Uh oh… is that existential crisis I smell?
As I get older, so much seems to change. It can be disconcerting at times, when I read posts of college kids and think how that was so me!… oh, five years ago… that naiveté and confusion and drowning in a puddle of angst? I owned it. I knew it far too well.
And then I read posts of those who’ve moved on to a different place, a place that’s honestly much closer on my own horizon than I care to admit. People who own houses, and have spouses, and sometimes even children. (Literally! Mini-thems who look up to them and DEPEND on them for stuff- for everything! Crazy talk.)
Yet, I know much of this is in store for me; that soon enough, I will become one of them.
Whereas marriage used to be this big scary idea for grown-ups, it’s now something my own friends are openly contemplating. Not just people I know. MY friends are getting engaged (engagement rings, real ones! I remember when those were just ring pops…), and buying homes, and developing careers. “The rest of our lives” used to be this ominous thing in the distance; something intangible that would have to be dealt with at some point… but was too obscure to warrant anything approaching real consideration.
But then one evening you’re at a bar with friends, a respectable establishment, even -sitting around a table like civilized people. And you’re there from for happy hour instead of til 2 am, and you’re simply holding a conversation with people whose company you enjoy, instead of standing elbow to elbow with a bunch of college minions at the bar taking jagerbombs.
And at some point, you all realize that you are having an animated conversation about how dusty the wall moldings in your bathrooms get, and the different techniques you use in order to attack said dust. When the hilarity of conversation is pointed out, it makes you all a little sad, even though it’s funny. Because, you know, it means you are old(er). In college, we couldn’t have told you what a wall molding was, nevermind how to clean it. In fact, no bathroom ever used in college ever even gets cleaned.
And you’re excited because tomorrow you don’t have to work, which means you can “sleep in”… but in your head, “sleeping in” now means until 8 or 9 am instead of noon. If you have mimosas or go to brunch and have a drink when you wake up on Saturday, the chances of you doing anything that night decrease by about 80%.
These are the moments when you know that things are different. That you are so clearly no longer in that place where you used to be. That you are no longer a ‘kid’. You are a member of the rat race, rushing off to Work everyday at 8 in the morning. You check the weather before you dress. You try and get a balanced breakfast in your stomach. Suddenly, one day, the word “fiber” has meaning.
You occasionally think to yourself, “Man, I haven’t had a good poop in a while.” Sometimes you come out of the bathroom shaking your head, because whatever happened in there was a bit of a tragedy, and ohsowrong.
People you know- your friends!- will host dinner parties, and it is understood that everyone will bring a token of appreciation, because that’s how grown ups Do Things. The food will consist of more than chips and salsa and pizza, and the company will be there to enjoy spending time together, rather than trying to bang each other.
“Going out to dinner” with friends comes to mean a real restaurant, not the crappy (but beloved) Mexican restaurant down the street where you can get a microwaved chicken quesadilla for $3.99 and 24 ounce Dos Equis for $2. (Though sometimes you joke about slummin’ it and still go anyway.) Instead of splitting checks 5 ways, someone just says, “I’ll get this time. You get next.” There is flexibility, and an aura of relaxation about such things that used to seem so important.
You mellow. You try to understand your reactions, and to work on your faults, to try to be better. But you always half-ass it until that day when you meet someone who actually makes you want to be a better person, a la Jack Nicholson.
It seems the most consistent change is that life slowly becomes more and more about quality, rather than quantity. A successful party is no longer defined purely by the number of attendees. The circle of friends becomes smaller and smaller, but more and more meaningful. Lustful relationships are replaced by love, real love that can mature and endure over the years. You appreciate your parents, and start to worry about them for a change. At the extremely superficial level, you delight in deleting superficial acquaintances from Facebook, rather than adding them.
I’m there, folks. Whether I want to be or not, I am. The question is, where is this place? Is it limbo? Do I have one foot in Kidland, doing the splits into Grown Up World? Or is this twenty-something place an entity in itself?
Either way… I think I like it.
{ 112 comments }
It’s odd. I do feel grown up and responsible. I pay my bills on time and I will make sure I drink water and have moneys for cabs…
…But being single at this age? It makes you feel not quite grown up. I have friends who are married and who are having babies–WILLINGLY BREEDING–and there is a part of me that feels left behind, still kinda like a kid.
Are you trying to tell us that you’re pregnant?
