How was your weekend?
Mine was like this. (NSFW.)
Well, okay, not exactly. That might have been last March, when Carolina beat Dook. (By the way, THAT is what Franklin Street looks like when it happens, which is about 1/1000000th of what it looks like when we win the National Championship. I KNOW. I WAS THERE.) Also, sorry for the expletive. We all know I have the mouth of a sailor.
Anyhoosits, while I had a blast with my sweet Carolina girls, the six hour train ride home yesterday was somehow not quite as much fun as the rest of the weekend. Maybe it was the two whore children sitting in front of me with their unattentive mother, that screamed and shouted and cried the whole way home. Maybe it was the endless cell phone calls, during which each person talked as though the receiving end involved their grandmother, in Siberia… who’s been dead for twelve years. Maybe it was the teenager across the way who apparently had forgotten her headphones, and so decided to blast bad-quality (like, staticky, not content-y) hip hop for the whole car’s musical enjoyment.
Maybe I was a little hungover. Whatever. The point is, I asked B if he could take a 5 and go get a vasectomy today.
At least we were in it together. There’s been so many times when I rode the train alone, and inevitably get caught talking to someone’s grandmother (what is it with me and grandmothers?) about their wee ones and soccer teams and have I asked Jesus Christ our Savior into my heart lately. This is the point when I have to decide whether to tell them I am an atheist, and hopefully they will leave the heathen alone for the rest of the ride, but you run the risk of them trying to “save your soul” until you throw up on their sweater. Just a little bit, to get your point across.
I usually try to just cut out the middle man.
Think about that.
Happy Monday, biatches. God, I wish I was on my couch.
{ 24 comments }
Chatty grandmas are the reason I keep my headphones in at ALL times, even if my iPod is dead.
There are worse things than getting stuck talking to grandmothers on the train. There could be homeless men on the train…..
I would take Grandma over the jerk in the airport security line who compared Obama to Hitler, told me that I lived in a godless country and that he would pray for me and the President. That was fun.
The one thing I’ve always liked about the train is the ability to get up and move around. Of course, I’ve never ridden it hung over, so my POV might be a skosh different from yours.
I wish I were on your couch too. just kidding. Unless you’re a shrink.
Oy, hungover train rides are the worst – I feel your pain. I had one once after a tequila night. Talk about poor planning.
Lemmonex: I know, but I have this weird thing where I can’t read if I’m listening to music. It’s a problem. Although, I could have just put headphones in…
Single Girl: True nuff. Especially when you’re going through places like bumfuck, Virginia…
Fearless: At least he said he’d pray for you. That’s kinda sweet. Also, I hope you hit him. With the Bible.
FoggyDew: Skosh?? I LOVE IT.
Life on Edge: Um, BA in Psychology? That counts, right?
Liebchen: I never learn, I swear.
What is it about public transportation that makes everyone (except yourself, of course) automatically stupider and/or more annoying?
I am also wishing I were not at work today.
On a bus to NYC, we stopped in Baltimore. Guy sits next to me. He has a bucket of original recipe from KFC. And a bottle of Kraft barbecue sauce he BROUGHT FROM HOME.
your potty mouth only makes me love you more.
I wish I had the ability to vomit at will. There are so many situations – dealing with horrible people, religious freaks shoving Jesus at you, whatever, where vomitiing at them would just be so satisfying. I can think of a couple people I would particularly like to puke on right now, actually.
Laura: I think it’s more of a “public” thing than a “transportation” thing. I always think of Men in Black, when Tommy Lee said: “No, a PERSON is smart. PEOPLE are dumb, panicky animals, and you know it.” So true.
f.B: Well, obviously you gotta bring your own sauce…?!? Although, my sister does keep a salt shaker in her car. At first I made fun, but then I realized she is a GENIUS.
Maxie: Thanks, boo. Let’s grow mullets together! Then I can say whatever I want and get away with it.
Lisa: Unfortunately, with you being preggers and all, people would probably just pat your head and be like, “Oh, it’s okay!” That’s when you bite them.
i wish i was on my couch too. or on yours with you, in a non creepy way of course.
to getting this monday the hell over with!
Whore kids are the worst. well maybe slut kids are the worst.
I get confused.
First, being a UCONN girl, love when Dook loses!!!!!
Screaming kids traveling – only one word …… BENADRYL……
It is ok I have a mouth of a sailor too.
Today I am on my couch and it feels really nice. I don’t think I will leave all day.
Brookem: As long as you bring your heated blanket!
rs27: Slut kids sound like they have slightly more VD.
LMB: Damn straight! Next time I will be prepared…
LBluca77: I am crazy jealous. Three hours…
See? That’s why drinking before and on the train is recommended.
You have no idea how happy I am to drive a car to work after years of taking trains. I am so sick of screaming children, retarded cell phone calls, people who can’t move out of the way of doors and on and on.
Did you see any chicken bones on the floor? Cuz those are my favorite.
that’s what cleveland looked like when we won the superbowl.
oh wait…
South Caroline?
I spent Monday on my couch… it was AWESOME… not trying to rub it in… ok, maybe a little!
Kate: I almost did just go to the cafe car and get boozed, but I was so tired…
Kate: We get chicken bones on the metro all the time. My favorite is used condoms…
Alexa: Ha!
M@: North, dear.
Woolly: Oh, you are cruel.
hahahah LOVE IT.
Some of my best memories…although now the secrets out how I feel about DOOOOOK.
duck duck fook.
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