As I’ve said many times, our neighborhood is… colorful. Interesting. Um, up-and-coming. Let’s just say the gays haven’t made it all the way here yet, although they finally beat the church across the street to open BeBar. You get the idea.
But most of our… loiterers, if you will, are harmless. They keep to themselves, hang out at the neighborhood Giant, someone on The Stoop next door occasionally suggests that we would like to give them a beer. That kind of thing. But last week, during Inauguration, there were some new faces around the block. Which, I suppose, is to be expected, as we’re next door to the Convention Center and all.
Sunday night, as B, 16 Paws, Fearless in Toronto, Restaurant Refugee and I headed outside to grab a cab to the Bloggerational Ball, we were accosted at the corner by a very demanding and, um, rotund lady. She was not kind, she was not polite, she was very rude and quite frankly, she was full of shit.
“I’m HUNGRY and PREGNANT,” she barked at us. Her eyes could not quite focus as she turned from one confused face to the next, hand out for our coinage, but we were in tuxes and suits and dresses- no one had quarters jangling in their pockets. We apologized, spotted a cab and were on our (fabulous) way.
The next day, Fearless and B and I made our way down to the Capitol to see what we could see. On our way back, we stopped at our neighborhood sports bar to show her how DC does it. (And to get a little hair of the dog…) Exhausted and anticipating a well-deserved afternoon nap, we attempted to walk the block home, and were again confronted by the same woman. She used the same bossy, indignant line, with a strange robotic quality. She was not there; we were merely blips on her path up and down the street. Again, we apologized, and continued on our way.
A couple of days later, B’s friend, K, came over for a game of Madden. (I blog, he footballs, good trade-off, yes?) As I heard them walking up the stairs, K was animatedly telling B the details of his walk there from the metro.
Apparently our friend had stopped him as well, demanding that he “Give her his change! I’m hungry and pregnant!” He tried to walk past, but she would have none of it.
“What’s in your pocket, give me what’s in your pocket?”
He pulled out the coins he had jingling around and offered them to her as he tried to make his getaway. “Here, you can have this, I’ve got ummm 42 cents.”
“But I’m HONGREE, what you got in your wallet!”
“I’m not pulling out my wallet, I’m on my WAY somewhere…” He tried to sidestep her.
This is the point where she leaned back…
AND SPIT IN HIS FACE.
Ever the gracious hosts, when K told us what had happened, we said, “The sink’s over there if you need to wash the AIDS off your face.”
{ 45 comments }
OMG!!! I’ve been harassed by this woman for the last four years. She’s one of the craziest. Whatever you do, do not make eye contact. I repeat do not make eye contact. She’s less likely to follow when you don’t. I’m speaking from experience; you’ll start to see her at least once a week now.
One night on a drunken stumble home, she approached and I lost it. I started yelling that is was about damn time that the baby should be born already. I mean it had been years. Perhaps, she should get to the doctor. Of course, it was a waste on her. But the valets at Bobby Vans found me quite entertaining.
Three thoughts immediately came to mind.
(1) Gollum.
(2) I feel as though I dodged a wet, disgusting bullet.
(3) We should totally use this strategy when we become hobos …probably sometime later this year if the economists are correct.
SPIT IN HIS FACE?! I just shuddered. For the love of God.
Also, the real epidemic is Herpes, not AIDS.
So I recently found your blog via Arjewtino and gave it a look over. After reading this post I HAD TO COMMENT. I live in the same area and encounterd this woman just this past Friday!! She grabbed me and when I denied her she called me an ugly trifling bitch. Is it sick that I feel better knowing I’m not the only one?
Oh my. That’s revolting. I don’t know what I would do if it were me who was the recipient of the hobo loogie. I imagine I’d be tempted to perform an emergency caesarean on the person unloading the saliva.
Pregnant or not, that’s when my first is going for her nose.
Miss Scorpio: Good to know there’s more blog fodder in my future… I guess I should give her her own tag.
Fearless: We can double team, too. Two shots, right in the eyes. Wait, what are you talking about?
Lemmonex: I would have said herpes, but it’s not as funny… because it’s true.
Mb: Welcome! And clearly, you are totally not alone. I’m sorry, but do NOT fuck with me when I am on my way towards booze, food, or sleep. And I’m ALWAYS on my way towards one of them.
Frecks: I wish I had a picture of her so you truly understood the grodiness. New mission…
Malnurtured Snay: There is NO WAY this beast it pregnant. Trust.
Now, see, thats disgusting on so many levels, but I remember the lady, she was…..icky, I’ll say icky, so I wouldn’t want her spitting on me thats for damn sure.
I said it that night and I’ll say it again, there was a gas station less than a block away from where she was begging, go in, get a job, like the rest of us.
That’s horrendous – it made me uncomfortable even sitting at my desk. I’ve had “characters” grab my hair and lunge within inches of my neck, but I think I’d throw up if I got spit on.
I have no words to describe the guffawing laugh that just escaped from my vocal folds. Rape jokes are so 2008. AIDS jokes are where it’s at in ’09!
OMFG! Wash the AIDS off of his face? I’ll never wash that image out of my brain.
Disgusting.
I think I would punch her in her face…
Wow. I should not be amazed, but I am.
That is crazy! This lady needs to work on her B-game…
16 Paws: She’s like my own person Hongree Hongree Hippo. Only she will eat me.
Liebchen: See, everyone says hit her, but I think vomiting on is the way to go. Then you can run away while she’s wiping it out of her eyes.
Marissa: You happy, Sweet Dee? You just gave that baby FULL BLOWN AIDS.
saratogajean: Truly, I felt horrible.
