I. Am freaking. WASTED right now.
I just went to the bathroom and there’s blood in my poo. (TMI? Sorry, it’s still Thursday in my head.) Apparently that’s the international sign of You Had A Freaking AWESOME Night Out With Some Crazy-Ass Bloggers.
Dear Maxie, Deutlich, Liebchen, and my darling darling Lemmonex… I love you. No, I really, really love you. We bonded last night in about 15 ways, and not just because of the amount of titty I saw. Wait what? You don’t really know a girl until you’ve taken a shot together on the floor of the girls’ bathroom at Recessions, true story.
You see, I went to an innocent “Blogger Spa Night” last night… at the wonderful Nusta Spa, where they fed us bottomless amounts of booze, the best pasta salad I’ve ever had, and gave me a massage that ended with the adorable Asian girl awkwardly petting me and saying “Okay, is over… wake up.” Awesome. Now I know how every Senator feels. And then that rolled over into Bar 1, and then Bar 2, and then I was asleep in a cab with Maxie in my arms.
I was going to write a post in defense of Valentine’s Day today, but my boyfriend won’t even talk to me because he’s convinced we were doing terrible things last night, when really it was just 9 lemon shots and a whole lotta boobage. (Lisa, your “flashing game” definitely was put to use last night.) Guess I’m not getting anything for V-day!
At least I managed to get Maxie so drunk that she came home and spooned me. That is, until I woke up and caught her trying to sneak out at 4am with some line about “driving to West Virginia” to “go to work”. If you don’t want me to stroke your hair while you’re sleeping, lady, all you had to do was SAY so. P.S.: I got your text this morning: “Uggggh found metro. Gallery place? Dying of death. I smell like a bar/indian food. Love you!”
Don’t worry about me though. I think I’m gonna pull through. I just made myself a melty grilled cheese sandwich (yes, for breakfast, WHAT) and cut it into four diagonal pieces because that’s how my MAMA does it and it TASTES better.
It’s all gonna be okay. Planet Unicorn will heal me.
Happy weekend, hookers. XOXO
{ 52 comments }
Blood in your poo? Seriously? I can’t say I’ve ever had the pleasure.
Will you stroke my hair while I’m sleeping?
I’m glad I finally got to meet you last night!
I want a kicky theme song / role call just like Planet Unicorn.
I’ve always said we need some more gay unicorns.
My first comment didn’t go through. Boo.
Also, I completely forgot about the bathroom floor shot, but did end up with many boob pics on my camera. Until we filled the memory card.
And I’m still drunk. My coworkers think I’m dying.
Oh, wow. That shots on the bathroom floor. Jesus. Classy ladies.
My boobs just want to breathe.
Yeeeah…you totally won’t regret posting this later. I can’t believe you’d cheat on me with FOUR women and a gay unicorn.
I feel so used.
Omg I forgot the boob pictures… Damn it!!!
Hahaha last night was ridiculous
I’m pretty sure the only nipple I didn’t see last night was Elizabeth’s. BTW, I’m not sure if I should be surprised that mine is the darkest of the batch. I guess I shouldn’t.. I mean.. considering my skin color and all. Mayhaps I should’ve flashed some too?
But yeah. Boobs. Are awesome.
DAMNIT! Why did you have to find me first? Grrrrrr… okay I’m adding you to my blogroll now.
that’s definitely a lot of action for a Thursday night… I feel old..
I’d also like to add that my shirt was COVERED in whatever i ate last night. sooooooooo gross.
Kate: There, there… this isn’t creepy at all…
Zandria: Me too, lady! We’ll have to do it again soon.
Ben: Planet Unicorn makes me happy in my pants.
Marie: True story.
Liebchen: Oh, lord have mercy. I forgot there was a camera. I’m sure there are some PRICELESS ones from last night.
Lemmonex: Let them breathe, hon. They are fab.
Fearless: FOUR gay unicorns. Gay unicorns for everyone! I feel dirty.
Maxie: We are the champions of everything.
Deutlich: Bodacious ta-tas all around.
Wearing Mascara: Because I am AWESOME. At interweb stalking. But STILL.
Life on Edge: So do I. I am not 21 anymore.
Maxie: That would be the ketchup from the sliders I got so I didn’t DIE, seeing as I had not EATEN anything yesteryday.
Poo in the blood – sorry to hear that…..sounds like the grilled cheese properly cut is doing the trick getting you over the hangover.
Okay, the video, Planet Unicorn is very funny, bizarre and weird
Oh wow. Maybe it’s good that I don’t live near other bloggers! lol
Grilled cheese is one of my favorite hang-over foods!
Ummm…. Boobies. Since I live so far away, how about I send you a picture of mine and you photoshop them in?
Can I be your sober mascot from SD?
OMG I just started reading your blog through maxie’s. You’re hilarious!
You guys sound like a fun group of people!
LMB: It is very funny, bizarre and weird… everything I aspire to be!
Kyla Bea: It’s definitely better for your liver. I’m still rooting for you to move here though!
Jacqueline: Oh, yes. It does wonders for the hungover soul.
