Thank the Baby Jesus…

B and I spent the last 48 hours getting wasted on our couch. I am incredibly hung over still drunk.

AS SUCH, here is my last Friday afternoon in a nutshell. It’s an exceptionally funny twisted convo I had with Katherine of Who Invented Roses, who is so effing hilarious that I believe she will be able to replace me as Lemmonex‘s daytime gchat partner when I move on to my new job.

So here you have it… (the “Performer” comment having been inspired by this post)…

DISCLAIMER: If you are in any way religious (i.e., offended by the mocking of religion- all in good fun, I promise!) PLEASE don’t read this.

Katherine: I’m a performer

LiLu: everyone’s a fucking performer

i’m not speshul anymore

Katherine: eCrush isn’t

he’s a Doer

LiLu: hmm

alright then.

Katherine: the two of us sound like a great sexual combination, actually

a performer and a doer

LiLu: hahahaha

thank you baby jesus

for bringing me friends

as effed up as me in the head

Katherine: baby jesus is benevolent and merciful

or so sister mary told me before she smacked me with a ruler

LiLu: HA

that whore

immaculate conception MY ASS

Katherine: zactly

mary was just horny

understandably

who isn’t?

LiLu: for sure

but don’t insult joseph’s intelligence

Katherine: not unless he was horny too

LiLu: i think she stepped out on him

with GOD

i guess joseph can’t even really get mad about that

Katherine: Ha

I would just tell joseph: J, some things, well, they’re just bigger than yours. I mean you.

probably would shut him up

LiLu: and he’d be all, you said size doesn’t matter!

Katherine: yup, I would tell him something about lies being the devil’s work

and perhaps this is the biggest one of all

LiLu: hahaha

Katherine: you know, I once was asked in an interview if I could go back in time and video tape anything, what woudl it be

and I was all, “Jesus’ conception. Because Mary was really a whore.” Thank god I didn’t want that job

LiLu: did you really

Katherine: yes, I did
but now my soul is doomed

LiLu: you just became my personal hero

Katherine: the guy was a prat

and the interview had gone south long before

LiLu: well the thing about soul-dooming and such

is i’m pretty sure if you splash yourself with holy water and say the lord’s prayer when you get your AARP card, you’re good

Katherine: How about every time I renew my drivers license? Just to be sure?

LiLu: that’s probably a safe bet

worst case you’d end up in purgatory

as long as you hadn’t killed a hooker since then

actually, isn’t that the lord’s work?

never mind

Katherine: I’ve always said the fun people are in hell

LiLu: i always say, that’s where my friends will be drinking

Katherine: Ha!

is it bad that I envision heaven as sort of an old technicolor movie? Cute but campy?

and why are we talking about anything mildly religious?

LiLu : are there bowler hats?

Katherine: bad ’60s updos

LiLu: and POCKET WATCHES

there must be pocket watches

Katherine: LOL

I was thinking more along the lines of togas

must tie into the greek and roman gods

LiLu: is it bad that when you say toga

i think WINE

Katherine: I think gladiator and orgy

so no

LiLu: i think because i think of the greeks

thus mythology

thus dionysus

FULL CIRCLE

Katherine: i got the logic

one halloween, when I was about 12, I went as bacchus

my mother was not happy

it was a sign, really

LiLu: HA
in the midwest no less
you are a pioneer my friend

Mama said share.