Today was my new company’s holiday party. They take it SERIOUSLY. Aka, the mission of the party is to get everyone as drunk as possible. Which I fully support, don’t get me wrong, and it was a blast. I got to make a name for myself in the department where no one knew me until today, a la karaoke. Here’s a typical LiLu snippet to brighten your day…
Co-worker Maria: (@ Non-drinking Co-worker Harry) Why are you drinking WATER??
Harry: I only drink cider. I was promised last year there’d be cider this year, and there isn’t. So I’m drinking water.
Maria: That’s no excuse! If they don’t have what you want, you drink the next best thing! Like wine! (She sloshes her glass of chardonnay)… Wine tastes different every time!
Harry: No, no. I have a rule: if I don’t like something, I don’t drink it.
My New Work Wife, Naomi: That’s a silly rule, Harry. If you don’t like a drink, you gotta drink the next best thing. Just because you don’t like IT, doesn’t mean it doesn’t like YOU!
LiLu: That’s so true! Company drinks are like a Friend With Benefits! You might not be in LOVE with them, but they gets the job done!
Blank stares…
(Just kidding. Actually, it went over really well. I think I’m gonna like it here…!)
{ 16 comments }
“is to get everyone as drunk as possible.”
Where do you work and are they hiring?
My Office job sponsored a get-to-know-you happy hour with some of our clients a few months back … I think largely they stopped because, at the time, my cube was outside the CEO’s office and I was pretty damn green the following day.
“Alcohol’s like a Friend With Benefits! You might not be in LOVE with it, but it gets the job done!”
Can I quote that on Twitter? Because I really want to quote that on Twitter.
My department’s holiday party was a total bore compared to yours. It started at 4:30, I got there a few minutes late, and by 5:20 I was making my way back up to my desk to shut down my computer and grab my usual bus…
Can’t wait for Saturday!!
I can’t wait for my work party tonight… I gonna tear it up… I wore my drinking pants (yes, I have drinking pants)
it’s time to unleash the Woolly on some unsuspecting cube dwellers (that’s what I call the guys at work that never leave their cubicle.. (maybe I didn’t really need to explain that))
Malnurtured Snay: I was informed last night that my department’s motto is “Work hard, Play harder.”
I’m gonna like it here.
Katherine: Totes, except I changed it to COMPANY drinks, because I am in love with regular alcohol. Just tinyurl me, hooker!
Beach Bum: You should have stuck around, it was insane. I’ve never seen a work party like it, and I used to work with commercial real estate brokers! I am TERRIFIED for Saturday (the huge, company-wide holiday party).
Woolly: DRINKING PANTS? Where do I get those?? I think it’s like my Big Girl Panties, no?
great holiday party mission statement.
but Harry needs to suck it up and try a little harder. it sounds like your company is one of those “What can [insert company name] do for you?” kind of places re: alcohol. which means there was probably at least one person who’d have made a liquor store run for him if he had stopped throwing his cider-tantrum long enough to use his big boy words and just tell them what he wanted.
bring some cider and spiced rum Saturday. and tell Harry it’s his make or break moment. (unless he doesn’t drink because he’s recovering, then (in all seriousness) congratulate him)
Great…an office of enablers…
But wait a second – how good could an office party be if you are posting this early in the morning? Hmmmmm….
“Unleashing the Woolly”…I have officially found a new favourite phrase.
My office party is filled with awkward silence and veiled contempt…oh well.
f.B: Harry has already been informed that if he doesn’t drink on Saturday, he will be pantsed.
Fearless: The sad part is, I wrote that at 9:30… PM. LAST NIGHT. Absolutely shitfaced.
Lemmonex: Actually, that sounds like fun too.
Inappropriateness at work is what makes is worth returning to. Well, and the paycheck.
This just goes to show that the greatest minds have the greatest lines after 8 glasses of wine.
I applaud you.
OMG I so need to get a job there. I’m coming!!!!!!!
Sounds like a good group. Good comeback on the friends with benefits.
Okay, you know I’m a recovering alcoholic, right? I can’t WAIT to use the friends with benefits thing when working with a newcomer when they try to tell me they don’t drink too much or have “changed from beer to wine” or some such nonsense to keep from admitting they have a problem. If it’s “getting the job done” and they don’t like it? They’re SCREWED.
Not that any of you are screwed. I’m NOT the judging type, but when you end up in county detox? Um, there’s a problem. They usually just don’t know it yet.
mwhahahhaa!
It’s always good to have someone who likes/needs to stay sober. I don’t like getting totally snockered. I like having a few drinks and then watching everyone else get silly – besides, it’s good to keep people out of trouble when needed (for example: although drunk people usually do not catch on fire – why is that? – it is still good to pull them out of the bonfire). I’m also the one you can ask “What really happened?”… ;-D
Sounds like you had a blast! What a wonderful office! Happy Holidays!!
Ah, yes. The things that sneak out of our mouths unbidden…gotta love it.
(Especially when it’s true!)
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