***FYI, the lovely Brookem asked me to take over her space today while she suns herself in Florida. Whore. I mean, just kidding! Luff you, chica. So, everybody, you can check out my guest post here! Gentlemen callers, you might be better off reading over at Brookem’s today… This here below is a PERIOD post, and not the Renaissance kind. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya!***
Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s! Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular yet gravely feared TMI THURSDAYS… (I think even I may have crossed the line with this one…)
When I was in 8th grade, I was part of a team of seven students who competed in this program called Odyssey of the Mind. Let me ‘splain.
No. There is too much. Let me sum up.*
Basically, it was an ongoing project that we worked on throughout the school year. The team presents their solution to the given challenge at a Regionals competition, the winners go on to a State-wide competition, and finally, the lucky winners from each state got to go on to WORLDS! (Which was actually only national. Kind of misleading, but hey, if the MLB can pull it off, so can we.)
Anyhoosits, during my year in the 8th grade my team was da bomb (remember, this was 1998) and we totally won ( no DUH!) and it was as rad as my stretchy neon stirrup pants tucked into my socks and hot pink Keds. We’d won in years past, and been to mega awesome places like Iowa, Maryland, and Tennessee. You know, because we were All That (best show ever!)… and a bag of chips.
But this year was different, folks. This year was special. Because this year, the World Finals was being held in DISNEY WORLD!!! Wicked cool! (Listen, I grew up in Massachusetts. Adjectives were not used unless preceded by the word ‘wicked’. True story.)
So, despite the fact that we were bummed about missing a whole Friday of TGIF (Tapanga, why can’t you just let Corey LOVE you?!), we kiddos hopped on a plane and jetted down to DW for a week to hang with Goofy, scream our way through Space Mountain, and oh yeah, maybe, yanno, compete at some point.
Now, the numbers are important here. Five of the seven teammates were girls, and almost everyone’s mother had come along as chaperone, as opposed to their father. Which means there were a whole lotta women living in close quarters. And men, I don’t know if you know this, but women living together tend to… umm… get on the same cycle. You know… *whispers* menstrually!
Wicked gay, I know. (For the record, I would never say this anymore. But hell, we were tweens. What you gonna do?)
For serious, all FIVE of us girls (and many of the mamas- funsies!) happened to have Aunt Flo visit that same damn week. (Thanks a lot, baby jesus.) This was a major problem, as we were in DISNEY WORLD and we wanted to GO SWIMMING and RUN AROUND and BE CAREFREE like the goddamn women in the “So Fresh!” commercials. BUT, we were 14… and most of us had not yet upgraded from the sanitary napkin (read: small diapers) to the tampon. Except for one.
Men, you know those visions you have of a group of girls at a slumber party, pillow-fighting in their underwear?
THIS IS NOT THAT STORY. This is, in fact, the ANTITHESIS of that story. Run away… run away now!
Terrified and more than a little grossed out, we girls huddled together in the bathroom of one of the hotel rooms, an enormous box of Playtex resting on the bathroom counter. All five of us took one, and Carolyn, the only girl with any knowledge of this foreign contraption, proceeded to demonstrate. We watched her closely, gripped our weapons, and as a group, went in for the kill.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” Teenage-girl shrieks and squeals immediately filled the air.
We flinched, we clenched, we squinched and we… eventually gave the fuck up. We threw in the tamponian towels, and refilled our panties with the veritable diapers we were accustomed to.
There was no swimming that week as we waddled around Walt’s World. But I believe, after that bonding experience, that we were all juuuuuuust fine with it.
Happy TMI Thursday!!!
*Bonus points to anyone who got that reference without clicking this link… (That’s for all you twitterers!)
Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…
The Foggy Dew’s TMI Thursday: War and Poetry
f.B’s TMI Thursday: You May Have Already Seen My Prop
not your plain jane’s TMI Thursday: Poop Patrol
vazenchick’s TMI Thursday: When is Thin Too Thin?
I-66’s TMI Thursday: Head Me Off at the Pass
Maxie’s TMI Thursday: The One Where I Show My Creative Genius
Dagny Taggart’s TMI Thursday: Something Out of Sweet Valley High
Life of Mb’s Bajingos and Peginas – dear god how I love Elliot Reed!