Deutlich: Next time. I’m Irish and scrappy. She better watch out.
66: You shouldn’t be. But I understand.
Spitting on someone is assualt…and in jail she would get to eat. Maybe she wanted you guys to call the cops.
Plus at least you only pretended to be pregnant for one day…the beast apparently has been pretending for years.
While I know I prolly would have been rolling around in the street with that chick had she spit on me, the sensible part of me says maybe you could/should call some social service agency and see if you can get her some assistance.
Everyone has AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDSAIDSAIDSAIDS…
AIDS!
(0:20 – 1:35)
Um. I’m all about calling the cops to remove her. That’s more than a misdemeanor offense. And if she’s incarcerated, she MIGHT be able to get help.
That spitting crosses the line on so many different levels. She needs to be put in a home for wayward pregnant mothers (kidding!)or something. They feed you in jail I think. Damn I’m being mean today. I guess it was the spitting.
Call 911, ask for an Ambulance, pregnant person in labour and delirious/delusional, emergency!!
Just a suggestion!
Megan: I know, I know, but at least I felt BAD about pretending to be pregnant. It was for a good cause, which was, ummm, not getting thrown out of a cab for puking?
SinglikeSassy: True enough, but honestly, it’s not my style to help someone spitting on me…
66: You just couldn’t resist.
Kate: We’ll see if she really does stick around… we might have to. And good call re: getting help in jail… at least it’s warm.
Cyndy: I’m glad we’re on the same page. I feel less mean now…
Fiona: Actually, that’s a GREAT idea. Next time she accosts me, I’ll offer…
She totally would’ve gotten thrown out of the house if she were on I Love New York. That’s no way to treat a person… spitting in someone’s face? I’m not gonna lie– if I lived there, I’d never leave my house. Spitters cripple me with fear.
Wow… we have a colorful neighborhood where we live as well… but for the love of god… spit in his face !?!
I’m not a very nice person when it come to stuff like that… it would not have ended as graciously as you guys ended it
Wow, she’s agressive. And crazy. And mean.
Maybe she saw something on his face and was cleaning it off.
I think she was being nice. In the disgusting way.
There’s something about spitting that homeless people just love. My friend once got spit on by a homeless dude to. It’s like they have no other way of conveying that their life sucks, so they spit.
Hmm.. Now that I think about it, my life sucks. Maybe I should take this habit up.
There’s some huge percentage of homeless people that aren’t right in the head in a big way (versus just down on their luck and trying to survive). It would appear that she’s one of them.
You don’t owe her anything but if you want people to come visit you without fear of being accosted, you might consider the call to the police/social services.
Or you can just consider it part of the adventure.
three words: call the cops.
Well, certainly if I am large, cold and pregnant, you should expect my sputum to be my calling card when you deny me change.
Um. Ew. Just grossed myself out.
A homeless person spit on me in Chicago one time. I spit back. Mama doesn’t mess around!
you have quite the eclectic neighbors my dear girl.
id spit back.
Downbeat: How on EARTH did I not make that connection?! Greatest episode ever!
Miles To Go: I was surprised too. She probably wouldn’t have done it if all three of us had been out there.
Lisa: Fo shiz.
rs27: Awesome, now I don’t have to wash my face in the mornings anymore! I’ll just walk by.
surviving myself: That actually makes a lot of sense. But she doesn’t know that I’ll hock a loogie right back.
lacochran: True enough. If she’s still around, I’ll look into it, one way or another.
Kathy: There’s usually one around the Convention Center, thank goodness.
Madame Meow: I do that a lot.
BWP: Good for you. At least she did it to someone else, so now I’m prepared. I’ll spit on her first- blow her mind!
Brookem: Yeah, come visit anytime!…
Male bums rarely freak me out. Lady bums? Scare me every time.
If she could spit, then she clearly wasn’t dehydrated…
DC nightlife frightens me. Really.
I probably would’ve called over an officer and tell them she stole money off of me.
Because I’m vengeful.
Kate: True story. Especially the ones with their children, I can’t handle that.
Katherine: And neither was her “baby”.
Rachel: I’m not that creative short-notice. Next time…
That’s one thing I don’t miss while living in Arlington.
The homeless here are so docile that I tip them for providing “character.” I’ll never forget when I lived (typed loved) in Adams Morgan with an ex and I was accosted one day by a black midget.
“Did that midget just call you a faggot?”
Just keep walking, I said. Keep walking.
somebody seriously needs to press charges against that bitch.
It never ceases to amaze me how people feel that demanding something will work better than asking nicely. If I were of a mind to give, her attitude would have just pissed me off. Rude!
shut the fuck up! maybe you should bombard her with water balloons.
and that AIDS comment i couldn’t help but laugh out loud at.
This is one more reason I’ve decided to never leave the house again. Unless I can hitch a ride with the next Mars rover. But there ain’t no spitting up there.
I am totally not one for violence. and I can put up with the insults and the harassment better than most, but woman or not if someone spits on me that is a one way ticket to a black eye.
M@: Just keep walking is my new mantra in my neighborhood.
Maxie: I have a feeling it won’t take long…
SMB: I know. Someone ought to teach a class: How to NOT piss people off when you’re asking for their money.
Alexa: Water balloons! That’s great! Especially because right now they’d be ICE balloons.
emma: Save me a seat.
Woolly: Spitting is SO disrespectful. New York and Punkin know this.
I’m still loving Downbeats comment.
Seriously though people need to consistently call the police on this women. She is a threat to the neighborhood and sadly, herself.
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