Inspired by the lovely Madame Meow‘s comment on my love and adoration for all things “Fugly” post last Tuesday, in which she called me
I figured I would use the opportunity of a lazy Friday post to share more of my (allegedly) charming little quirks with you. Because describing my “Fat Dog” and “Penguin” dances to you is really just the tip of this crazy ass iceberg. Don’t ever say I’m not a giver.
For your personal amusement…
Weird Shit I Do:I’m not usually a germophobe, but in public restrooms I refuse to touch anything that I don’t have to. I open the door from the bottom of the handle, because I figure less people grab it there, or I use the paper towel from drying my hands.
In said public restroom, I only put one cheek on the toilet and pee at a diagonal angle. I have absolutely no explanation for this, except that I guess if there is VD on the seat, I only have a 50% chance of getting it?
If the toilet’s really gross, I hover. And yes, I have fallen.
I also flush with my foot.
Yet, I have eaten food off the plate of veritable strangers, and am a huge fan of the “playing in the dirt” philosophy to build up kids’ immunities. It’s just bathrooms. I dunno.
If I see a microwave that’s not cooking but has seconds left on it, I have to clear it. I HAVE TO. I don’t know why.
I always leave the last bite of breakfast food, like a bagel or a meateggncheese sandwich. I think it makes me feel better that I didn’t eat the whole thing. Which is kind of absolutely ridiculous, I know.
I put ketchup on everything, including pizza, no matter how good it is (a dab of sugary tomato vinegar always makes it better) and that meateggncheese sandwich. (Don’t worry, Refugee, this does NOT include steak.)
Unless I’m wasted, I cannot sleep without the TV on. B has been incredible about this, considering he prefers to sleep in silence. If I don’t distract myself with some mindless plot, my thoughts will go crazy and I will worry about OH, JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING for hours before I finally drift off. Thank the baby jesus for the sleep timer.
I absolutely cannot put socks on my feet if they’re dirty. I also can’t get into bed with dirty feet. I have washed my feet in the bathroom sink before going to bed on more than one occasion. When I was little, I used to wear socks year-round, even to bed. My father says he didn’t see my feet for about 3 years, and I don’t think he’s exaggerating. I love being barefoot now, but I still hate when they’re dirty.
If I am annoyed or disgusted with someone, it will be written ALL. OVER. MY FACE. I have absolutely zero control over my facial muscles. Poker? Not so much.
I also have absolutely zero filter on my mouth. There are many, many people who can attest to this.
When riding in a car, I do this weird thing as we pass telephone poles, like when they run alongside a highway. I try to pinpoint the exact point that is midway between two of them, and twitch a little bit, to mark it. Kind of like the face Hiro makes when he’s about to bend time.
When reading a book, or anything, for that matter, I do not in any way read the sentences in order. I frequently jump ahead, or to the bottom of the next page, and read something that I wasn’t supposed to yet at all, and go “oh shit!” and have to force myself to go back to the original spot and read from there to catch myself up. Hi, my name is LiLu and I’m an impatient-a-holic.
If there is music on, and I know the words, I will sing. There is no stopping me. It doesn’t matter if I’m around strangers, in a car, or in a car with strangers. I will sing. Also? I am a TERRIBLE singer.
I thought this would be kind of hard to do. It was ridiculously easy. And I’m sure I forgot about 4,000 other things.
There you have it, folks. I’m officially a wacko.
Happy weekend!
{ 42 comments }
your non-poker-face is probably a good thing. it saves you the time you would have otherwise spent pretending to like somebody.
yes you are delightfully insane, emphasis on the delight
Yeah, I have a really hard time holding it together when I am not happy. I can do it–I have worked for blowhard politicians–but most of the time I don’t have the strength to .
I totally got my VD from a toilet seat.
Never change, lady.
Wow, we’re a lot alike. Except for the feet thing (don’t care) and the bathroom thing.
There’s a saying in portuguese that I tend to live by (in moderation) “O que no mata engorda” meaning what doesn’t kill you will make you fat… so what’s the point of avoiding it
i feel the same way about dirty feel and uncleared minutes on the microwave (it drives me crazy).
i always have to wash my hands after riding the metro. i don’t know why, but its the first thing i do once i get to my destination. i think i’m one step away from OCD.
i share your impatience when it comes to reading. I’ll often skim through the end of the book out of boredom even if i’m still on page 50 of a 300 page book. it’s a bad habit.