Jo’s TMI Thursday: Thumb Sucking
Dana’s TMI Thursday: The Pooper Scooper
Bffie Deutlich gives in to my power!: TMI Thursday: Dinosaurs Don’t Work
Claire’s TMI Thursday: A Little Hair of the Dog
-jd’s TMI Thursday: I Only Play at My Home Field
justjp’s TMI Thursday: Oh, It’s Like That
A Southern Belle’s TMI Thursday: Let’s Talk Feminine Products
Tabitha’s TMI Thursday: Snap, Crackle… Pap?
Kendall’s TMI Thursday: Why Pretty Much Nothing Can Scar Me
Vittoria’s TMI Thurday: The Thing We NEVER Do
Pirate Meghan’s TMI Thursday: It Was NOT Whisper Quiet
Pumpernickel’s TMI Thursday: Removed by Security
BirthControlJill’s This One Time at Church Camp…
{ 76 comments }
i think you might have been the only girls to do that. ever. i still luff ya though
kudos for braving the sight of your friend’s hoo-ha, and also for the (i won’t say it but only like the best movie ever) ref!
God dammit. No tickling? No comparing mosquito bump sizes? What a gyp!
I found reruns of “Boy Meets World” on ABD Family while I was on college. It was a Friday night ritual…drink Jack and Coke and watch Corey and Tapanaga’s love grow.
There’s not enough salt in the world to put in my eyes as punishment for reading this post.
I need to start listening to you when you give the warnings.
Here’s mine! http://www.ihatesomuch.com/?p=1031
Being from RI myself, I can attest to the fact that ‘wicked’ is the most commonly used adverb/adjective up here.
At least it is my vocabulary.
I was in Odyssey of the Mind back in the day, however I didn’t get to go to The D-World…we only got to go to Sterling, IL…bullshit.
Tampons are a girls best friend! Well a pill that both keeps you from getting pregnant AND your lady friend only visiting 2 days a month is your bestest friend!
What did ever happen to Tapanga and Corey anyway? They were wicked awesome together! And I too am from RI and THANKFULLY I got the wickeds out of me for the most part!
Since there’s no way I can comment on your story that won’t come off as pervy, I’ll just enjoy it for the wonderful coming of age tale that it is.
And this: “Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a holocaust cloak.”
The only thing I find disturbing about that post is the fact that I’m a decade older than you and still get the Corey and Tapanga reference.
Many moons ago, I demonstrated for an ex how a tampon worked by dipping it in a glass of water. When it broke open and expanded like an airbag, my ex freaked and ran out of the room. It was fun.
effing hilarious. a few things:
1. I’m so glad someone knows what O.M. is. I tried to explain this program to friends who looked at me like I had two heads.
2. Your reference to B.M.W. actually reminds me of the episode when Corey follows Topanga to Disney World.
3. 8th grade is definitely the tampon trial and error year. 8th grade graduation night. Pool party. Me and a box of “sticks” as my mom called them. Got it on the fourth try i believe.
re: 1st tampon experiences – a girl in my 8th grade clique asked “Will I lose my virginity if I use one?” you know if one has not already lost it when one was running track…
re: All That, so weird to see Kenan on SNL, whatever happened to Kel?
I actually thought this story was kind of sweet. In a gross-out way.
I actually used one for the first time when I was eleven (I blossomed early, what can I say?) because my mom had paid for my swimming lessons that summer and Goddammit she was not going to let her hard-earned money go to waste!! I didn’t put it in all the way and it hurt like a mother; I figured it was just something you got used to.
This same attitude towards pain and discomfort can be applied to almost every aspect of my life.
Had a huge crush on Tapanga. Like “boy, I’d love to meet her world” kind of huge.
That’s too funny! I can’t imagine going back to pre-tampon days! Ugh.
I would tell you about my “first time”, but it’s a bit TMI also!
x
“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
Waddling in pads, the uber thick ones (remember those?) was the antithesis of sexy.
There is nothing like trying to sit comfortably with something that feels like a telephone book between your legs to make you jump at the opportunity to use ‘the stick of power’. Classic story.
cavy: Well, at the age of 14, ain’t much to see anyway
66: YOU’LL never know…
Lemm: I totally used to watch the college years, even, as bad as they were. I couldn’t get enough.
moooooog35: I warned you!
Maxie: You are hilarious.
Jaime: I know. Living in NC I had no choice but to lose it, though. They don’t take to kindly to that kind o talk down there.
-jd: Kindred OMers! Love it! Yeah, Ames, IA? Not the greatest.
Shelly: I got the wickeds out of me too- HAD to, once you move out of there!
Foggy: Well, who WOULDN’T?