I have vowed never to let day drinking ruin my chances of going out at night.
but you’re right. It is getting tougher.
aaawww . . . i love seeing 20somethings get to this place. seriously – brings a tear to my eye. take it from a 30something, the best is yet to come my dear! (oooh – a term like ‘my dear’ just made me sound really old)
The funny thing about this growing up thing. I used to think about the college days (which are twice as far away for me than they are for you) and really get upset that those days are gone. But now, I don’t really get all that upset. Instead, I just crack up at the old college days. They were great, but I’ve somehow become contented with where I am now. I got me a career, an amazing wife, an awesome dog, and a kid on the way that hopefully will sleep through the night and not crap it’s diaper while Daddy is around…and (THIS IS PAINFULLY CHEESY!!!!) I couldn’t be happier.
That said, my wife is going out of town in a few weeks and all my college friends are coming down for the weekend. We’re going to get insanely drunk for 3 days straight and be incredibly immature and it’s going to be AMAZING!!!!
Wow, this is a great post. I might link to it today.
Aww someone’s growing up???? ha ha I agree with Lemmonex it is tougher being single when you are older and watching your friends carry on with their lives. Especially in your 30′s! I just read today was a friend from college’s 8th anniversary and here I am still just dating and hoping one day my time will come!
LiLu get out of my head. I had these same thoughts yesterday as I cooked myself a healthy dinner and managed to clean my kitchen all in one night. Just for that, I’m going to stay up until 2am tonight and get a little tipsy. I still feel the need to rebel against adulthood every now and again.
as usual, you are super prescient. last night before i went out to a meeting (a MEETING at night. not a HAPPY HOUR) i was eating dinner and i looked down at my plate – salmon, salad and a slice of cornbread. i almost reeled in horror when i realized i was eating a Real Meal for dinner. don’t get me wrong, i’ve been cooking for years, but it’s been your garden variety mashed potatos and sausage and gravy every night until it was warm and i could eat margaritas for dinner.
this comment is already too long, so i’ll just say – yes. 20something world is a weird and wonderful place to be.
Aw, very heartwarming
I’m glad you’re not only content, but happy in this spot.
I do have to echo Lemmonex and Shelly. Even though I’m a homeowner and have a solid career, I do feel left behind on the husband/baby factor…to the point where I think “Damn! If I do get engaged none of you bitches can come to my bachelorette party b/c you either can’t drink or b/c you have to take care of your already born baby”. How’s that for making it all about me
Great post, Darling!
I DEFINITELY relate, especially as a newlywed I love using all my wedding gifts like wine decanters, linen napkins with our monogrammed initials embroidered on it (thanks southern friends!), and best of all a Dyson vacuum…it never loses suction! So these items now grace my parties and my conversations and yes I laugh at myself, but like you, I also accept that these things bring me pleasure, just like 4 years ago my room-mate handing me a beer while I was in the shower and making me chug it was pleasurable.
The biggest “split” for me is those friends who have not made the jump to the same place that we are, who laugh AT me and not with me for enjoying my more “boring” lifestyle as they call it, and it’s getting more and more awkward to be around them…
This was a really good post. Make sure to leave feet in both the kid world and the adult world, that way you can step into each one when the time is right. It keeps you well rounded.
Great post. I’m kind of an oddball I guess, in that I’m kind of standing with a foot on both sides. The whole confused, self-conscious college kid (here, allow me to admit to all of my inner faults in one comment, yay!) and yet also the whole, sleeping in means 8 or 9, discussing cleaning techniques instead of hottie gossip, voluntarily calling it a night before the clock changes to AM, and my friends are getting engaged.
But thanks for penning it better than I could have – seriously, love it. (Heh, do I win the longest comment prize? Sorry, dudette).
oooh im there
29ish and happy.
It just keeps getting better and better….
You sound like those insurance advertisements, “I’m there”. As you stand in your red dot. (snort)
Well I think it is a beautiful thing what you are recognizing. I guess my parents were right about growing up and I realize it isn’t all that bad.
I’m still getting pissed out my mind tonight. Ah the freelance world is my oyster… if the oyster was a bar.
“and the company will be there to enjoy spending time together, rather than trying to bang each other.”
Wait a minute, you mean to tell me I have to spend time with people and not try to get laid. The hell you say!
BTW: Agree 100% with everything you have said here today. It is a bit strange.
Getting older doesn’t mean you have to get old. I meet people all the time who are my age who seem to act like they’re 50 already.
While I don’t like to go around and carry on like a 21 year old all the time, I think it’s healthy to remind yourself once in a while that you’re only as old as you feel.
It’s the only kind of splits I can do. Never leave kid world completely. Just dabble in it every now and again. It’s good for us all.
This is such a great post.
This time in our lives is definitely a little scary/thrilling/exciting/vomit-inducing… but all in all… good. I’m looking forward to seeing how all of our lives unfold.
Oh. My. God.
I just related to everything you wrote. EVERYTHING. Well, maybe not the $4 quesadilla thing, but I’m from the Maritimes, we don’t have Mexican food. Or Mexicans. Or anyone other than French, Irish and Scottish people.