“Thank the baby jesus for the sleep timer”
Truer words ne’er spoken. Without a TV in my room, I put “Mallrats” on my laptop and set a standby timer. I do this every night. I have now seen the first 20 minutes of “Mallrats” approximately 1,095 times (give or take a few dozen days for time spent away from home).
i need the sleep timer too. i swear by it. i also can’t do the dirty feet/bed thing. ick.
happy weekend to you, cupcake!
I have very strange obsessions with things in my car, my ex hated it.
Before getting out of the car everything needs to be shut off, heat, wipers, etc. Except the radio it must be turned to a nice low level and set on my default station. All poeple must adhere to this rule when using my car.
I also need the temperature set to even degrees, like 70, 72, 74, etc, no odds, exception the rule is if it ends in a 5 like 75 because its halfway between 70 and 80 so somehow that makes it even in my mind? IDK
I totally share your pulic restroom phobias.
And I think I have proved once and for all that I am insane on virtually all levels not just in relationships with men.
Most of your public restroom quirks are shared by many…. However, I cringe when I don’t see people wash their hands after going to the bathroom or before they start to prepare a meal.
One of my oddest quirks, filling ice cube trays even at a complete stranger’s house.
If I’m at someone’s home and grab ice for a drink out of their freezer, I will refill the trays if empty.
You also have a remarkable talent for making us want to tell ya stuff!;)
For the record( in this new OCD Club)
I cannot leave the house in the morning if my beds are not made.
I’ve tried, god knows I’ve tried, but I’m addlepated all day not to mention the perspiration and that wee tick that starts in my left eye…
Charlotte: Thanks for the emphasis
Lem: You know I won’t.
Jo: That saying is PERFECT. Except for public restrooms… I just can’t “get dirty” in there.
dmb5: Thank you on the dirty feet!!! People always looks at me weird for that one. Maybe I should stop talking about my neuroses…
Heidi: It is a bad habit, but I don’t even notice I’m doing it until I’ve already read something I shouldn’t have. Naughty!
f.B: I love me some Mallrats, but I’ve got to change it up. If only for B’s sanity.
Brookem: Another weird foot person! Awesome! And thanks, sugar.
16 Paws: You are totally validating my theory that EVERYONE has some OCD tendencies. It’s just a matter of how many and how severe, but everyone has them.
LMB: Actually, I think the ice cube thing is sweet. And yes, when I see people not washing, I’m always tempted to COMPLETELY call them out. One of these days I’ll do it… visit me in the hospital!
Ack! I hope you didn’t mind my calling you “delighfully insane”! But reading this, maybe I’m a little insane myself, as I have a really bad bluntness problem and I NEVER sit on the toilet seat. If you do the yoga chair position enough, you can learn to control your legs enough to avoid falling in (learn from the crazy, grasshopper).
Fiona: I do love that y’all give the crazy right back. We are such speshul people, all of us!
Madame Meow: Not at all. I loved it. And I got a lazy Friday post of it. Also, it’s completely true.
Guess I need to brush up on my yoga!
I am sometimes a non-bathing mudpuppy on weekends but absolutely can’t put socks on dirty feet. And if I don’t take a shower before bed, I always wash my face and my feet. Not together.
You are lucky about B and the TV. I would be bitter bitter bitter.
Yet more reasons to like you.
I, too, am a foot flusher and I swear by my TV sleep timer.
insane people are more fun.
I love ketchup that way too. Everything is better with ketchup.
So, are you going to the blogger happy hour thing? I can’t be the only insane person there…
Wow, we have many many things in common. I am OCD about the microwave thing. Esp. with mine at home- because it continually scrolls “PLEASE PRESS START” until you clear it. Also have no face or verbal filter. I too must have the TV on when I go to sleep… unless I am at my parent’s house, where there is no TV in my room. And I always toss the last bite of food. Then I’m not a total pig…
Lisa: It goes Teeth, Face, Feet. I can’t explain it, but it has to be done.
And yes, he is a saint. Shhhh or he’ll make me watch extra football this weekend.
LA Cochran: Foot flushing is the ONLY way to go.
Doug: Yes we are [more fun]! And no, I’m sorry, you are on your own tonight with the crazy. You better put on a good show!
Brett: OH, that microwave would drive me INSANE. I can read if left without a TV, but it’s not nearly as helpful for putting me to sleep. And you, my dear, are anything but a pig.
