TMI Thursday: Milky White Thigh Glistening In The Silvery Moonlight

(Read more of my TMI Thursday escapades here.)

My mother’s parents are two truly amazing people. My grandfather ran a dairy farm for the better part of his life (hence my having showed cows in 4H), while my grandmother was a Home Ec teacher for some 50 years. And at 83 years of age, they are as in love as I could ever imagine two people to be. It is a template for love and marriage I can only hope to recreate in my own life.

When I was wee-er, my sister and I used to spend summers up in New York at the farm. It was wonderful. My grandmother taught us to cook, knit, sew- you name it, we had to learn it. (And now that I wear shirts with buttons on them, I’m so glad we did.)

One dark and lonely evening when I was staying at my grandparents’ for the summer, I had been chatting on AOL for hours, circa 1998. Being of the farming world, my grandparents tended to go to bed around 8 or 9 pm, so that they could rise at 5. (Ghastly, I know.) After they had retired, I was walking upstairs to get some socks, and I (in typical LiLu fashion) tripped on the stairs and gashed my shin. I made it up the stairwell and examined the medicine cabinet in the “common” bathroom for band-aids, to no avail. My grandparents had a second bathroom in their master bedroom, and I deduced that they must be there. I crept towards their door, listening carefully for a lack of noise that might indicate they had already fallen asleep for the evening.

But No! I heard voices, and being of, oh, 13 years of age, I decided that meant “Full Steam Ahead!” I slowly creaked their bedroom door open, and gazed in to assess the situation.

“Fwwwwwwt!!!!!!!!!!!” I gasped inward, as the scene in front of me slowly came into focus. My grandparents were laying on their bed, facing each other. They lay on their sides, wrinkled legs naked and intertwined. My gramma’s milky white, leathery thigh lay atop my papa’s gnarled frame. Their shriveled limbs glistened in the silvery moonlight, blue vericose veins shining through. They froze as they heard me at the door, and prayed just as hard as I did that I couldn’t see any more through the 6 inches I had the door cracked open.

“LILU?” My grandmother asked in that, “I’m trying so hard NOT to sound panicked that the fright is ten times more palpable than it would be if I was straight up yelling” voice. “Did you need something?”

“Um,” I tried to sound nonchalant, but my squeaky voice quickly betrayed me. “I was just wondering if you knew where the band-aids weRE?” I cracked on the last syllable.

“They’re in the hallway closet!” She trilled. Or shrilled. Either way.

“Oh great, thanks!” I yelled through the door I had already closed.

I ran to my bedroom and buried my head under the covers, mentally clawing at the images burned into my brain. In the years to come, I would slowly repress the memory until it faded into non-existence… until one fateful day, when as a consequence of too much beer, the topic of “the elderly getting’ it on” came up, and the horrible memory came rushing back in all its vericose-y glory.

Thankfully, though, I am now older and wiser, and instead of letting it bother me, I can use it to torture all of you.

Happy TMI Thursday!

Other TMI’s this week:

Arjewtino’s TMI Thursday: Where Halloween Night Goes Horribly, Horribly Wrong

Doug’s TMI Thursday: Work Edition (<— This is an absolute freaking MUST READ) Sean’s Bathroom Etiquette

LBluca77’s TMI Thursday: Are the 6 Packs of Dr. Pepper On Sale At Least?

Zandria’s It’s TMI Thursday, and Zan is Participating!

f.B.’s I Don’t Want, Your Cat.

Miss Scorpio’s New Meaning To Pleasant Ride On The Metro

Katherine’s TMI Thursday: Where I Overshare For Your Pleasure, Volume 4

Brookem’s TMI Thursday: Oops…

Julie’s TMI Thursday: 20 Minutes to Go!