I feel a hundred thousand times better about being pseudo grown-up right now. Thank you.
That was a really great post.
Being grown up at such a young age, you miss out on the young stuff.
I’m getting there slowly. I still feel like it’s an accomplishment if I can clean the bathroom, take out the trash AND go to the gym after work. Nonetheless I show up for work EVERYDAY (class attendance was never so stellar) and I do like leaving the bar early…or just staying home entirely.
This is fantastic, my dear. You definitely hit the nail on the head. I’ve found myself thinking some of the exact same things. I love the term “quarter-life crisis.”
This is a great post. It’s been many moons since I’ve been in college and can tell you having a close circle of friends is awesome! However, never turn your back on making a new friend, they may become a close friend.
I prefer meeting friends at homes or quieter restaurants but it is because most have famillies and we’re catching up so time is limited and I want to hear them.
I still will go out till all hours, but not as often — and low budget can still be the best.
Enjoy whatever phase of life you’re entering. Embrace whatever comes your way and remember LAUGHTER will get you through everything (you seem to have that mastered).
One day I plan on growing up, but that day is not today.
Heck I have grown kids and I’m still where you are. Do I have to grow up?
(Ok… well my last comment seems to have been deleted or some crap… blogger has issues lately…so here goes again)
Welcome to my own little dilemma! Kinda like my post where you said being a chameleon is the best way to go… and I agree with -jd about keeping a foot in both worlds…
Speaking from my view (mommyhood/home owner/ all that crap) it’s great to have a smaller more intimate group of friedns, it’s great to have respectable dinners… but it’s also still great to pony up to a bar and do hella jaeger bombs! (and I can hold my liquor a lot better in my “old age”!)
Welcome to the “dark side” of growing up
It’s not all that bad!
go to graduate school in the humanities… 5+ years more just like your senior year of college! except your classmates aren’t nearly as cute. or cool.
Sometimes some people tend to go backwards in time after having developed into a full responsible adult. Let’s say, a wife who decides to fall in love with someone who should not and starts behaving like a teenager… just saying.
And about poop, you forgot sometimes you may need ointments in the cabinets for such ocassions.
I always thought I’d be very ‘ready’ to grow up – potentially the first of my friends to get married, have kids, and buy a house.
But I’m really not ready and really not so interested in it. It gives me anxiety and I’m just not..’there’ yet.
Which is why I’m going back to grad school and why I’m going to try a different route to this whole ‘grown up’ world.
AHH! I have real world anxiety!
My body is getting older, but my brain still works as a 5-year old most of the time. It’s probably to counter all the stress and anxiety we have to face as adults. I think I’ll continue in my little limbo for a long while!
I remember when I started feeling this way (and still do) and it was a startling realization. You articulated it much better than I would ever be able to, but it’s exactly the way I feel!
At 32, I can vouch that the feeling of, “Am I in the right place in my life?” never really goes away. Some friends are married, some have kids, most do not. I throw a party and instead of tequila and limes, people bring babies and strollers. I think maturity is more about keeping your eyes on your own paper, and figuring out what’s right for you, rather than looking around at your friends and deciding you should catch up.
Sure, I’d prefer be married with a baby at this point, but I’m not going to shove myself into a place that doesn’t fit just so I can catch up to my friends.
Great, thought-provoking post.
I don’t think it’s limbo. I think it’s finding your place in the world without losing touch with your inner child. It’s important to remember that even as you grow up, you can’t forget to let loose once in a while.
Amazing post
Life just takes you different places I suppose. I’m 25 with a 3 year old and a bf. A lot of our friends are married, we’re waiting to settle down a bit, save more money, I still feel like a kid but I see all these “adults” around me my age…. Definitely an eye opener. Good post.
http://fab.typepad.com
So true love, so true. I am so in limbo. I would rather have dinner and be in bed early, but due to lack of a better half, I’m forced to be out at the bars too late drinking an occasional Bomb or 4.
What is miss is the $20 bar tab, not the $60 because you must now drink high end vodka and tequila because your body can’t take the hangover associated with the well drinks.
I’d love to get to the other side…
This post is amazing by the way.
x
I’m failing miserably at being a grown up. I was better at it and more ready when I was 22 than I am now. I think I panicked when several of my friends got married and stopped returning the phone calls/texts of their single friends. I don’t want to be like that. And I suck at being in a relationship – actually I’m great at it, I just pick guys who aren’t.
I’m scared.
I love it, this grown up thing. Although on occasion I like to go back to non-grown up behavior. Keeps me lively.
