Every now and then, I like to wholeheartedly embarrass the crap out of myself for your reading enjoyment. Since Lemmonex has made me promise to share this juicy tidbit with the interwebs, I figure there’s no time like the present. Also, since I’m leaving tomorrow (!!!) for a week and a half in Costa Rica- no big deal- you can all re-read this when you miss me, and think of happier times. While I dance with monkeys, drink a shit ton of Imperial, and break my ass trying to surf.
When I was in 4th grade, I was the most popular girl in school. I’m not even joking. It was the ONLY time in my life I could ever say that, but I quite literally pwned 4th grade. Therefore, I had free license over setting any and all fashion trends at Spring Street Elementary School. Whatever I said? Went. (Ed. note: I was totally a nobody the second I got to middle school, so forgive me if I over-appreciate the short time I had at the top of the totem pole. PS: It was AWESOME.) It was a lot of power for a ten year old, however, and it may have gone to my head. It’s taken 15 years and a lot of therapy, but I can now admit that perhaps a few mistakes were made.
Let me introduce you to the Banana Pants.
My bff Karen and I were inseparable, as preteen girls are wont to be. We were large and in charge. (Well, okay, we were a mess of knobby knees and bony elbows, but we were kind of tall for our age… it works.) We orchestrated the games of “Don’t Touch the Gravel”; we had chains of fellow students who passed our secret notes for us (Mrs. Gannon, you are STILL a total booger-head); we decided who sat at the “cool kids” lunch table.
And once every couple of weeks, one of us would call the other in the evening, and agree that the next day would be “Banana Pants Day.”
The Banana Pants were a pair of spandex-y leggings, covered with cartoonish pictures of tropical fruit. Mine were most definitely stirrups (this was the early 90s, after all,) and colder months warranted socks worn OVER the stirrups. Karen’s were (the ever-flattering) capris. The pants had a matching, bright neon, ohmygod do you have some extra retinas laying around because I just burned mine clear out of my head, YELLOW. This, of course, was to complement the oh-so-prominent bananas scattered throughout the pattern of the pants.
I google-imaged far and wide for a picture of something resembling these pants, and this was the best I could find:
Now let me be clear, these pants do not even BEGIN to do mine justice. If mine were a 10, these are a very shameful 4 on the loudness scale.
We wore those damn pants so proudly, and everyone was completely jealous of them. Of us. I can’t even remember where or how we came across them, but I do know that no one had a prayer of finding them.
Kids say the darndest things, huh? In the PANTS.
(You knew there had to be ONE of those today…)
Even though I outgrew the Banana Pants, literally and, um, emotionally, if I had a pair of these today? I would totally rock them. Because I’m 25 today, bitches. Twenty-fucking-five.
And I have never, ever, been happier.
What do you say, chicas? Should we buy these and make Tuesdays Banana Pants Day from now on?)
{ 28 comments }
OMG I just died a little. This is the best birthday present you could have given yourself.
Tuesdayas are TOTALLY going to be Banana Pants day henceforth. ROCK.
I snarking love you. Happy Berfday, you old hag. And many more.
Oh, thank you for sharing this with the world.
A schoolmate of mine who was SUPER popular had these coral styrup pants from Sears. I would always hope she would wear hers the same day I wore mine…so maybe I could be cool by proxy. It happened once and I nearly died of glee.
Happy Birthday, Banana Pants! Can you feel me squeezing you tight?
Happy Birthday to my favorite banana…pants.
I love you hookers. Thanks so much
For Christmas? You’re all getting matching pants.
miss ya already, have an awesome time in Costa Rica!
You would totally rock the shit out of those! It really is a shame that you don’t still have them.
My birthday advice would be to spend as much time pant-less as possible today.
Enjoy everything – you deserve all the happiness in the world!!
Where are you going in Costa Rica? I went to Arenal, Monte Verde and Manual Antonio in January. Absolutely amazing. Most places will push Imperial beer, but I’d suggest going for Bavaria Gold. I’m not sure if it was just because I was in Costa Rica, but that damn beer was the best damn beer I ever had.
Charlotte: Thanks darlin! I think it will be hard NOT to have an awesome time…
Julie: I haven’t worn pants all day. And thanks, babe
Thoughts: We’re definitely going to Arenal, then scoping out the NW peninsula, before swooping down to Jaco. Then we’re heading back through San Jose to the Caribbean coast for the second half of the trip. Can’t wait!
