***FYI, the Snuggie giveaway will continue until midnight tomorrow. Winner shall be announced on Wednesday! If I can manage it, I’ll somehow post a video here of us picking one of yous… but I might be too special/lazy to figure that out.***
Last week was a tough work week for B. As his job relates to all things on the Hill, he, like most of DC, is effected by the changes in the administration, and his office has been crazy busy lately. So when I came across a delicious recipe on my dear friend Smart Mouth Broad‘s page last Wednesday, I knew it was the perfect opportunity to make him a wonderful dinner and help him to relax for an evening after a hard day’s work.
Additionally, chicken saltimbocca is the one dish I never got sick of through years of working at a Maggiano’s Little Italy in college. I knew it couldn’t fail- pan-fried chicken wrapped in sage and prosciutto, smothered in a savory white wine and garlic sauce? Perfection, no? So I stopped off at our local Giant (more neighborhood funsies!) to buy the necessary ingredients.
I walking in and headed over to Aisle 1, aka processed meats and cheese. I found these weird prosciutto-and-mozzarella rolls, but no plain prosciutto. Slightly worried, I spotted an employee who was busily stocking Kraft singles further up the aisle.
“Excuse me,” I said, and waited. After about 30 seconds of emptying the box of Kraft, he managed to turn around. “Um, do you happen to know where I could find the prosciutto?” I asked.
“I don’t even know what that is,” he unabashedly declared.
Uhhhh… okay. Next. I spotted another gentleman sporting the Giant employee jacket near the milk and eggs.
“Prosciutto?” I asked again.
“Whassat?” He squinted at me.
“Um… it’s aged, salt-cured, shaved ham.”
“It’s fancy ham?” It took every ounce of willpower I had not to burst out laughing.
“Yeah, I guess you could call it that. Do you know where it would be?”
“Gotta be Aisle 1. That’s where all that fancy stuff is.”
“I looked there, actually. Is there anywhere else it might be?”
“You gotsta ask the deli,” he pointed. Because the enormous sign that said “DELI” over the deli wasn’t enough information for me to find the deli. But then, I’m the asshole who can’t find the fancy ham, I suppose.
After waiting in line behind two very indecisive lovers, as he and he bickered about whether to go with the salmon or the shrimp, I was ignored for another five minutes while the tiny woman behind the counter shot the shit with the butcher.
“Yeah?” she finally asked me.
“I was wondering if you knew where the prosciutto might be,” I asked, thinking, Or, yanno, if YOU at least know what it is.
“Iz right behind yoo,” she pointed. I turned and saw a small display of salami.
“Um, there isn’t any there, actually.”
“That ain’t it?”
“No, I’m afraid not.”
“Aisle 1, then,” she turned away dismissively.
“I looked there already!” I called after her.
“Then we out,” she called over her shoulder.
Sigh. I went back and grabbed one of the prosciutto/mozzarella rolls. I’d have to make it work. I gathered my other ingredients, waited behind six people in the express lane, and right as I was swiping my debit card…
realized I’d forgotten the fucking chicken.
FYI? Walking around a Giant holding Giant shopping bags full of food? Really awkward. But at least my baby got him goddamn chicken saltimbocca. And it was FABULOUS.
And it was definitely because of the fancy ham.
Update: The chicken is covered in provolone, not raw, lovers. You know I don’t eat food that’s not smothered in cheese. C’mon, now.
{ 69 comments }
I love that fancy ham with melon…
I must visit this Giant with you one day.
LOL, fancy ham! Prosciutto is my favourite – one reason I can’t fully go veg!
http://fab.typepad.com
You are a fancy ham! Your grocery sounds like a delightful place to shop. I try to make nice dinners for Beau and he just gives me the same response, “It’s always delicious.” Argh.
There have been plenty of times where I’ve went to make a fancy meal with prosciutto to impress the ladies and finding the damn prosciutto was the hardest damn part of cooking the meal. And no one that works in a grocery store has any fucking clue what it is ever…I think it’s a requirement for their hiring. Do you know what prosciutto is? No..you’re hire to work at Megamart! Watch the food network, ass bags!
-jd
Good for you for seeing it through the end.
Although, perhaps you might want to find another store the next time you need “fancy” ingredients. Personally, prosciutto doesn’t really fall into my “fancy” catagory. It’s always just there in the deli section of my yuppish Arlington Teeter.
