There’s no two ways about it: I have a very odd obsession. (Just one? Shuddap.)
I harbor a deep and passionate love for all things fugly.
If it’s wrinkled. If it’s silly. If it’s embarrassing itself merely by existing. If it’s abomination of nature. If it’s bug-eyed, cross-eyed, or blind. If it’s got more rolls than the Michelin man. If its face makes you wish it had a tip jar just so you could donate to the cause and buy it a paper bag for its head.
I can’t explain it, but nature’s most pathetic creatures make my heart dance. We all know monkeys make me melt (volcano or otherwise). Sloths make my insides all squiggly- even this one. I want to ride a hippo, kiss a wombat, and snuggle with a tarsier.
Otters and prairie dogs make me clap my hands with glee and do a little jig in celebration of their playfulness and unbearable KYOOTness. (Especially the chubby ones.)
If you’ve ever been walking with me around Dupont, you know that pugs and bulldogs make me go “Awwww my GOODNESS wook at da widdle SKWEESHED FACE!!!” and then I launch into my patented “pug waddle” (similar to my penguin imitation, but without the arms at the sides for flippers), while making “fat dog” noises. (It’s a special mumble that gets quieter as you go: RAWR Rawr rawr rawr).
Seriously, how do you look at this:
And NOT dissolve into a million little pieces? It can’t be done. IT’S JUST TOO DAMN CUTE.
The more sad, squishee and overall pathetic an animal is, the more my heart aches for it… and the more animated my dance in its honor. I mean, who can look at a truly Fat Cat and actually resist digging their hands into its ample belly as you motorboat its flub?? Resist this tummy, I DARE you:
Okay, okay, stop pinching the computer screen. You see what I mean, though?
Whereas most people think hairless cats look like the spawn of Satan and a rat fetus, I would adopt one in a hot minute and love it as my very own fug for all of time.
I can’t help it. My heart knows no bounds when it comes to the unfortunate, the wretched, the short-bus-riders of our world’s most pitiable beasts. I want to wrap them all in one big fugly hug and love them and skweeze them and call them my very own.
I may be crazy… but hopefully I’m not alone, and after this, your hearts are as warm as mine.
P.S. B says I can have none of these, especially a cat because he is allergic and he’s all hung up on being able to BREATHE or some crap. So, I think a reasonable substitute for this…
Is this…
Squee, chinchilla!!! Right? AND STILL HE SAYS NO. Why do you want to take away my dances of glee, babe? What do you have against glee-dances???
{ 30 comments }
You are just so darn cute and happy these days…
Oh yes, you quit your job. Of COURSE you’re gleeful.
I also do a mean pug-snuffle.
Every creature needs love. Glad to see you’re all about sharing that love.
Have to agree with Toronto…you are awfully damn chipper! Perhaps, I need a new job too.
Somebody LOVES me!
I have all the traits
Haa! I love this, and I know how you feel. Hairless cats are the BEST! Also, when picking out a kitten four years ago, instead of choosing one of his perfect siblings, I melted the moment the one with the crossed eyes looked up at me. I still melt, four years later when Elvis looks up at me with those silly eyes. It’s like, I want to take CARE of him because of it. Ya know?
My Ex was extremely allergic to dogs, but he wanted one so badly as a child that he parents relented and got him one, within a few months he built up a tolerance and pretty soon he was fine. We ended up with 4 dogs when we were married and he never had a problem.
And I must agree with everyone else you are quite happy and chipper these days. If you accomplish nothing else in your day please know that every day you make me smile, and thats not so easy to do lately. So thanks.
That chinchilla would make an AMAZING coat.
Anyone ever notice how often chinchilla coats come up in rap lyrics? It is an epidemic.
Fearless: I smell a duo-pug-snuffle… coming to a party near you in mid-January…
Miss Scorpio: The fact that I’m in my last week sure ain’t hurting, that’s for sure.
Fiona: My heart is dancing for you!
Georgia: I KNEW I couldn’t be alone! I want an Elvis!
16 Paws: I’ve tried to tell him his body would adjust, but he won’t believe me. Or he hates me. Not sure which.
Lemmonex: Chinchillas, hos and Henny. It’s all the rage.
16 Paws: I’m also really glad to hear you say that. And if New Guy lived around here, I’d totally sick a hairless cat on him for you.
everybody needs something to love, and every thing needs to be loved by somebody.
so bless your heart, because mine is emptier. could i love a chinchilla? check. a pug, bulldog, fat cat or prairie dog? check, check, check and check. but whatever that thing in the middle was – the non-machine-washable thing? -it is not readily identifiable. and rather than love the unknown, i do the popular, easy thing and fear it.
