Dear Piperlime:
When Banana Republic came out with you as their SHOE WEBSITE (!!!) earlier this year, I was somewhat skeptical, as Banana is generally ridiculously overpriced. But after perusing your lovely green pages, I reminded myself I must not be so quick to judge. I took note of your reasonable price tags, and I quickly became enamored with you. When you introduced free shipping, I feel deeply in lust.
You were like Zappos, but cheaper. Cuter. Irresistible, even. I was still bartending, and had cash burning holes in my pockets, begging to be spent on your peep-toe wedges and adorable animal print flats. And spend I did. My shoe closet grew by leaps and bounds, and our relationship blossomed. I let you have my email, and you send me tantalizing pictures almost daily, of all the Things That Could Be Mine. You tortured me with patent leather hobo bags, funky bangles, and scandalous boots for autumn.
Then everything changed. I quit bartending, and no longer had disposable income to spend on your $80 shoes. You were wildly successful, and as your popularity grew, so did your prices. I went through months where I ignored you completely, as I knew I couldn’t give you what you wanted, and that you were getting it from others- so many others- anyway. You still sent me emails, but they were cold, impersonal- they no longer reflected items that were FOR ME, things I could obtain.
You let Rachel Zoe take over, and your pages were peppered with “Rachel Zoe Picks!” for $400, which disgusted me to no end. But I still glanced over at you occasionally, dreaming of one day being able to afford your wares again, trying to not lose touch completely, so that you might remember me if that day should come to pass.
Christmas approached, and I even thought maybe I would ask for something from you for Christmas! Surely that would mend our bridge that has fallen into disrepair these past months! I stopped deleting your emails, allowed myself a little torture…
And then this happened. And for this, Piperlime, I can never, EVER forgive you:
I thought I knew you. I thought you were better than that. HOW could you disappoint me this way?? And right around the holidays.
I am ashamed for you, Piperlime. I have unsubscribed to your mailing list, and ask you to respect my wishes.
You leave me no choice, Piperlime. We are through.
Regretfully,
(and I could totally be talked out of it for a 50% off coupon and some more free shipping,)
LiLu
{ 21 comments }
And, yet, the picture links right to the site leading your readers toward the Croc abyss you yourself barely escaped. Hey, those fleece-lined Crocs look pretty comfy…
Shoes are a weakness of mine, as well. And it’s funny how free shipping can make almost anything better. I use it to justify buying another pair of shoes, because who knows when that offer will come around again?
…and now I have an image of Foggy in bright pink fleece-lined Crocs seared into my brain.
are those pink ones Uggs Crocs? jebus.
You would think after all this time Piperlime would know what you want, what YOU need. All Piperlime does is think of himself and how far he can get in this world. Piperlime, I thought I knew you. You are just like all the others.
I don’t understand crocs. They are plastic, ugly and now apparently “fur lined”!
The snowmans cute though, wonder if they sell them in pairs?
They’re purple, not pink. The color of royalty. Lined like an ermine cloak…
I love the way they layer the fake snow OVER the Crocs, just to emphasize the fact that there are nasty little HOLES on the shoes.
Seriously. So practical, those Crocs.
Also wanted to point out last night’s 30 Rock featured Liz Lemon’s admission that she witnessed her grandparents having sex. I laughed so hard, I almost had an accident.
I <3 my Crocs.
Shut up.
Sweet merciful crap.
The gift of crocs? Crocs are a gift the same way herpes is.
I got the same email because I share your love of piperlime (I've gotten at least 10 shoes since they first started last year) and I have to say, I don't care. Yes, I was shocked and disgusted and immediately hit delete when the email arrived, but when they have shoes like these: http://www.piperlime.com/browse/product.do?cid=43278&pid=592760&scid=592760022 I can't resist
Foggy: Stop it right now. There is help available for people like you!
Liebchen: Not only did they have free shipping, they had free RETURNS. What’s a girl supposed to do??
Shannon: Better than my grandparents getting it on.
f.B: They are an affront to all of mankind’s sensibilities.
Lemm: I love how you automatically made Piperlime a man.
Fiona: The snowman is cute. But corrupted.
Fearless: Oh lord, I taped it but I haven’t watched it yet. Now I’m not sure if I should…
Katherine: I am totally judging you. Unless you get me a pair of those argyle tights.
66: Crocs are actually worse, because you give them INTENTIONALLY.
for serious. you go down the crocs road and it’s all over for me.
puke.
Jo: You had to send me snakeskin! You are evil, temptress…
Brookem: Amen.
I can’t fathom buying shoes online. I need to try shoes on before I buy them. My one foray into PL ended in returning all three pairs I had purchased.
Amen and good riddance.
Crocs. That’s disGOOSting.
Oh lord– I agree with you. I don’t speak to people, or websites for that matter, that like crocs.
HP: I can’t buy boots without trying them on, but pumps/stilettos I can usually manage to get the right size. Hmmm… I need boots…
LA Cochran’s ET: They are disGOOSting. Anyone wearing them deserves to be GOOSed.
Maxie: You are one of the chosen people, my dear.
I had to call it quits with Piperlime as well. I went back to my one loyal love, Zappos. Although, we might have to take a break as-they no longer offer free overnight shipping. Why must they mess with our hearts?
Miss Scorpio: Btw, DSW recently went interwebby as well… UH OH.
Hahaha I also shared your disgust upon receiving that email.
And I also am yearning for some new pumps! GAH why am I poor.