***If you haven’t gotten the memo yet, we would HEART to see you at The Reef, at 8pm on Sunday, for the now-free Bloggerational Ball!***
Some of my besties, and the rest of the blogosphere as a matter of fact, have had better weeks than this has been.
I would like to let y’all know: You are not alone.
(Though I can’t quite compare to a tree growing in a toilet or being without heat during the coldest week of the year…)
Here’s B’s and my week in a nutshell:
Pepco sent us a bill for more than $650. This bill is for TWO MONTHS. Now, mind you, our twee apartment is, oh, 900 square feet (essentially two freaking rooms and a bath). We always keep the thermostat on 68-70, except for when we turn it off EVERY DAY while we’re at work. ‘Splain that, Lucy.
Seeing as we are short of funds (above), we were very much looking forward to B getting PAID on the 15th, yesterday, in order that we might think about paying giving sexual favors in return for said electric bill. The only problem was that his ATM card had recently expired, and his new one was ALLEGEDLY in the mail. For like, nine years two weeks. On Wednesday, the day we DEFINITELY needed to pay Pepco (in some form), B went to his bank to ask WTF his new ATM card was.
“It should be coming,” she said, with a bigass ditzy smile. You can imagine how the rest of the conversation went. Finally, he asked her what it would take to cancel the supposedly mailed card, which was no where to be seen, and expedite a new one.
“$25. But the new card is sent in a completely unmarked envelope, so if you have any unopened mail it may be there.” B’s mind: AAARRGGHHH why can I not break neck through bulletproof glass?!
B: “Well, it’s been 24 days, and I would I think it’s more than reasonable if YOU pay the expedite fee, BUT just in case, let me check at home first to double check it’s not there. ”
Idiot bankteller: “Oh, you wanted me to not cancel it?….”
B: “Yes… that is what I just said… WHY?”
Idiot bankteller: “Ha ha, it’s funny cause it only takes a few keys touches to cancel it. I canceled it. Do you want to pay the expedite fee for a new one?”
Of course when he got home, it was sitting in the mail drawer–unmarked–thanks. And we now have no way to pay our kajillion dollar Pepco bill that seems to be a whole lotta bullshit anyways.
Much more importantly, MY drama of Wednesday.
It was ~20 degrees, and I walked the 2 miles to work… mostly because I’m an idiot. So, yes, I wore my big, ugly, fake 9 West Ugg boots. Listen, all you suckers lovely ladies who spent $200 on yours… they’re cheap, they’re warm, they fit over my pants, and I just look like I’m a Georgetown student anyway, so I’m okay with it.
I got to work, stripped off my boots, still shivering, and opened my gigantor purse to get my “work shoes” out. I vaguely remembered grabbing two white shoes out of my shoes closet to wear.
This is what I pulled out:
Yes, that’s right. Not only did I bring the TWO DIFFERENT SHOES. I brought TWO RIGHT FEET of the wrong goddamn shoes.
I thought, well one of them is a moccasin. It’s flexible. Maybe I can just wing this all day… (PLEASE keep in mind here that the moccasin is FLAT… while the wedge is 1 1/2 inches high.)
Yeah. Not so much. Okay… I guess I can wear my FUGLY, fugly boots under my shoes? I mean, they make my feet sweat/smell and are SUPER UGLY, but at least there’s a left and a right, no?
Ugh. Not UGG. UGH. Vomitous. Shameful. Disgusting. But what’s a girl to do? At my old job, I had six pairs of shoes under my desk for just such an ocasion… but I have not yet prepared at the new place. I am stuck with looking down at THIS all goshdurn day:
Oh well. That’s what I get for being an airhead, I suppose. Oh, and to add insult to injury? As comfy as these boots are, you apparently canNOT wear them for 10 hours at a time:
Lesson learned… DON’T BE A FUCKING MORON.
Happy weekend, lovahs!
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OUch. Not a good week.
That is freakin’ hilarious!!!
Thanksgiving morning our water heater exploded in a huge wave of hot water all over the basement… we hurried and packed up to shower at one of our numerous stops for the day and as I’m pulling out my shoes at the soon-to-be-in-laws… I realized I had grabbed 2 black shoes, both right, different types (one– my ballet shoes I go out to clubs dancing in, and two– my shiny black ones with the belt buckle… like your white ones!)
I totally feel your pain!
And if I was B… i would have punched the glass… but I’m kinda a hot, red headed little bitch
ooh. owch. Hopefully you can call pepco, ‘splain the chaos, and arrange something over the phone? Sometimes companies deal with you better if you tell them of the problem before they call you to tell you of the problem.
Sorry about your shoes. When I worked, my commute was an hour downtown – whether metro, taxi or car. I had a sandal EXPLODE two of its straps on the way once. No spares. Fortunately, I worked IT and just borrowed some socks. I hate shoes. They are mean and always do bad things.