Fearless: That is HILARIOUS. Ignorance is bliss, gentlemen…
Mb: Fourth try?? You were more determined than I, lovely.
lustyreader: I think about that everytime I see Kenan. Poor Kel… he got BURNED.
Racquel Valencia: “kind of sweet”? I’ll TAKE it.
f.B: I can understand that. I wouldn’t have turned Shawn down…
notyourplainjane: That’s the point, love! Share it next week!
Marie: Waddling, indeed. Remember the “nighttime” ones? OMG.
ifihadtopickfive: One you go tampax, you never go back.
Please know that I had a PHYSICAL reaction to this in which I slapped my hand across my mouth and gawked at the screen in grotesque astonishment.
How did women survive before tampons? I grew up in Florida and pretty much lived in a swimsuit from the moment school got out until it started again… sometimes I put on flip flops. I can’t even remember learning how to use tampax???! It just ‘was’.
all I know is I say Amen to applicators, if it werent for applicators I still wouldnt be able to put in a tampon.
I still don’t get why guys are supposed to be so disgusted by periods, but to appropriately display my gender stereotype: “Gross! I’m fainting with the vapors! Someone fetch me some right powerful smellin’ salts!”
I think the hardest thing about not living in Massachusetts anymore is trying not to use the words “wicked,” “retahded,” and “queeah” in every other sentence. Oh, that, and not having friends named Fitzy or Smitty anymore.
Deutlich: I’ll take that as a compliment.
Connie: I have NO idea. They truly are a magical invention.
Chele: I actually use the kind without an applicator. Cause I’m CRAZEE like that!
pistols: You know Fitzy?!? Tell him I said hey!
i’d know that line anywhere! you and i have just become bosom buddies for life with your use of that. do you know regal cinemas is showing it next month on the big screen?! wicked cool.
and great post by the way!
This cracked me up. Looking back, it’s amazing that tampons seemed like such an impossible thing. I remember finally getting up the courage to try it out, and then thinking I was in menstrual heaven when I finally got it.
I’m talking “feminine products” at my blog today, what I think is the greatest protection invention EVAR.
Ok… in defense… they gave us like the CRAPIEST tampons to try when we were growing up! (O.B. need I say more?)
And BTW, I have officially joined your TMI crew… check out my blog!
I stopped after you said lingerie pillow fighting didn’t happen at slumber parties.
You can’t stop me from thinking that! You can’t!
When I was in 6th grade I went to a slumber party, and one of the girls showed us her one pubic hair. The next day everyone talked about how weird she was. Apparently we weren’t a sharing group. I felt sorry for her and did not participate in the character assasination. Catholic grade school was very unforgiving.
Hows this for TMI – after I got my IUD, I had to go back to diapers because no tampon could ever keep up. Gross – but useful information if you are considering an IUD. So it’s not just TMI – it’s also FYI.
“We threw in the tamponian towels”
But you entered the arena and gave it your best shot my wee “Gladiatorette”
I did academic challenge in middle school and they had nationals at a cool place every year… in 8th grade I qualified and they had it in…guess where.
wheeling, wv.
YEA. that was awesome.
Lol, well when you live an work with enough women, you are bound to get pulled into the cycle.
Awesome! I have a large boil near my groin, on my thigh. How’s that for TMI? Not even the Snuggie’s magic powers can cure it.
PRINCESS BRIDE! ROCk.
I really should’ve stopped reading after the TPB reference. Christ.
Oh, the good old days of trying to adjust to the vaj plug. I remember them well.
I’ve always had a very irregular cycle, so I’m surprised that my irregularity has never rubbed off on anyone.
Ew, that was kind of a poor choice of words.
When my ’special friend’ came to visit for the very first time, I decided not to tell anyone, and to educate myself on proper tampon insertion, applying a system of trial and error.
I got it in on the first try, but it hurt to walk around, sit down, stand still. I later learned that you aren’t supposed to leave the cardboard applicator still inside your person. Fail.
I sat in the bathroom with my college (yes, college) roommate and tried coaching her through putting one it. AND she’d already had sex. WTF? I was all like, “Do you want me to put it in FOR you then?” She didn’t let me, but my God, after listening to her while about it for 45 minutes, I would have done it just to get her the hell out of the bathroom.
Oddly, I never had a problem with the tampons because I DESPISED the pads so much. My sister, however, was unable to use one until she was like 20somethin.
I didn’t start using tampons regularly until my senior year of high school. I still hate them, hate them, hate them with a passion and will always prefer pads. Just can’t help it!