And thanks for the bday wishes…
I can see those pants in my minds eye and let me tell you, those are some fancy pants!
I had the ever popular (meaning they were popular for about a year) MC Hammer pants that I wore with great pride…as only a fourth grader can do as those pants made one look like the wearer had diapers on underneath. Soiled diapers. Eesh.
Happy Birthday!
If you’re going to Arenal, you’ve got to go to the Tabacon’s hot springs. I was lucky enough to stay there and it was amazing. You can sit at their pool bar and see the volcano.
That’s it…I have to go back…I know you don’t know me, but TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!!!
Happy Birthday!!
So, I might be a bit older than you… but here’s my story.
I wasn’t nearly as popular as you were as a kid – but one weekend in Jr High (circa 1988) – I went shoe shopping. I bought your normal everyday white sneakers, but I thought to myself – what would make this cool? Neon yellow shoelaces of course! Why did I think this? No idea, but I picked em out and wore em with pride. For a whole year my nickname at school was “Laces” – and not in an affectionate way. And then suddenly, one day, the neon laces thing took off. No one remembers me as the pioneer that I was – but I can say I was there first. Neon laces rool.
Georgia: Welcome! Judging from the soiled diapers comment, you should fit in very nicely around here. Did you wear the pants with your BUM Equipment shirt??
Thanks for the berfday wishes
Thoughts: We’re definitely going to the springs as well. I can’t wait. I’d try to squeeze you in the luggage, but I need that room for the cabana boys I’ve promised all my girls.
Doug: I was all about neon Keds in grade school. They seriously were all I would wear… I think I had like 6 different pairs. (But somehow I always ended up wearing the hot pink…)
Have a Wonderful vacation!
I’m totally game for Banana Pant Tuesday, I can sit here at my kitchen table blogging away lookin Coooooool!
Have to make sure I put the dog out first, I don’t want him licking my legs…yeugh.
Okay look… I like you. I really do. But I am NOT wearing those pants.
Fiona: I knew you’d be down. And if you get the stirrup kind, they’re doggy kiss proof!
66: Whatever. Clearly we don’t have what I thought we did…
I am jealous that you are 25 (Happy Birthday, again, you old hag), I am jealous that you are going away on vacation (slacker), and I am, most of all, jealous of the banana pants. The only thing better than banana pants is banana bread.
Mmmmm….banana bread.
Must drink less caffeine…
Fearless: I’m about to BLOW YOUR MIND…
Eating banana bread… while WEARING Banana Pants… while feeding a monkey a banana in COSTA RICA…
COUNT IT
Waaaaaaaah! I hate it when the cool kids pick on me.
happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh sweet banana pants. almost as cool as barrettes with ribbons.
have the best time sugar.
xoxoxoxo
Fearless: You totally ARE a cool kid. You are QUEEN of the cool kids!
Kass: Thanks, bia. I just squeed at the thought of barrettes with ribbons. Love you guts.
I wore those.. but was not cool like you.
Happy birthday!
I was really thinking banana pants was something naughty.
Oh well. Happy Birthday, anyway.
(and LOVE YOU! HAVE FUN IN COSTA RICA. Muy jealiosa, yo.)
Brett: We all have our moments in the sun… I just happened to be 10.
Frecks: Yeah, something VERY different than these came up when I first googled “Banana Pants.” WHOOPS…
Aaaaand SKANKED!
Ah, yes. I too am familiar with a short-lived stint of popularity in junior high. I wore this totally awesome neon fish printed shirt that everyone completely envied. Of course, you have to imagine a neon shirt with bangs as high as the empire state building due to a can a week of aqua net. Those were the days!
Enjoy your trip, babe!
happy birthday lovebug!! i told you it only gets better with age! xoxo
I….I googled banana pants. AT WORK. For YOU.
I am so getting fired. And when I do, I am moving to Cost Rica.
On second thought….maybe I should thank you.
Happy birthday and have a great trip! I’m rather jealous but I don’t know if its the pants, the coolness or Costa Rica. Probably some combination.
Thanks everyone! Just finished packing and I CAN’T WAIT!!!