So glad you documented the two right shoes. Sad and funny because we’ve all been there.
I once worked with a woman who kept ~25 pairs of shoes under her desk. It was amazing she could fit her feet under there.
Oh Livvie. Sending you big fat hugs. And vodka.
You poor thing! Those blisters look terrible
But thanks for including the picture of you at least trying to work it out with the two right shoes. You never fail to put a smile on my face, GAL!
I am a friend of Fattylumpa and a new fan of your blog! Love it!
Pepco bites. I just paid $300 for my 650-sq ft apartment, which I kept at 62 degrees except when I was gone for a month and turned it down to 57. $300. I have yet to figure out my shoes, though.
Sorry to hear about your week.
OMG!! I can’t stop laughing about the shoe fiasco! Back in the day (when I was your age!), I drove a stick shift to work. Long commute, so I’d wear my sneakers and change into heels when I got to the office. One day of forgetting shoes and having to wear sneakers all day made me paranoid. In fact, I was sooooooo afraid of doing it again – that I kept a spare pair of black all purpose shoes in the drawer of my desk.
You couldn’t do check by phone with Pepco? Where you read them the account and routing number off a check, and they deduct your account accordingly?
Anyhow, sorry you had a rough week.
So you probably don’t want to hear that all my utilities are included with my rent, eh? And because of that I keep the thermostat at 80 and open the window when I get hot.
As to the shoes, let this teach you a lesson, my dear, always be prepared. At the moment, I have 7 pairs of shoes under my desk. Granted all but 2 pairs are black.
Poor baby…I didn’t laugh, really, I didn’t…
Don’t worry, when I get there we can build a fire in a trash can to keep warm. It will be good prep for our future hobo days.
I fear the shoe fiasco, and thus keep (hold on – head count) currently 8 pairs of heels and flats under my desk. I wouldn’t be so worried, but my boss is a stickler. He once sent home a *senior fellow* because said fellow didn’t wear a tie. (It’s not like we have clients or anyone coming in to see us.)
Now every guy keeps at least one extra tie at their desk.
Sorry your week was so rough – yay for the weekend!
Freaking HILARIOUS! When I bike to work I’m always afraid I’ll forget something like my work shirt. Or a bra.
It hasn’t happened yet, which makes it worst, because you SO know it’s going to happen this year…
PHST: You said it. I tried to keep it short, too…
Miles: Oh man… at least I was just at work! Although, hopefully your in-laws thought it was funny…
Connie: I broke a heel the other day… never really knew what that meant until I did. It means, YOU NO LONGER HAVE SHOES TO WEAR ON YOUR FEET. Thankfully, I was outside of a shoe store… *wink*
LA Cochran: I aspire to be that woman.
FattyLumpa: Sweet tea vodka, please.
PLT: Aw, thanks, sug. I seriously thought about it, too, which is the saddest part…
Shelly: Welcome chica! Glad to have you.
Kristin: Seriously?? I assumed they had made some sort of mistake… ugh. Welcome back, though
NothingFancy: I now have 4 emergency pairs of shoes under my desk. CHECK.
Shannon: I suppose we can. Thanks for the tip…?
Miss Scorpio: You shoe whore. We’re twinsies!
You could always auction off some sort of favors at the Bloggerational Ball, sexual or otherwise. I’ve always wanted a houseboy, but I wouldn’t necessarily say no to a housegirl. You can brush my hair, fluff my pillows, and serve me sugarfree margaritas until I pass out. That would be worth at least $100, I think.
ouch! to your whole week and especially your feet. damnit.
(does B use BOA? same f’king thing happened to me with the damn ATM card debacle. they gots to get their shit straight.)
Fearless: You think you’re joking… oh, by the way, SEE YOU IN TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Liebchen: Well, maybe you should stop pissing in your boss’ cheerios every morning.
Beach Bum: I’ll bring an extra bra to work too. That way we’re covered. GET IT? COVERED? *snort*
Frecks: $100?!? With cans like these??
Okay. As long as we can share the margaritas.
Brookem: He doesn’t, but I do, and they’ve done the same shiz to me. I’d LOVE to leave them for my company’s credit union, but the accessibility of ATMs stops me from doing it.
So it’s not just me that’s scared of leaving the right pair of shoes at home? Last semester my goal was to teach seminar every week in a different pair of shoes, so forgetting a shoe would have ruined the plan.
That’s happened with my debit card twice and I’ve bitched to the point that they waived the fee.
Imagine the day when I discovered that my therapist – who keeps a kajillion shoes under her desk – wears the SAME SIZE as me! Now, I’m sure it’s all the breach of inappropriateness crap, but man we love to share shoes.
But I’m sorry about yours. Really and truly.
Dr. H: Welcome! Also, there is a ZERO percent chance I would ever make it successfully through a week like that.
Rachel: I’ve done that with overdraft fees. Seriously, you need to charge me $50 EVERY TIME I go $1 under? Eff you.