Claire: Thanks, love! I would LOVE to see TPB on the big screen!
belle: Duly noted, and HILARIOUS. Thanks for sharing!
Miles To Go: OMG, that was one of the best ever! Love it!
surviving myself: I didn’t say it didn’t… I said this was the OPPOSITE of that. It happens, don’t worry, darling, it happens.
KCH: FYI, TMI, it’s all good here. That poor girl! One hair and she’s ostracized!
fiona: We did give it a good go, eh?
Maxie: Oh, you mean, where you went out to dinner last night? BOO YAH
justjp: You’d be amazed how quickly this happens.
Kristina P.: Codswallop! The Snuggie can do anything!
Malnurtured Snay: Ha. Sorry, dear. I warned!
BeckEye: Henceforth I decree all tampons shall be known as the “vaj plug.” That is HILARIOUS.
frecks: Okay, you just made me snort. And I’m not even a snorter. OWCH.
Kate: How on earth could she be scared of it if she’d already had sex? … You should’ve gotten her drunk.
Jo: I know girls who claim they STILL use the diapers. Redic.
Kate: As long as you can wear it without waddling… or napkin lines…
Oh wow…I am madly in love with this story right now. Not just because it’s a classic tween-afraid-of-tampons post, but because of all the ’90s lingo (and the Boy Meets World reference). Anyway, I started doing my own TMI Thursdays after seeing a couple of them posted on the 20SB Feed, but didn’t know until today that you are apparently the originator. So, thanks for spreading the embarrassment! It’s been fun. And, coincidentally, my TMI post for today is a sort of Girls’ Eyes Only edition, too.
Hey! Thanks for the sympathy… It’ll be ok though. Love your blog!
I was raised by two women and grew up with a score of surrogate sisters. Even now most of my friends are women. This story just makes me feel bad for all of you, not cringe.
And the slew of TMI posts this week, got me to do my own. You’ve been warned.
And as a fellow OM-er and Princess Bride fan, this post made me smile
Thats a major bonding time lmao
Your Brain, Fezzik’s Strength, My steel.
By the way this whole post should have come with one big NERD ALERT! Odyssey of the mind? Really? Did you guys bring down your pocket protectors and suspenders?
I was never invited.
I still watch Corey and Tapanga and I’m going to be 29 this year. Don’t tell anyone. Oh, and I still like Full House, too.
i don’t know if anyone else got it, but the princess bride ref was not lost on me.
annnnnd as promised, anal sex is up. YAY!
When I was in 8th grade, most girls grew d**ks when they got their perids. Well not literally, but the THICK pads that we had to use back then made us look like we one. Those things were about 6inches long and a 1/2 inch think. Umm, no cute jeans or short shorts. You may have worn tiny diapers but I wore a brick every month. Ahh! The teenage joys of menstruation.
Who are Cory and Topanga? Are they from a tv show? I feel so left out.
Tabitha: That was hilarious! Thanks for joining in the fun!
Jaxie Fantastic: Thanks, darling. Glad to have you.
theoddduckling: You know I ain’t skeered. That was hilarious. And glad to have made you smile
insomniaclolita: You said it!
rs27: Why did you just break my glasses?? I said you could sit with us at lunch!
JoLee: Saved by the Bell is on for two hours every morning from 7-9… don’t ask how I know that.
Vittoria: You are hereby decreed the new Up-the-Butt Girl! Relinquish your crown, Lemmonex.
Patty Duke: That is so funny- I can only imagine! How can they have been any bigger? How did you WALK?
Oxen Cox: OMG child. Get yourself some Boy Meets World dvds… and get them now.
Hi, new here. I got as far as the Princess Bride quote and immediately added you to my feedreader.
You may be my new BFF.
Oh man, two things.
1) I’m SO glad I didn’t start my period until I was almost 15.
2) It took me almost 20 minutes to get a super slim teeny tiny tampon in the first time. Now I do it standing up half the time.
I have issues.
Oh gosh. I don’t even like to think
of a time when I didn’t wear
tampons. Ugh.
Um. And yeahh…why was Topanga
such a punk…Cory was good people!
Hahaha…so obviously this girl with the previous-tampon experience didn’t have enough “tried and true” tips to help others. That’s unfortunate!
(P.S. I love how you threw a random TGIF reference into the post, a la Topanga. I was a bit older than you were in 1998, so I wasn’t watching that show, but I remember my own TGIF-watching days…)
She demonstrated??! LOL! That is a scary mental image! Truth be told, though I wore a pad until I was 20. Those tampons are intimidating to a teenage girl! LOL
also, i loved your post. i forgot to included that in all of the anal excitement.