I can totally relate to this. My closet friends are either married or getting married really soon. And I’m only 26! I’m just dating around but I’m feeling pressure to “settle down” or my favorite “find some new single friends.” It’s so annoying. I just want to be young and fun without being looked down on because I’m not rushing into getting married. So crazy.
I do feel like I’m getting old when my favorite part of the weekend is getting to sleep in. Or the fact that I like to start heading home around midnight so I can chillax. Wow that does sounds like an old fogie.
Great post today!
Wow chica. This post is spot on. And now I’m depressed. Thnx. But I guess you couldn’t have known that an existential crisis would be contagious. I’m refusing to grow up for as long as I can still pull it off.
Who the hell wrote this? Lilu or Mao Tse Tung? Because if it was Lilu then you have turned into an ancient chinese philosopher.
Also when I build my time machine we’ll be 22 forever. This can only be good.
What scares me is that this being a grown-up thing? I seem to be taking to it like a duck to water and I’m only barely legal to drink.
Sometimes I think I really am an old man trapped in a 21 year-old’s body.
“You know you’re old when you start talking about bowel movements with your friends, and REALLY CARING TO HEAR ABOUT IT.”
I believe we had that exact convo a month or so ago. Crazy times.
Ahhh yes…I remember those days. It’s all good, my dear. Our little LiLu is growing up. You’re gonna love it!
So, exactly when did you smoke the peacepipe in the teepee with the crazy Indian guy?
This was a great post. And oh, so true! There are times when you just realize you’ve left that post-adolescent veracity behind for something more concrete. It’s scary and good all at once.
Lemmonex: WILLINGLY BREEDING- these people should be stamped. I kid. Sorta.
Fearless: Of course! How’d you know? B, how are you taking the news? … Oh, even I can’t keep a straight face on that one.
Matt: I am weak.
Clarie: Oh. Should I not be saying dear…?
Heart you, DEARIE. I just one-upped you!
Thoughts: I daresay you have found the perfect balance. When we finally get a dog, I’ll know we’re there.
K @ Blog Goggles: Thanks, love.
Shelly: It will, my darling! I PROMISE.
Mb: No. I will not get out of your head. I WILL, however, rebel with you. Not til 2am though. Maybe 10. Baby steps.
Vittoria: I’m glad you feel the same way. Weird and wonderful indeed. Now pass the gravy.
PLT: Thanks, love. And those bitches will come… they HAVE to. They owe you!
lustyreader: Ooooo wine decanter! Nice vaccuum! Oh my! I would love those things too… but B will still hand me a beer in the shower and make me chug it. See? BALANCE.
-jd: Thanks, darlin. I think you’re 100% about that. And I think I’m doing pretty well, honestly.
inkpuddle: Thanks, chica. I know EXACTLY what you mean. But can’t we discuss cleaning techniques AND hottie gossip…? Awesome.
meredith: And I’m so glad, my love!
ifihadtopickfive: That’s all I hear. And it makes me so, so happy
Oxen Cox: Don’t you hate it when they’re right?
justjp: Well, there’s nothing wrong with getting laid. Maybe for you, it’s only HALF as much your intent for the evening?
briankainec: Agreed, 100%. I think 27′s a nice place to be, mentally. I’ll stay there once I hit it.
JPP: *Dabble dabble* Check!
Julie: Thanks, love. I’m glad we’re taking the ride together.
Racquel Valencia: The second you come down to DC to visit (AND YOU WILL), I am taking you out for Real Mexican Food. Deal? And you’re welcome, love.
delizcious: Thanks. I feel like it’s all about striking the perfect balance.
Bethie: Clean the br, trash AND the gym? I’d feel good accomplishing that over a weekend…
Liebchen: Thanks, love. And YES. I should have called this Quarter Life Crisis instead
LMB: You’re so right. And if I have anything mastered, it’s laughter! THAT is for sure. Thanks, darling.
LBluca77: Drink a jagerbomb for me…
Gladys: I hope not!
Miles to Go: Sorry blogger is a loser. I’m liking the dark side… and I definitely appreciate having blogs like yours to guide me through it! You guys have definitely found “the balance”.
Dr H: Humanities, huh? Hmmm… already got the BA in Psych…
PorkStar: Ointments? Stop right there, Mr. It ain’t Thursday yet.
laurwilk: I totally hear you on the anxiety… hmm… it is a good time to go back to school!
I utterly refuse to let some of childhood go (hence the Disney movie love). But I also really appreciate the sense of self – though often cloudy and vulnerable to change – I have now.
And what is it about today that’s making everyone pensive? I did the same sort of thing.
Growing up, or feeling like you’ve gotten to a step in the growing up process, is a weird thing. I feel like it comes and goes, and the details shift back and forth, no matter what your age.