Kate: Re sending a picture of your boobies: I’m sure B would have ZERO problem with that.
And you are definitely my SD mascot!
Kristen: Glad to have you. Stick around, it’s a ride.
Jaime: Well hello, newbie! We are very fun in speshul, at least in the short bus way.
Fucking hilarious. Boobs and shots — this is already a Pro-Valentine’s post for single girls…
Holy cow – blood in poo? I’m glad you had so much fun last night, and I’m glad the flashing was in full swing! It makes me feel like all is right with the world, even though I wasn’t there!
I’m so jealous!!! Where are the Midwestern bloggers, damnit!
Sounds like you had a blast. I know Maxie did.
Were her boobs the ones you saw?
Have a great weekend!
Who doesn’t want to have their hair stroked while they sleep? That’s just crazy talk.
If I ever come to DC, or you to Iowa… we have to go out!
Hope you and B work it out and have a fantastic weekend!
I missed boobies?! Damn. Well, guess we will just have to tear it up on Friday. I shall be reprezzent’n…
flipflops: I wish you’d been there! Next time.
Lisa: It was all in your honor, my love.
Dolce: I’m not naming nipples. That would be tacky. Since flashing your boobs definitely isn’t.
lacochran: Right???
Miles to Go: Oh HELLS yes, woman! I might go to the 20SB meetup…
justjp: YESSS!!! Can I be your crush? Dibs.
Ya know what? I got nothing for this one. Nuthing at all. Fun read though.
Let it be known, that LiLu claimed JP! Done! I am rolling like 5 deep into that piece.
Um yea.. I had blood in my poo before. Not pretty.
Glad you got to cuddle with Maxie. I’m jealous for real!
i want to live by you fun bloggers!
Foggy: Thanks, babe.
justjp: Well, I’ll probably have to be on B’s arm. But I’ll wink at you.
Wearing Mascara: There was room for 3! Next time…
ria: Your liver doesn’t.
BTW…You motorboatin son of a bitch! You old sailor you!
Please send pictures.
Unicorn Planet- heeyyyy.
Well, that tears it – I need to engage in a campaign where I dress up like a lady, a la “Just One Of The Guys,” and attend such a night.
Step One: Don’t mention this plan to anyone who might prevent it from happen-
Damnit!
WHY DID I NOT SKIP SECOND RETAIL JOB LAST NIGHT? WHY GOD? WHYYYYYYYYYYEEEEE?
“Now I know how every Senator feels.”
Except that Senators have to tip much more to buy their silence.
Darn, I left too early. Don’t be too surprised if I randomly flash you my ancient mamacitas and the next world-colliding 20somethin/mommy blog Superfriends event. xoxo
Wow! Yall had fun!!! Blood in poo def means you had a good time! LOL!
Have a great weekend!
Happy Vday <3
I just about DIED when I read that there was blood in your urine. I realize you probably dont find it as humorous as I do but I’m like, 12 inside.
I want to be ridiculous with you and Maxie! Damn the south and the fact that I live here
I meant blood in your poo, not urine
I’m drunk so what
You bitches are fucking nuts.
And I love you long time.
xoxo
Aw man, how have I never seen Planet Unicorn? And I wish I didn’t live in Atlanta. I am jealous of your bloggish mingling.
Next time you are in Minnesota we can spoon to your heart’s content. I miss going out to the bars and I miss grilled cheese. You are a temptress lady.
Sounds like you went on a tear last night….
I myself am sitting here at work at 630am on a Saturday… shoot me now.
I am gonna take a page out of your book and try to pickle myself at the bars tonight.
enjoy your headache!
rs27: These pictures will NEVER make it to Facebook. A gay boy wish for Planet Unicorn…
pistols: I think we have to keep nights like that to once a year, anyway. I ain’t 21 anymore.
Katherine: You are truly the one thing that could have made that night better, my love.
TishTash: TRUE STORY.
Jessica: It was so great meeting you- we DEFINITELY need to instigate another clash of your worlds, soon!
Briana: That’s a good theory. I’m going with that. xoxo
BWP: I think it was actually because my poo cut me. That’s how bad it was. You know you’re hungover when your own poo CUTS YOU.
FattyLumpa: Hoorayyy I saw your bloggy’s back up! I love you mama.
inkpuddle: Planet Unicorn makes EVERYTHING okay. And you’ll have to make it up here for an adventure sometime!
Oxen Cox: Let’s meet in Wisconsin and make it with their cheese! I hear good things…
Woolly: I am going to be recuperating for the rest of the weekend. Have at it, hoss! Have some fun for me.
so yeah i got a off line recap of the evening.
interesting….
i wanna do a shot on the bathroom floor with you.
Ummm…. the next place I’m looking for a job is DC. You guys have so much blogging fun there!!
You are totally hilarious! Lovin’ your blog!
I worked with people this past summer who were OBSESSED with P.U. and they sang the damn song everywheres! What is it with that show!?
when are the bloggers coming to the big blog seminar drink out in Thailand? when when when??? I am missing out on all the blog fun
This post makes me love you more.