TMI Thursday: Those Three Little Words (Will Never Sound the Same Again)

Look Ma, no bathroom humor this week!

Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join me and the fast-growing harem of TMI-participators in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. If you want, leave it here in the comments! If you’re chicken, share someone else’s! Ah, the anonymity of the blogosphere… it’s a good thing. Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular gravely feared TMI THURSDAYS…

Without further ado, this week’s tale of TMI…

(See the TMIT archives here.)

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You all know how B and I met, but what you don’t know is how a good old-fashioned eye-fucking turned into a crazy ass, devil may care, oh my LAWD rollercoaster ride of luuuuuuurve. As you can expect, with the two of us, it wasn’t your plain old average sweet and adoring six months of courting before we dropped the big ‘ol L bomb.

It was three weeks, to the day, since I met him (and we’d already known it for two).

We went out for Ethiopian at Dukem with a couple of friends of mine (also transplants from Carolina, and people who KNEW me. And by KNEW me, I mean that there is no way they would ever in a million years believe there was a guy who could tame me, a guy who could possibly have LiLu… smitten?) They were skeptical, to be sure, but they agreed to meet us for some dinner and a little U Street jazz. And by the end of the evening, they knew as well as I did that it was true, the deal was done, the blood still wet on the contract with the devil… I was in love.

B and I walked home to my Dupont apartment, and wasted no time ripping each other’s clothes off. But there was a sense of anticipation in the air… something was different. We were so taken with each other… it was just ELECTRIC and tender and all that schmoopy crap. It was, in a word, lovely.
He suddenly sat up in my bed, as nervous as a 13 year old whose other ball just dropped, and blurted out:

“LiLu…” (Mother effing PREGNANT pause)… “LiLu, will you be my girlfriend?”

I looked for the note to check the “yes” box and wondered how soon it would be before we changed our facebook status.

Just kidding. What actually happened was I immediately started crying. A month ago I couldn’t IMAGINE the idea of being with One Person, and here I was, tear-stricken with happiness at the very thought of being his . “YES, yes, yes, of course I will,” I told him, amid tears of schmoop and joy.

He continued, “I, it’s just, I’m… well, I…” I looked at him. I knew what he wanted to say… and a look of sheer terror registered on my face. So much so, in fact, that he quickly thought better of it and kept his mouth shut. I, however, knew that my expression had been excitement, not fear…. and, though I was disappointed, we went back to fornicating as newly Official Couples are wont to do.

He laid on his back, and as I was trying to find out how many licks it took to get to the center of his Tootsie Roll pop, something struck me, and I just couldn’t hold it in any longer. I looked up, mid-fellatio, gazed straight into his eyes, and said,

“I LOVE you, B.”

He took me in his arms, laughing, and said, “Oh, LiLu, I love you too.”

“Then why are you laughing at me?” I asked.

“Well… I guess it’s just the first time I’ve ever been told that mid-blow job.”

Another LiLu-ism for the books, I suppose. Happy TMI Thursday!

Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…

FattyLumpa’s: TMI Thursday: Do You Wanna Dance?

Lbluca77′s TMI Thursday: Can You Recycle Condoms?

Broookem’s TMI Thursday: I Hope Ryan Lochte Doesn’t See This…

Liebchen’s TMI Thursday: Kids Say the Darndest Things

But I Have Thought’s Not TMI, But Embarrassing

Sean’s TMI Thursday: The Secret Life

Miss Scorpio’s Instant Satisfaction

J at It’s Toasted’s Same Old Story