(Spoken from, of course, a place of extreme age AND wisdom.)
It is definitely weird being a grown up!!
I had to get sober in order to grow up, so I’ve really only been doing it for two years now, and I’m in my late thirties. But I think someone said – keep at least one toe in the kid world for hysterical giggles, snorting and wetting your pants. It’s worth every moment.
Marie: I like your theory. And one of my blog tags is “I’m still 5 years old”…
Jacqueline: Aw, thanks sweets. I try. And it’s good to know I’m not alone.
Shannon: Thanks, lady. That means a lot, especially coming from you.
PQ: Amazing comment. You hit it perfectly. Apparently I could have written this in three sentences instead of 40
Margarita: It’s funny how people are all different ages… but they don’t relate to their actual number. Thanks, love.
notyourplainjane: Thanks, sweets. I hope you cross over soon… but I imagine you’ll be better off when you do for the experiences you’re making now.
Just A Girl: You’re going backwards! Can I do that?? Don’t be scared, my love. We’re all going through it together…
Deutlich: Amen. And I love playing “kids” with you!
Kristen: We can be old fogies together! Thanks, love. I’m certainly not looking down at you, and I’m in no rush to get married either. What’s the hurry?
los_tartist: Nooo I didn’t mean it to be depressing! Just thought provoking… I’m sorry love.
rs27: Mao Tse Tsung is my FAVORITE. Totally badass. But can you remove the “ancient” from there?
Great post today, I totally feel like I am in the same place. I just moved into an new apartment and it is all grown up, no more miss matched furniture, no more hand me down stuff. Everything is mine the I bought with my own money. Feels weird to be in this place and still feel so broke. Your post really summed it up, thanks for giving me something to ponder.
theoddduckling: Never fear, darlin. I bet you regress.
Kristin: We totally did. And I'll probably call you this evening to discuss them some more. Deal?
nothingfancy: I really hope you're right, love.
moooooog35: Pass the cheetos, please.
Kim: Scary and good, weird and wonderful, all of the above… and thanks!
f.B: I think it's how dreary it's been lately? Or maybe I'm just, yanno, growing up…
Lisa: It's definitely a step-by-step process, oh wise one!
Kristina P: I don't think I could have pulled the Snuggie off in college…
Kate: A toe? Let's keep a whole damn leg. <3
Witty: Welcome, dear. I know EXACTLY how you feel… thanks for sharing!
I love this. I left that time behind a long time ago – but I remember it well. It’s its own thing – not a limbo. Just Enjoy it. It’s being a grownup without kids.
Oh and don’t worry about having conversations about cleaning bathroom molding when you are older and DO have kids. You no longer have time to care about that kind of thing. Or you get a maid.
You are wise beyond your years and I should know considering I am 48 and didn’t figure out most of what you have already figured out until much later in life.
I have a freshman in college and a freshman in highschool, and I always say I’m old enough to have kids this old, but I’m not mature enough. And I never will be. And that’s ok with me. I believe you can be grown up but still be young at heart.
At 28 I’m convinced that it only gets better… and it looks like you’ll be blogging about this too!
Word to the Buddha!
Look at you, Lilu, all grown up. I think it’s the Snuggi. *wink*
I think I knew I had, ahem, matured when I traded in Cheetos and Mountain Dew for Wheat Chex and OJ at breakfast.
I can smell the calm before the storm as well. I love your blog and your thoughts.
What makes you smile? Come and enter the Under the Sheets giveaway contest.
Quality rather than quantity sums it up pretty well…you don’t have as much time to be spending it on people who aren’t your favorites.
Re: dusty moldings…It’s not those kinds of conversations that get you, it’s having those kinds of conversations and not being able to laugh at yourself for having them. Once you start to have serious conversations about those things, you are a walking Pledge commercial and it’s just a slow march to death from there.
I LOVED this. For real.
How trueeee. It always makes my
friends and I laugh when
we’re leaving the bar at 11:30 or
12…especially when the younger
generation starts rolling in at this
time. We can’t help but wonder when
24 meant old? Pshh. Whatever.
AND…my bathroom in college was ALWAYSSSS clean. I made my roomies stick to a very strict cleaning schedule. Yuppp-I was that girl!
I don’t understand wall moldings, and yeah go to the place for on the look out purpose hahaha I’m so in college :/
I do however go to dinner parties and go to nice establishments. Guess I’m heading there too?:P
I like to think of it as pergutaory, myself. Kidding.
Sorta.
But all joking aside, the stability that comes with being grown is comforting. And it is nothing short of thrilling knowing you have a partner on which to share your adventures and lean on when shit goes south.
I am a huge proponent of marriage. It’s VERY hard work but the rewards are like nothing I experience when single or shacking up with a boyfriend.