The yuppies would probably riot if they couldn’t get their fancy ham.
Okay. If I was shopping there, I’m pretty sure it all would be laughable and there’s no way I could get out of there without laughing in the face of every employee I ran into. Seriously.
“Gotta be Aisle 1. That’s where all that fancy stuff is.”
I love this line so very much! Like every other food item in the store is labeled “plain”.
I shop at this Giant. I know your pain. I recently discovered Harris Teeter in Columbia Heights. Heaven Sent. Proscuitto up the wazoo.
Seeing as men have this internal GPS system, my Boo took a wrong turn which had us near the Ghetto Giant. He was so excited about the parking lot that I thought I would be forced to do my shopping there. Apparently, I have mastered “The Look” because we made our way out to Harris Teeter.
Trader Joe’s carries proscuitto and sometimes Harris Teeter.
What MB said. Teeter is the place to go for proschuitto. Or Trader Joe’s.
Can’t believe they didn’t know what it is. I can eat a package of that deliciousness in one go.
That’s it, I decree that we change the name of this blog to…FANCY HAM.
So much more appropriate.
Ooh. I love me some fancy ham and grilled asparagus.
Good stuff.
Lemmonex: It is truly an experience. We can get some fancy ham and make a Hawaiian pizza.
Margarita: Though clearly the Giant is trying to keep me from it, I will never stop loving salted fancy meats.
Oxen Cox: I AM a fancy ham, aren’t I?
-jd: You’re so right. Even the deli people didn’t know what I was talking about. IT’S THEIR JOB.
Foggy: They sure would. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t found ANY.
Kate: It was really, really hard. And I’m not kidding.
SkylersDad: It was a precious moment.
Mb: Yeah. But the Giant = 1 block. Anything else = too far.
Miss Scorpio: It’s early on to have mastered “The Look”! Good for you.
vazenchick: I know, but the Giant’s a block from my house. And funnier.
Marie: You would have, except that you admitted you would eat an entire package of cured meat. So you’re good.
Fearless: That’s actually kind of perfect, isn’t it?
Dolce: Throw some cheese in there are we are in BUSINESS.
That’s a lot of effort to find some prosciutto! I’m sure it was worth it, though — it has a very distinctive taste, and leaving it out (or substituting it with something “less fancy”) just wouldn’t have been the same.
Its funny, I think we shop at the same grocery store.
You know, I don’t think I’ve ever had the fancy ham. I do know what it is however. And I would try it in a Snuggie, of course.
Mmmm … yummy! Also, this reminds of the time my two vegan friends were attempting to find hummus in an Arkansas Wal-mart. It only took THREE PEOPLE to (a) figure out what it is and (b) determine that they don’t sell it.
really. the people working at the grocery store need to be told that prosciutto is fancy ham. they need a lesson in tasty meats obviously.
Oh Sweetie don’t cha just love it??
When I first moved to Loozerana I went to the grocery looking for prosciutto. The girl behind the butcher counter looked at me and said “Is zat some type of disease? Cause dey make us take test at de Held Depahtment.” Yeah I gave up.
Fancy ham, love it! Next time you want lobster just ask for the really big shrimp.
That Giant makes everything hard work. Still waiting on the Harris Teeter to open two blocks away, I’ve just started going to that new Safeway.
And I thought it was just my ghetto grocery store that didn’t know what fancy ham was. Had an almost identical experience about 6 months ago.
Your dish looks delish! I knew you were a bartender extroadinaire, but I didn’t know about Chef LiLu. Very nice, Lady!
I second naming your blog fancy ham!
Zandria: Trust me, that dish is NOTHING without the fancy ham.
Matt: 9th and O?
Kristina P: Do yourself a favor and grab some fancy ham, cantaloupe, and mozzarella. You won’t be sorry.
Kate: That is hilarious! But somehow I’m not surprised…
jane in the waiting line: True. But I’m not sharing.
Gladys: HAAAAA that’s too funny. At least you knew she as clean…
ifihadtopickfive: I totally will, too.
f.B: Oh, how I miss the Teet.
PLT: Honestly, B’s actually a better chef than me, but we both love cooking. I just didn’t know it until, like, a year ago.
Ginger: I just might have to, honestly. It fits too perfectly.
Yum!