Nick and I are dying to get a dog. But not just any dog: a bulldog. I want a French he wants an English. We’ll probably get a French. Any time one of us sees a bulldog on the street we say “Puppy!” and then call each other to share the news and describe the puppy we just saw. We can’t get a puppy in our current house, but soon!
I usually don’t like dogs much smaller than a German shepherd, but I love the pugs/puggles, too.
Have you seen this? Adorable.
http://www.innocentenglish.com/pug-licking-screen-clean/
CUTEST POST ever – I love me a prairie dog – so freaking cute.
I have an obsession with bats – love them, think they are cute and skunks.
Bulldogs and pugs rule – I want to get a pug and name is Gotti.
f.B: The hairless cat is a lot for most to stomach, but my love and adoration for the fug really knows no bounds.
Jo: I would LOVE a French bulldog. I like the English, too, but they have SO many health problems- it would break my heart and my wallet. We’re waiting until we have a bit more time on our hands (i.e., drink less after work), and then we’ll be jumping on the dog bandwagon too. So excited for you! P.S. WILL TOTALLY DOGSIT
Liebchen: Ha, I LOVE that website. And it’s a good thing there’s a screen between us, because I would lick him right back.
Zip: I almost put a bat on here! They’re like mice with wings. Oh, I totally should have done a flying squirrel!
In order for our cat to get her food, we’ve taught her to “prairie dog”. One day we’re all going to wake up to a hot carl, compliments of the cat.
Pugs are the most smooshable, snagglytoothed, dorky looking pieces of adorable ever. And you’re delightfully insane.
I now know who will appreciate receiving the picture messages of George that I send on the regular. Your inbox is soon to overflow with pug pudge. Enjoy!
Madame Meow: Is it bad that I absolutely relish this:
And you’re delightfully insane.
as one of the most lovely compliments I’ve ever been paid? Full circle…
Frecks: SEND PUG PUDGE NOW!!!! SENDSENDSENDSENDSEND
All I wanna do is rub that fat cat’s belly!
The only house cats I’m not deathly afraid of are the fat ones who can’t pounce. That said, I still don’t want to touch it. Thank you, irrational cat phobia.
i’ve always loved pugs and chinchillas!!!
i have a love of all things reptilian as well.
I wondered why you kept staring at me at the meetup. I clean up well, you know.
Malnurtured Snay: SEE??? I win!
Marissa: I’ll make sure, if he ever relents, I get the phattest cat I can find.
dmb5: I may have to just come home with a chinchilla one day so he can SEE HOW DAMN CUTE THEY ARE. I like turtles, and lizards that aren’t bitey, but you are on your own with the snakes, lovah.
Gilahi: I’ve just never seen such an impressive mane of silver hair flowing in the wind!
I’ll fatten up my kitties and send them to you. Scooping litter has become the bane of my existence.
“I harbor a deep and passionate love for all things fugly.”
I wish more girls had been like you in junior high.
Pugs are effing adorable and the sweetest dogs ever!! At least the ones I’ve encountered…bulldogs are cute too =]
Hairless cats…not so much.
I am with B on the cat allergy-ness. I love them only from afar. But this is a fantastic collection of smooooshy squoooshy cuteness. Hippos, however, mean mean mean.
Damn, your BF sure is selfish. Wanting to breath and all…;-)
Hey! I have been meaning to write and say congrats on the new job. So exciting!!
i love fat cats!
I want to touch that hairless cat and squeeze the fat one – SO BAD!!! What a cute collection of critters!
I’m totally allergic, too, but aren’t hairless cats better for that? The breathing, I mean. And Himalayans, but they’re so not fugly.
Kate: I have a friend who trained her cat to use the toilet. No joke.
Arjewtino: Oh lord, no one could love a tween in puberty. I had headgear. Just sayin.
LMO: Ha- I think I’m alone on the hairless cats. They are sweet, in their own way.
Lisa: Apparently hippos are about the most dangerous animals ever, because people (me) think they’re adorable and try to pet them. Then they eat them.
Ryane: Thanks very much! Looks like I might be leaving sooner than I thought…
Brookem: Who doesn’t?? They are so squishable!
Cyndy: THANK YOU for loving the hairless cat! I thought I was alone!
Kristin: It’s actually an enzyme in cat’s saliva that most people are allergic too, unfortch. Perhaps a Himalayan…