I Read-shared this post but also added to it that being a married twenty-something is the worst because then nobody gives a shit how you’re doing or what you’ve been up to, they only want to know when you’re going to spawn.
Kate CH: A grown up without kids… that must be why it’s working so well
Wild Boomba: I agree 100%. That’s definitely what I’m shooting for.
[F]oxy: I hope you’re right… that’s what everyone says. Hope they’re not tricking us!
SMB: It must be. The damn thing is aging me.
Kate: Wait. I have to turn in the Cheetos? Crap.
Laura: Thanks, darling. I totally entered
Steam Me Up: I will always laugh at myself for discussing dusty moldings. That much I can promise you.
Amanda: I was the girl that made you angry by not ever cleaning the bathroom. Sorry…
insomniaclolita: One foot in. You’re halfway there!
CageQueen: I’d love to read a post about this: I am a huge proponent of marriage. It’s VERY hard work but the rewards are like nothing I experience when single or shacking up with a boyfriend.
I miss the fun and spontaneity that comes with being young, but I’m happy being settled and stable now.
I have to say though I don’t really understand all the 20-somethings that are in such a rush to reproduce. We may not be kids, but we still have some good fertile years left, y’know!
Just wait until the time comes when you realize that your career decision may not have been the wisest one. You find yourself in your mid-30′s, unemployed and contemplating a return to school to do something new for a living.
Thanks for stopping by the Swamp Gas, come again soon.
You totally plucked this post right out of my head- my bff and I were talking about taxes and mortgages and the like this past weekend, and it suddenly struck me how grown up it all was.
Le ugh.
Is it wrong to want both a lustful and a love-ful relationship??
xo
I LOVED this post. Very very true. Every single sentence. And you know what, I wouldn’t go back to younger years if you paid me (well maybe, I do have a mortgage to pay..).
And here’s another sign: You look at the clock on any night during the work week and it says 10:30. You then have a miniature freak out because it is SO late and you better get to bed if you want a full night’s sleep!
P.S.
You know how much I want that Snuggie.. sign me up!!
This was a great post!
Growing up and maturing is all fine and dandy it’s when you look in the mirror and some old wrinkly is looking back at ya that it gets scary!
Trust me “sorella” I’m living it “NOT” loving it…hehehe
An excellent post! While you are busy being all grown up, let this older dude remind you to keep having fun, because when you have fun at my age, things break.
We enjoy our conversations at dinner a lot these days, but still try to bang each other…
Reading this made me feel really good. I’m almost there, I think. I’m almost to that place and I’m excited about it. And I’m really happy that you’re loving where you are!
Hannah: Amen to that. IF I pop any out, it’ll be on my own time!
aliencg: Eh, the only thing that sounds so bad about that is the whole unemployed thing… McDonald’s, anyone?
Princess OTU: B picked at me about that line too. To be clear, I DO LUST FOR HIM. I also love him, truly madly and deeply. It is possible!
Jessica: Aw, thanks. And YES, I totally hear you on the clock thing! It was 10:15 the other night and I caught myself saying “It’s late”…
fiona: You wouldn’t trade one minute of your life. I know this.
SkylersDad: Well, sure. A little banging is a good thing. Maybe a lot.
Jaime: It’s an exciting ride, no?
Glad to be sharing it with you, chica.
gosh you popular lady- i get over here and the comments are already in the 70′s!
i hear you, im pretty much there too. doesn’t mean we don’t need to do a throwback to the young days now and then… just as a reminder— good or bad.
I know what you mean… I’ve hit that place a while ago, when you notice your single friends are dwindling, the rest married or engaged. Friends talking about thinking of “getting pregnant” and all that stuff.
Meeting the boy, he also talks about “the” future and makes long term plans on how he can provide for a family and things of the sort.
When he asked about my plans 5 years from now, I was forced to admit that I never think that far, I just worry month to month, year to year… Since when have I become an adult and I actually have to PLAN the things I want? (Sucks to no longer be in the phase when you think things will just fall into place sooner or later!)
Once in a while I still rebel and sleep until noon, however!
I remember the middle twenties as being a beautiful time in my life. This is when I met my future husband and landed my first serious job. I was also scary but fun. I also enjoyed discovering sit down restaurants. Our first dinner together was a lobster dinner in Georgetown. How’s that for being an adult?
My point is, enjoy this time in life. It’s a great time and it will only get better as you age.
I should know I am past forty and I’m having a helluva time.
Thank you for this. I constantly freak out about this. Usually after hanging out with my friends from college. I’m 26, recently married but still want the best of both worlds. I like myself better today than I ever have though. And I’ve learned too much about myself to go back.