For you, it is the last bite of food; for me, it is the last ounce of beer – doesn’t count as a whole one, right?
hahaha. I also have to clear off the minutes on the microwave. I think it’s a mark of genius, personally…;-)
I’m a complete germophobe in public bathrooms as far as my hands are concerned. I avoid touching things with my hands at all costs. I’ll use my feet, elbows, paper towels, or hem of my shirt before I’ll touch anything. I’m so happy whenever I encounter automatic water and paper towel dispensers!
You would absolutely adore “pizza” in Russia, where they routinely have been known to ask if you want ketchup and mayo on that, or just ketchup. I wish I was making this up…
Refugee: Of course it doesn’t! It’s like half a beer then!
Ah, justification… you taste so sweet.
Ryane: I like that. Let’s go with it.
Cyndy: I know I look retarded when I prop the door open with my foot and then kick it open widely enough that I have time to get through without touching it… but I DON’T CARE. POOPY GERMS YUCKY NO THANK YOU.
I do the microwave things. The coffee room at my office has two microwaves. I’m always the first one in, and somebody has ALWAYS left at least one of them flashing with unfinished time. I always reset them. The really weird thing is, I get a little disappointed if I walk in there and neither of them need to be reset.
Hmm…judging by this list, I might be a little bit insane, too. I’m with you on at least half of it.
And my poker face is terrible. I’ve been known to do an involuntary lip curl when thoroughly disgusted.
Oh, lordy. Ketchup on pizza? I’ll pass!
Marissa: In Soviet Russia, pizza eats YOU!
Also, that sounds AWESOME. I’m gross.
Gilahi: I never thought of it that way! I guess I should be glad the universe gives me little opportunities to make sure all is right in the world.
Liebchen: YAY!!! Everyone’s crazy! And I know all about the lip curl. Lem says I have a way of looking off to the side with disdain.
My co-worker likes to say I have a “touch” of tourrettes. But I say you have a “touch” of OCD. Or just the general crazy. I mean, what’s not to like about that?
I am so with you on leaving the last bite of pretty much anything…burritos…chicken…hamburgers. However, it is not because that means I didn’t eat all it. It is because it grosses me out. Seriously. See. You are not the only crazy one. Let us all bask in the glow of the craziness.
Eeeewwww! There’s no way in hell I’m sitting on a public toilet, unless it is completely dry AND has the butt guard sheets. Otherwise, squatting is my friend. Even half a cheek is gross.
I am the exact same way about dirty feet!
In the car I can’t help but sing. Even with other people in there. And yes, I’ve been told to shut up more than once!
Kate: A touch of Tourette’s! That’s great! Now no one can accuse me of having a potty mouth anymore!
Belle: I am totally basking right now. Mmmmm… the crazy is so warm, like a fluffy blanket…
Beach Bum: Karaoke is going to be interesting this year…
I am completely with you with the sleeping with the TV on. Silence and I just don’t mix. If there’s nothing to distract me from my own thoughts, I definitely can’t sleep and I will eventually end up insane.
Since she won’t say it, let me: you’re batshit crazy.
LiLu, I keep forgetting you’re joining me at the party this year! Fun!!
Thoughts: You get me. You REALLY GET ME.
Arjewtino: I know. But there are enough people stupid enough to love me anyway, so why change?
Beach Bum: I smell chaos and mayhem.
Beach Bum: P.S., my specialty is “Afternoon Delight.” We should start practicing.
It scares me sometimes how much we have in common. Except for the ketchup thing, that’s just not right. I may have to break up with you now.
Ketchup! Ketchup! Ketchup!
Fearless: Fine. But I’m keeping the IKEA cow ottoman. AND MY DIGNITY. Deal with THAT!
rs27: How did you know my theme song?
My specialties are Dani California, Flagpole Sitta and Semi-Charmed Life. But I don’t share the stage
Doesn’t everyone do that with the door handles in the bathroom? Or at least the smart people? I pay attention, there are way too many people who move from the toilet/urinal straight toward the exit, not bothering with that pesky sink and soap.
A lot of bathrooms have a trashcan right the door, for the whole purpose of opening the door with a paper towel (at least in my head).
Beach Bum: Fair enough. If I get B drunk enough, I can probably get him join me on stage…
Daniel: Welcome! I cannot STAND I hear people exit their stalls and beeline for the door. I guess all you can do is hope that’s not your server…
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