I would have died laughing at the fancy ham comment. I feel for you with your grocery selections, Publix is the place to be down south! Loooove it. (Might even love more than the Teet…)
I love fancy ham.
Some people….
Way to stick it out. I’m sure your bf appreciated (sp?) the meal!
for a minute there I thought you were eating raw marinaded chicken, then as I looked closer on the picture I realized it was the melted cheese that made it looked uncooked…then I had a food orgasm, I want that chicken
oh how hilarious. Don’t you just love total incompetence?
I think the last time I bought the fancy ham was at Whole Foods. That was unfortunate. More unfortunate still, it was the week before Easter, and apparently that means some kind of run on all but the fanciest of fancy hams. I paid something outrageous like $22/lb. Next time I’ll remember the giant ; )
I always get so frustrated in situations like that I would have just left. ha ha then I would have called my husband crying that I wanted to make him a nice dinner but everything went down the crapper…ha ha maybe it’s just because I’m a hormonal nut case…I wasn’t always like that! But I’m so glad you persevered!!! It looks delicious!
that chicken looks raw which is causing me to panic. please tell me you have disinfected everything.
also – my daughter will not shut up about wanting a ‘snuggle blanket’ so she needs to win or i stick ice picks in my ears. this will also eliminate the need for the ‘keep your hands where i can see them’ rule when wrapped in a blanket. ‘nuf said as to why.
and . . . i’m stealing the term fancy ham.
love, the world’s longest commenter
this totally reminded me of the song “Too High for the Supermarket” from Uninvited.
This is the reason why I like having a Wegmans walking distance from my apartment. For reals yo!
Well, it’s settled. I might go apply for a job at that Giant. I may be uniquely qualified as I, too, had no idea what prosceitettoscsosto or whatever was until I read your tale. And I’ve been to Italy!
Although I dare any of you to tell me where I can find some delicious khadjapuri around these parts. YEAH! WHO’S CONFUSED NOW?!?!
How does that fancy ham taste in a sammich with American cheese?
If I have to look it up to spell it, I don’t eat it. Thank the lord I know how to spell Top Ramen.
I feel like these Giant employees and I would get along just a little too well.
Smothered in cheese = smothered in heaven
I love how prosciutto, bacon, sausage, ham and pork chops come from one magical animal.
Thank God I’ve never been a fancy man. However, in a rural Virginia convenience store once, the clerk asked if I needed any help, and I said, “No thanks, I’m still purveying your wares,” and a similar class divide was established.
Ugh I hate rude people! Having worked in the hotel business I have the customer service aspect DRILLED into me! Which means I know when to bitch about the customers and that is AFTER they leave or hang up the phone! But the rudest thing is chatting with a co-worker when clearly someone is waiting for your services!
And I thought of you over the weekend in case GASP God forbid anything ever happens to your beloved snuggie and you need one on the fly! AND for those of your readers who happen to be close to a Bed Bath & Beyond store! $14.99!!! They have ALL the as seen on tv doodads like the ShamWOW, the pedi-egg, the bra thingies (which DO work), and the hair remover thing and all cheaper since there is no shipping!
Glad B got his yummy dinner!
You’ve gotta admire the blatant honesty of the first guy: “I don’t even know what that is!”
That said, the chicken looks fantastic. B’s a lucky guy.
Kristin: I’m so jealous! You need to take me to a Publix when we get down there in April.
verybadcat: Who doesn’t?
Jackie: When I get an idea in my head…
Chele: Always cheese. LOTS of cheese.
magda: With the Giant, you have a 50/50 of finding fancy ham… but always 100% chance of being entertained.
Jen R: I was not a happy camper when I got home. He actually ended up doing half the work of making dinner
But I cleaned!
Claire: Fancy ham: sweeping the nation faster than the Snuggie.
Dr. H: HA. You’re welcome.
justjp: What I would give for a Wegmans.
Marissa: khadja…whatee? You win.
Jenni: Hmmm… now I wish I had more… with some sourdough? That sounds DELICIOUS.
TishTash: You would change your tune if you tasted some Fancy Ham.
Racquel Valencia: They were funny, at least.
The Pumpernickel: And this is why I love you.
JoLee: AND they make great pets! But for some reason B won’t let me get a pot-bellied pig. ?!
pistols: You goddamn purveyor.
Shelly: That’s where he got them! And my mom got me the bra thingies- agree, they actually work!