Twentysomething??? Jesus. Youth is wasted on the young.
I’ll switch places with you. Believe me, it’s all fun and games until you hit thirty. And then suddenly you’re 35. I just backslid into 36 and suddenly bouncers at bars are calling me a “cougar.” And I found three gray hairs. Fuck this shit. Take me back to college.
oh, so eloquently spoken, dear one. One day I woke up and was all, “holy shit! I’m an ADULT!” Now I think about my wedding and how soon we’ll be spawning instead of how drunk I’m gonna get that night.
And for the record, I will take $3.99 microwaved food over a fancy pants restaurant any day.
So I hear you saying that when I invite people over, I need to serve them more than just chips and dip.
And when I get invited to other people’s houses, I should take a gift.
And I need to poop regularly.
And wear a coat.
God a mimosa in the morning (or you know, 5) ensures I will be in bed at noon and sleep til the NEXT DAY. Oh the joys of being 41.
Brilliant. Totally the trajectory of my thoughts of late … well said! cheers to liking it a little bit more every day
Absolutely wonderful post, LiLu! I also totally agree with -jd about keeping a foot in both worlds…that’s what I do, and it seems to work very well.
about 8-10 years from now, you’ll have version 2.0 of this revelation where you realize that you are no longer entering “the rest of your life” – you’re right smack dab in the middle of it. and those nights that start at 9:00 will soon start at 7:00 so you can be home by 10:00! getting older does not suck. the wisdom that comes from experiences (good and bad) is grand. 10 years from now you will have figured out that the best way to deal with the dust on the bathroom wall moldings is to run your dirty towels along them as you gather them up to throw in the washing machine! and… when you change out the roll of toilet paper roll? wipe across the top of the holder – it accumulates dust too. my own little piece of 37 year old wisdom
i love it.
a few months ago i got in the elevator with an intern who was wearing an ipod at a very high volume. i said very sternly, “joe! you are going to hurt your ears!” before i covered my mouth. it just slipped out.
~beatrix
Some days I’m there. Other days I’m young and stupid and don’t know my head from my ass. But those days are far in between.
i strange place to be. But I’m still at the point where im having fun and im not ready to settle into watching tv in my sweats with a man. I think the things we thought you were suppose to do in our generation, are actually thought about.
There are still those people that say “i want to get married and have kids” but when you ask them why, they say….i dont know…because I want to.
I want to get married because i love someone so much i cant live without them. Not because im suppose to. And kids…well, that’s still a big doubt for me.
I still think dinner parties are pretty lame, though. Mostly because no one I know can cook and it seems like a shame to have everyone get together to eat Ramen.
i loved this post but not only because it’s well written but because you’re in the exact same place that i’m in right now.
and? i love it.
God I love being young. There is no way in hell I’m going to take a turn to serious town for at least… 2 more years? That sounds good.
Fantastic post! I know exactly what you mean, although some days I feel more like a grown-up than others.
Wow.
Absolutely amazing post.
Scary as hell – because i am right there as well.
But great post.
I need to go cry.
brookem: I can’t wait to “throwback” with you in May, lover!
Beach Bum: I’d love to sleep til noon… I just CAN’T anymore. I’m up, whether I like it or not, worrying about everything that needs to be done…
Patty Duke: A lobster dinner in Gtown! Not too shabby at all, my love.
Nikki: Don’t go back. There’s no need. One foot in both places, like the wisefolk have said
BeckEye: I haven’t found any grey hairs yet… a teeny varicose vein on my knee freaked me the FUCK out a couple weeks ago though!
JoLee: I love the word “spawning”. At least the way you used it. Let’s go split a greasy ass quesadilla.
Jules: None of that is really true… except pooping regularly. That is the key to life
Scottsdale Girl: Now I want a mimosa. I will suffer for them!
magda: Thanks love. Here’s to liking YOU a bit more every day!
Stacy (TRCC): Thanks dear. I definitely think you guys have the right idea.
Ella: I know you’re right, too. And thanks for the wisdom! I’ll start thinking about when the towels are getting dirty…
Beatrix: Omg, I can’t even count the number of times my father said that to me… and now I don’t hear so well… you did Joe a favor!
EM: Then we’re doing alright, cookie. We’re doing alright.
Fizzgig: Kids are for me too… it seems like the difference between everything you want to do in life, and, well, NOT. But I’m sure I’ll feel differently eventually…
pistols: Oriental flavor, please. Extra salt.
alexa: Thanks, darling. That means a ton.
Maxie: Well, you’re 2 years younger than me, right?… just sayin…
Katie: Thanks love! I know exactly what you mean.
Narm: It is SO scary. But what you gonna do? Pass the tequila.