Kate: I can’t wait to see YOUR happy feet today!
Your heel (Heel, get it?) look a bit beat up there sweetie. I also feel your Pepco pain. Two years ago Comcast “forgot” to send me a bill for five months. Long story short, since I auto pay most things I didn’t notice…until I got an $800+ cable/internet bill. Major suckage. I eventually talked them down to about half that, but it still blew.
Rest up, we want to see you dancing Sunday.
Banks = teh suck. Good luck on keeping the lights on.
)
maybe just a few events to make you enjoy your weekend EVEN MORE!! (hope you can dance with those feet sista)
you guys will figure it out. where there’s a will there’s a way…or a warm hotel room! (what is it about hotel rooms?? i LOVE them!)
Oh, honey, that is horrendous all around. I’m so sorry to hear about about that – all of it. Dreadful.
Let me guess–his bank is Bank of America? I had to go through all of that exact same tsuris when my old debit card expired. And then I NEVER received the replacement. And then I NEVER received the new one after I complained the first time. And then the temporary card expired. . . .
Fortunately, the third card I requested from them eventually arrived–the day after I Coinstar-ed all my change and used that to pay for my groceries since I had no cash and no debit card.
Those fake Uggs make me sad. Sadder than the non matching shoes. But I still love you.
Ohhh, that shoe situation sucks (don’t hate me because I laughed)! Hope your heels are feeling better! Also, that electric bill seems crazy to me. Did you call them??? Holy ripoff, Batman.
Oh. Man… that is a ROUGH week.
Yeah, the Ugh boots gotta go over the pants…. I hate Ugh boots and I hate yoga mats. I want to beat anyone w/ both at the same time.
Foggy: GROOOOOAAAAN. J/k, I love it. And I PROMISE there will be dancing.
Downbeat: Ha. Thanks. We probably need it…
Life on Edge: Pshaw. NOTHING will stop me from dancing. Nothing!
Venomiss008: I love hotel rooms too! There’s something special about knowing you don’t have to clean up ANY of the mess you make… just don’t bring a blacklight.
Lisa: Thanks, sweetheart. You’re so nice!
JordanBaker: BOA has been effing me over for years. YEARS. I’m such an idiot for staying with them, but I like to be able to pull the whole “I’ve been a member for 7 years!” thing.
And Coinstar, huh? We hadn’t thought of that yet…
Lemm: I know you do. Hugs.
Kate: “Holy ripoff, Batman!” Oh, thanks for the laugh. I needed that.
Deutlich: Fo shiz!
M@: Uggs I get but… yoga mats? Offensive? I’m confused.
Lemmonex:
How about we auction off glances at my glorious bosoms and we split the proceeds? I’ll even go halfsies.
You just qualified for the Maximum “poor babies” here they are!
Poor Baby
Poor Baby
Poor Baby
Poor Baby
Poor Baby
There you go darlin…
Ouch! Since you had such a tough week, I hope your weekend is fun and relaxing. Lesson learned…don’t be a fucking moron…I’ve said that to myself at least once or twice…okay, lots of times cause I’m a slow learner.
I got a chance to go back and read some of your blog and just wanted to say you have a great place here. I love how you write so honestly.
Katherine: DONE and DONE. I’ll wear a short skirt and pull some Britney’s to carry my half.
Fiona: Aw, thanks darlin. Is that a tiny violin playing in the background?
smiles4u: Thank you so much, that really means the world to me!
This is probably not the time to reveal that I once had a career in banking as a “product manager” and my “product” was thinking of new and sneaky fees especially for customers who had the nerve to want to access their own funds.
Oh and for an unnamed bank I helped install a program for the call center that after you “enter your account number and press pound” looked up your relationship and if you were a suckass customer put you at the back of the call queue. We always got a lot of laughs over that one.
anyway I’m sure BOA has a Bill Payment program you could set up to pay Pepco. Also you can go directly to the Pepco site and pay your bill by submitting your checking account information.
Yes, yes…just call me your personal Suze Orman.
p.s. Pepco still sucks though
this just proves the shit we put our feet through! gag.
i wish i could go to the ball, i’m like the cinderalla blogger stuck in cleveland.
Ohhhhhhh, your poor feet! I’ve only come close once and that was when I taught aerobics and brought two different shoes to class. All was undetected until we went to the floor and the soles were pointed toward the class. Oops! Hope you’re having a great weekend.
Herb: I’ll forgive you. But only because you’re coming tonight. EFF PEPCO.
Alexa: I wish you could come too! Next time…
SMB: At least you brought a LEFT and a RIGHT! And I am, lady, I am.
Oh you poor thing!
But I’m sorry, I couldn’t help laughing out loud, literally, when I saw the shoes you pulled out.
Ummm…so, he went to the bank, talked to the teller about his ATM card and came back home ?
Why didn’t he show photo id and withdraw cash manually at the counter ?!!
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