Liebchen: I always admire honesty. But I admire a knowledge of salty meats more. Thanks, love. And welcome home.
Great post! And I do love that “fancy ham”, too. Thanks for stopping by my blog and for the kind comment!
LOL,fancy ham!
Glad it turned out! I usually have to go to speciality Italian Delis around here to get the fancy shit!
B is a lucky, lucky man. And I know he knows it, which makes me very happy.
Also, I only want to call it fancy ham from here on out. And everything with prosciutto can only be delicious.
Fancy ham! I would have wet my pants right there on the floor. And this sounds delish – anything with garlic, wine & pig is okay in my book!
B is a very very lucky man!!!
Fancy ham is YUM!!!!! Now get me a snuggie!!!
I dont think i have ever made something I couldn’t pronounce.
that makes you a go getter! and awesome.
Petunia: Of course, dear. And who wouldn’t want fancy ham?
margelina: Apparently, so do I!
Lisa: Henceforth, I decree that all things pork be referred to as “fancy ham”.
Piper Jacquelyn: Anything with garlic, wine and pig indeed!
Attaining Me: And he knows it
Jules: Ha- working on it, love!
Fizzgig: To be fair, I probably only pronounce it correctly because of working in that damn Italian restaurant. Thanks, babe.
You know where I come from, prosciutto is in the deli section … not in an aisle. In fact, I worked in the deli section of a supermarket and have sliced up many a prosciutto for inquiring customers.
Snuggies make me giggle!
I would have enjoyed being
a passerby at the grocery store
while the conversation about
the prosciutto was going on.
Looks awesome. Giants sounds like Food Lion. I love fancy ham.
Unabashed is one of my favorite words. I must use it more often. Of course I do not eat ham, fancy or other wise, but I do recall trying to find capers at the only grocery store in my home town of (wait for it) Beaver Dam Ky. I am quite certain they still talk about that around the old cracker barrel.
It does look raw and translucent in a 1973 biology text book kind of way.
fancy ham makes everything taste better. what is wrong with those people?:P
Thanks for the linky love. I’m glad you enjoyed the recipe. It looks yummy.
Don’t forget to remember who loves ya when it’s time to pick the Snuggi winner.
Hold the phone, there is a snuggie giveaway? How did I not know this? Oh that is right I am blonde and kinda slow sometimes.
you worked at maggiano’s?!?! i want family style – RIGHT NOW.
Fancy ham = the besteses.
Oh Giant…
Sweet, sweet, Giant….
How I miss you so.
I now how to go to someplace called “Ralphs”, which is not as friendly and approachable as the name might imply.
You are a far braver chef than I.
You cook?! You continue to amaze me. Every day. Also, I have an award for you at my blog. I buttering you up to get my name in the Snuggie drawing more than once. (Not really, but a girl can try.)
EM: Any apartments in your building?
Amanda: I bet I would have gotten their attention, at least.
Stephanie: Food Lion! It’s exactly like that. Oh, god, how I DON’T miss Food Lion.
Spellbound: I bet they are. But it’s worth it for their biscuits and sausage gravy… mmmm…
lacochran: Ewwwwwwwwwwwww
insomniaclolita: YOU get me.
SMB: It was delicious- and duly noted.
LBluca77: You better get well soon, dear!
alexa: Ugh. Those words make my heart implode.
Muppet Soul: You MISS Giant? Where the hell are you, again?
JPP: Aw, I heart you love. Mmmm… butter…
Wait…did my comments in the Snuggie post put me in the drawing for a Snuggie? Because I really need one. Just last night I was wrapped up in a blanket and couldn’t drink my drink because my arms were TRAPPED INSIDE! It was awful. I nearly became dehydrated.
Isn’t it sad that I’ve never been to maggiano’s. It’s like a sin against my last name.
Okay, maybe that was a little over dramatic, but you get it.
I love prosciutto and chicken and cheese! Throw in some pasta, alfredo, sundried tomato… ooh! I know what’s for dinner. Except I may be out of fancy ham… sigh…
Mmmm. Now I am hungry.
BeckEye: Of course they did… I’m sorry you didn’t win, love! I hope yours wasn’t the other Post It I pulled out
Maxie: Overdramatic? Us? NEVER.
Connie: Do they make Fancy Ham in Egypt?
WickedCourtni: ME TOO!
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