Perfectly stated, this is exactly where I am in life right now! Your cleaning dust off the baseboards story was my Saturday afternoon spent in a bar with 6 friends on someone’s birthday having a 20 minute conversation about vacuums spawned by the purchase of my Dyson (at least I bought the pink Dyson!).
Lovely post. Life is a journey. One step at a time. Just when I think I ought to admit that I am a grown-up, I realize that I still have a whole lot of growing left to do. I think I’ll consider myself ‘fully grown’ on the day I die of old age ;D
will you stop reading my miiiind already?!
i teared up a bit – and i’ve only been “out on my own” for a year.
Oh sweet Jesus…
This is pretty much exactly how I’ve been feeling lately.
People I know – respectable people! People who I cannot write off as incapable of using birth control! – are having babies. BABIES.
Although I am so glad not to be the college douche at the bar with the frat boys, any more. I have gone from not being that girl to out right finding that girl obnoxious ( sadly).
I am an old, old, woman. I am Bea Arthur.
What they don’t tell you is that you’ll be 18 for the rest of your life.
I need to start having fancy dinner parties. Like with top hats, smoking jackets, and monocles.
I wrote a whole post about that. But I missed out one bit: I tend to think (and, worse, say out loud) things along the lines of “those young people today…”. And not just jokingly.
…
BUT HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT THEY ARE WEARING?!!?
Since Bilbo and I are constantly going on about our age and the fact that most of the bloggers we know about are much younger than us, I’ll avoid some of the more obvious things I could’ve written here.
I’ll just say, along with many others, that I found this to be a thoughtful, well-written post.
Whippersnapper.
Thank you. You just summed up the road to adulthood better than I ever good. Kudos.
The Cottage Cheese: That’s it EXACTLY! And I’d love to get a vaccuum, but we don’t have enough room in the apartment… yes, I have THOUGHT about this. So sad.
Connie: Thanks, love. I hope we always have some growing up left to do!
cavy: Awww. We’re gonna be okay, darlin. You need to move out here!
Muppet Soul: Dibs on one of those monocles! I know exactly what you mean about finding That Girl so obnoxious… I used to BE her…
Oliveira: Crazy hipsters and their VD!
Gilahi: Thanks so much, ya old coot. KIDDING.
Dutchess: Thanks, love. I’m glad it came out how I wanted it to.
you just described my life….creepy. I guess we all go through this. like the not blowing your whole paycheck on a cute pair of shoes because you have the foresight to know that you have to pay this bill on this date and that you will want to do ___ so you should start saving now…growing up is both frightening and exciting all at the same time. Though it’s weird when you get to the point where you can actually SEE that that’s what’s happening.
lovely post
deleting friends from facebook brings me great pleasure
but I’m kind of a bitch
Very insightful.I think I’m still the twenty something lost in confusion.I hope I battle my way out as did you…;p
MsP
Lilu, Good heavens, I’ve forgotten what your post said, since I just read your comments. Please don’t feel obligated to respond to me, the latecomer. Just thanks for visiting my far less active blog sometimes… seriously! Oh, I remember now. Now that my hub and I are in our mid 40s (or so – he’s 50!) we’ve gone back to more casual entertaining and values. To use a cliche, I’m more comfortable in my skin than I could ever have imagined. In some ways it kind of pisses me off that I couldn’t have felt this way sooner. Some of the simple living tude may be because of the economy, but not all. What I guess I’m trying to say is, it’s all good here on the other side. Live large, babe and don’t let anyone tell you how it should be done. Sorry. I just had more to say on this than the Snuggie, even though I want one badly.
Hannah-Lane: I think we all do, too. I can hardly remember the last time I bought a pair of shoes… sigh. Thanks, dear
Hillary: You and me both, darlin!
MsPuddin: Things start to make more sense eventually… I promise
Margo: Damn, I think you just gave me a whole new post idea
I’m striving to do everything you’ve mentioned, so I can be happy when I get to where you are… no regrets!
This is a great post- I’m 25 too and I don’t know if I’m in full quarter life crisis yet. But then again how do we really know?
Thanks so much for commenting on my blog! I love this post! It made me laugh because I relate a little bit too much
Fantastic – you’re so going on my googlereader once I have a bit more of a look around
What an outstanding post. This blog is a pleasure to read, and I’m looking forward to reading more.
Young and married and sensible law student who still believes in fairies and does the actual splits in public …. but you’re right. It FEELS different, being silly. We now think of things like life savings, fiber and sunscreen. We have tangible fears; real ones with realistic ends. It’s ok though, I think, to feel ready like this. To have a solid footing when we walk and not need the attention of others as much as we did. Just do as you do; live it and love it and all will be well.
{ 1 trackback }