Princess OTU: I heart you too, love. Glad we found each other
Just A Girl: I was almost 15 too! Hence why I needed lessons…
Amanda: Topanga WAS a little punk. Oh well, who’s laughing now?? Oh wait.. FRED Savage is doing well… not Ben… oops.
Zandria: Well, none of us were that equipped… at least she stepped up to the plate!
Hannah: It was a scary REAL LIFE image, too.
Vittoria: You know what? I love YOU.
Oh dear God, Odyssey of the Mind and stirrup pants. I’m giggling over that alone.
Yes, of course! The whole tampon thing was veryvery scary in the beginning. Why wouldn’t you want a whole bunch of friends and moral support?
you know there was some Canadian school invited to make it “worlds”.
As for the TIM part, girls at summer camp do the same thing…. although as a counselor, I had to not encourage it.
The picture in my head……..SERIOUSLY!
But I also love The Princess Bride (yet one more reason to love you!)
Topanga lives downt he road from me (sorta) and she is always drunk, dancing on bars, and being rude tot he guys who work at the Apple store in Fashion Island. Nobody bothered to tell her she is a z-list celebrity. I think she is very pretty but I must admit that she did get fat. Oh, how I would kill to be as “fat” as her!
Wow. Carolyn is a brave, brave girl. I don’t know many 8th grade girls who would be willing demo tampon use. They can’t even say the word “tampon” without blushing and stammering.
1. love the topanga reference.
2. holy crap the idea of group tampon testing has me in stitches. you are ridic.
I was in Odyssey of the Mind too! Will you forgive me for being a pussy and chickening out on my tmi? I will post it one day. I have to make it funnier so as to distract from how horribly disgusting it is.
dude, i totally love you back. isn’t it nice when life works out that way??
That was a wicked lot of TMI…
And tamponian towel? Perfection…
Lilu, you are hilarious. This post killed me, and reminded me of innocent middle school days (I was in the “Science Olympiad,” which was very similar lol).
And lusty reader, Kel is out there doing stuff: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1pjymZOm6Q (not quite SNL, but amusing nonetheless).
Hilarious TMI! I figured out the whole tampon thing on my own (I was 14, too) because my older sister FREAKED OUT when she got her first period…she seriously thought she was DYING…so my mom quietly took her in the bathroom and showed her the ‘products’. I didn’t want my mom showing me anything when I started, so when my time came, I found what I needed and figured it out…
Loved the ‘tamponian towel’ reference…and I heart TGIF!
inkpuddle: Thanks. I was trying to soften the blow…
Lisa: See? You always get it. <3
Dr. H: Ha! You're probably right. And how else are you supposed to LEARN?
Jules: Smooches, babe. Sorry for the visual…
CageQueen: I LOVE THIS. Ben Savage finally wins!
alexa: I know I am. That's why you love me.
BWP: I forgive you… only because you were an OM dork too. As long as it comes out one day…
Vittoria: WHY YES. YES IT IS.
Jenni Jiggety: I should probably trademark that.
Ruby: Oh, poor Kel. He clearly wasn't the dynamic part of the duo…
Stacy (TRCC): If we're being honest, I will still stop in my tracks for a classic episode of Boy Meets World. Mr. Finney will forever have a corner of my heart.
I just want to add that topanga was way to hot for corey.
seriously. corey was a curly haired nerd, lets be realistic here.
Fortunately I have an older sister. She helped me with a lot of stuff but I had to tell her how to use tampons. She wore one all day with the cardboard tube still on it. She always hated reading directions.
Now about OM. When I am not being a naughty blogger I have an actual life. One of the things I do in this actual life is coach and judge OM. I was coach for all three of my children’s teams from 1988 to 2000.I have been a world finals judge for the last 9 years. It’s a small world after all.
holy lord! tapanga! TGIF! AS YOU WIIIISH!
Matt: Tapanga WAS too hot for Corey… at first. Over the years, though, I think he became too GOOD fr her.
Spellbound: You’re the second person who mentioned someone who spent the day with the cardboard app inside them. OUWWWWCH!!! And my parents still judge OM too… someday I probably will
Go OMers!
mylittlebecky: Exactly, my love. Exactly.
Sigh…I too was in OM back in California. We only made it to states (but placed second when Worlds was in like Japan or something.) I’m pretty sure my mom still has a few of the neon hats they used to give out.
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