So, I will admit that I was a little disappointed that on our trip, we did not see A WHOLE SHIT TON OF MONKEYS. I really, really wanted to play with monkeys. And, you know, braid each other’s hair, pick bugs off one another, throw our poop at each other- all the stuff monkey bffs normally do at their slumber parties.
Sadly, the only monkeys we saw preferred to dance out of reach in the canopies of the rain forest, wholeheartedly spurning my advances and anguished declarations of love. Devastated, I buried myself in a dark hole of Imperial beer and Chilean sauvignon blanc, and pronounced the entire trip a bust unless a monkey threw a crusty turd at me before we left the country.
It was our last day in Costa Rica. Slowly making our way back to San Jose after white water rafting the Pacuare river, (which has been declared one of the top five most beautiful rivers in the world- no big deal), we drove up to the peak of the Irazú Volcano (the highest active volcano in Costa Rica). And yeah, it was pretty damn cool (both literally and figuratively- we watched the car’s thermometer drop from 28 degrees celsius to 14 at the top).
So, yeah, the principal crater (above) is apparently 1,000 meters wide and 300 meters deep, or in layman’s terms, pretty freaking amazing. Which makes it all the more sad when I tell you that this did not impress me nearly as much as the OTHER thing we found at the top…
SQUEEEEEEE!!!!! I have absolutely no idea what these things are, and I don’t care. They look like a cross between a retarded badger and a kinkajou, but B and I quickly dubbed them “Volcano Monkeys.” Mostly so that I would stop pouting about the lack of feces in my hair, I suppose.
These things were as friendly as a purebred (i.e. inbred) puppy, dancing and weaving in and out of the smitten Asian tourists, greedily nibbling the jalepeno corn chips from the fingers of adults and children alike. It’s like when asshole tourists come to D.C. and feed the pigeons, but I couldn’t help it. I mean, you just try and resist this face:
Maybe we chased them all over the top of the volcano, squealing every time we got them to break out in a reluctant trot, their ridiculously oversized behinds swaying endearingly behind them. I’m not saying we did, I’m not saying we didn’t. You can’t prove it.
{ 23 comments }
I’m totally laughing my ass off at my computer screen (like a fking idiot) reading this at work. I love it.
Yay for Retarded Volcano Monkeys!!
$10 says Paris Hilton has one of these as a pet. Those retards stick together.
Julie: They warm hearts the world over.
Frecks: I would agree wholeheartedly, except I really, really wanted to bring one home… and what does that say about me?
Be careful what you wish for! I was attacked by monkeys in the Amazon once. We were feeding bananas to a bunch of monkeys, and Pablo the Amazonian frat boy guide balanced a banana on my head as a prank. I got swarmed…and was picking banana bits out of my hair for a week.
Hoooo my god those things are so cute! Recently I walked out my backdoor to find a raccoon right in front of me! I squeeled and flung my arms open, waiting for him to jump into them so we could be best friends forever, but he just tittered and walked away. So sad.
You could have snuck him home in a baby bjorn! When someone questioned you about your baby, you would have just acted incredulous and said “we cannot help he looks like his great uncle lester!”
Looks like they are one of these:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nasua
And no, they are not monkeys at all. We’ve have them in Brazil too, you see tons at the Iguacu Falls.
(The white-nosed coati looks like the one you saw.)
Oh, and yes, they are cute as hell!
Shannon: Oh, come on… anyone named Pablo was clearly gonna be trouble. That’s on you.
Georgia: He’ll be back. They always come back.
Lem: I should have just fashioned one out of banana leaves! Stupid, stupid! Guess we’ll just have to go back…
Beach Bum: To Darwin, they may be white-nosed Coatis, but to me, they will always be Volcano Monkeys. Volcano Monkeys that waddle.
You don’t have to travel all the way to Costa Rica see some monkeys, all you have to do is ask and I’ve got you covered right here.
Artie: I’m afraid to ask… no, really afraid…
hmmmmmm so the “volcano monkey” suit didn’t fool ya either. I need to hire a better wardrobe manager…
Yeah, those are coatis. I once had one steal a drink of mine at the Atlanta Zoo. Never knew that Coca Cola was the natural food source of a wild animal, but he really enjoyed it.
“And, you know, braid each other’s hair, pick bugs off one another, throw our poop at each other”
Ahhh, sounds like a date I once had…
Can I trade him in for my cat? He’s so much more fun!
Quit looking at my ass, and I’ll quit trying to figure out how to hump your leg.
Fiona: Or I need to drink more heavily. Either way.
Gilahi: Globalization, man. I ate his papaya like it was my job, after all.
Fearless: I missed you, woman.
Katherine: I’d take your cat in a second, if only B wasn’t pretending to be allergic to keep me from the ultimate happiness of owning a soft little kitty. Seriously, who needs to BREATHE? He’s so selfish.
Volcano Monkey: You say that like it’s a bad thing…
If you haven’t gotten your fill of monkeys yet, I’m sure I can pay a homeless dude to climb a tree and throw some poop at you. Let me know what you think
Great pics btw!
Liv, tell B the best way to get over allergies is to face ‘em. The body will adjust after a period of intense suffering. (Or else he’ll die in his sleep from allergic shock. But what’s life without taking a few chances, eh?) And really, you don’t want my kitties. They are possessed by something evil.
Doug: Thanks! I only took 400 of them… and I might pass on the homeless guy for a zoo.
Katherine: I keep telling him he’d be immune after a bit, but he doesn’t beLIEVE me. (Can you hear the whine?)
Remind me, some time, to tell you about the monkeys that I encountered on Gibraltar. And trust me when I tell you that you WILL be jealous. They may or may not have sat on my shoulder and eaten out of my hand.
Caitlin: I hate you with the fire of a thousand suns. Also, I missed your face. Love you.
I never saw any of those while I was in Costa Rica. Intersting.
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