and I about died laughing! What is that pink/yellow thing on the top of your cactus?
They should just call that gum BloBalls and be done with the subtle niceties.
I thought it was a sewn ice cream cone with flowers, but I was only looking at the text above.
It’s a cute lil cactus, though. And…in the right lighting….apparently…it looks like ice cream, the go-to item for pick-me-ups.
Cactus – Cute Prick(les)
Big Balls – Big Balls
You are welcome to buy me a gift ANYTIME ya want!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
That cactus looks like an ice cream cone.
And I feel like it’s looking at me.
Love the cactus…now that has got character!! I’m posting tomorrow for TMI…its something I have never told anyone. AAAHHHHH……
I love me a good jumblo. It the only blo I’ve had that’ll turn your mouth purple. I’ve seen blue and even green… but purple. That good.
I think that cactus are awesome! Virtually impossible to kill. I never liked Jumblo – the balls were too big for my mouth.
BTW loved your guest post, maybe you could guest post for me sometime!
now i can.not.wait to give someone a sympathy cactus – except for the part where someone has to die first – that i can wait for. ok – so maybe i’m weirding myself out. i’ll stop now.
Thanks for the wonderful gift idea for my mother in law and just in time for Easter.
A cactus… this has to be a joke in a play somewhere…
if anyone bought me CAC ‘N’ BALLS, i’d get down on one knee and propose right then and there.
Live plants ought to be the preferred gift for illness and injury… I mean, cut flowers ARE DEAD! Ok, I know, flowers are beeyooteeful.. I’m a sucker for roses, glads, sunflowers, etc… but it really makes no sense. Oh my! Sorry you were nearly killed, have a plant corpse…
Ph please buy me Jumblo. I love big gum balls they make my mouth look full and funny since I’ll have a hard time chewing.
Hey – did my post early – but I see the Mr. Linky isn’t up ( but to tell the truth – not sure what that is) I am off to work – won’t be home till late can you hook me up?? Thanks a million!
AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ok, sorry, I’m done laughing about the whoreface reference…
That cactus is CUTE! Love that it has pink and yellow flowers on top…there’s your yellow!
Loved blueviolets comment about the gumballs: “They should just call that gum BloBalls and be done with the subtle niceties.” Amen to that!
Jess: Right??
blueviolet: I am a LITTLE bit of a whoreface. Only on blogs though. I think it’s a flower?
Jen: Now I want ice cream. Chunky monkey, please.
fiona: Can I air-mail a cactus?
Muppet Soul: You are the second person to say that… it must.
Lady Jane: I LOVE yours today!!!
JPP: Purple blo. Is that from Colombia?
Kimberly: “Virtually impossible to kill”- this is a good thing. And of course!
Ella: The sympathy cactus… sweeping the nation with the Snuggy and the Stankey Legg.
Spellbound: You are WELCOME!
Dmbosstone: Well? Bring it, hot shot!
raych: OMG! How are you the first person to think of that?? Awesome!
Connie: You’re right! Look how great I am.
insomniaclolita: As long as you make a vlog of it…
Lady Jane: The Mr Linky wasn’t working right- got you covered though!
Stacy (TRCC): It was cute and happy, for a cactus. And yes, blueviolet certainly has a way with words, doesn’t she? Fits right in around here…
I am genuinely impressed. I love it. Your gifts are certainly inspired.
I am seriously actually impressed. You crack me up.
I’m impressed. Did I mention I’m impressed?