One of my favorite episodes of Sex and the City (yes, sadly, I am one of those girls, I did like that show- it wasn’t life changing or anything, but it was cute and fun and I totally own watch it), is the one where Carrie accidentally farts in front of Mr. Big for the first time, and then wonders if she’s killed the romance. In another episode, Miranda and Steve are in a good place for once, until she finds a pair of his tighty-whities in the wash- complete with full-blown skid marks. This leads her to wonder if she has mistaken being “too comfortable” with “intimacy”.
Sure, the show is a little ridiculous, but the question is actually a good one. Is there such a thing as being too comfortable? Can that kind of “intimacy” destroy all semblance of romance in your relationship? Should there be boundaries drawn, subjects declared taboo for discussion with your significant other?
Well, I imagine that every couple is different. Perhaps some people are sincerely more comfortable with certain boundaries in place. But for B and I, we are 110% open with each other about absolutely everything. And I mean everything. Because he is my best friend, and that’s me; that’s how I need to be in order to be completely comfortable with someone. I don’t hide anything; I don’t want to censor myself. I can’t do that and trust someone, love someone completely and totally. And he’s the same way. Playing the game “who can shock/gross out the other person more” is a Sunday morning pleasantry in our home. But, he will still turn around and say something so amazing, so heart-wrenchingly sweet I start to tear up at a moment’s notice. I still love surprising him with a clean apartment to show how much I appreciate him. We fight over who’s going to cook dinner for the other person almost every night.
For us, the fact that we can be way, way too open and honest with each other, means that there is trust. And trust, real trust, is the most romantic thing of all.
Or maybe I’m just a really vile human being, and I’ve finally met my match… Either way? I’ll take it. It’s perfect for me, for us.
But I wonder… is this the norm, or is there such a thing as TMI in a (serious) relationship with a significant other? Can you be too comfortable?
{ 29 comments }
You know, my fiance and I have been together for 4 years and living together 3 of those 4 years and I’m the same way as you. I HAVE to be that open with someone or I can’t be myself. In terms of censoring, I’ll hold a fart in here and there (not often) but otherwise, nothing’s TMI. Unless we’re eating, then that’s just gross.
You know, I think each relationship has its own level of TMI. Let’s use peeing in front of each other as a perfect example… some couples would never ever do that.. and others, well, they couldn’t imagine not doing it. I don’t think either one is a litmus test of how strong the relationship is… I think the test is whether you are both on the same page about it all. Though, I thought it was scientifically proven that women don’t fart or sweat… right?
um, ditto to doug?
I like what Doug said. It really is about being on the same page.
I’m really uncomfortable with talking about bodily functions, or peeing with the door open, or any of those sorts of things. It’s just too gross for words. I understand if you live with someone, it’s a little different (I was married, after all). But for the most part, I JUST DON’T WANNA KNOW! ICK!
But in a relationship, I tend to be very comfortable with putting out the really awkward, embarrassing emotional stuff – “These are my flaws, here’s my damage, this is me, take it or leave it.”
The one exception to my “bodies are icky” rule is that sexual issues MUST be talked over, no matter how embarassing.
Jo: I’m so glad to hear you say that. I thought we were really weird or something. PS: I try to hold it in sometimes, but just for the sneak attack effect.
Doug: Who knew a discussion of TMI could be so thoughtful? I love what you said.
Ditto Brookem’s and LBluca77′s dittos.
Shannon: I’d definitely prefer someone was honest with me about their emotional diarrhea, rather than their physical…
At the risk of just a “me too” on Doug’s comment, I think there’s just got to be room for some giving. If one of you is really, really into something (intimacy-related, sports, zombie movies) and the other one not so much, then give a little. Watching some brains being eaten once in a while won’t kill you. On the other hand, if one of you is really turned off by something and the other one doesn’t have that issue, then don’t subject your partner to it.
If one of you is really, really into something and the other is completely turned off by it, then you’re talking compatibility issues and maybe you shouldn’t have gotten together in the first place.
Chris Rock said it best…”you’ve got to love the crust of somebody”…preach on brother. Um, I mean brother in the sense of I’m a man and he’s a man. It wasn’t racial or anything. I’m getting off point.
Oh, and when you wrote “trust, real trust” it reminded me of princess bride when the priest says “wuv, truuuuuu wuv” Not sure why. I’m losing it.
THOUGHTS OUT!
Gilahi: I think it’s about balance of those things that are each important to you, too. I pretend to care about the Eagles with him, and he cheers for whoever I love on Project Runway. It just works.
I Have Thoughts: I seriously almost titled this “Dutch Ovens + WAYYYY Over The Line Jokes = WUV, TWOO WUV”… the only reason I didn’t is because I used a Princess Bride reference on Monday, and I am obsessed with the Princess Bride, and didn’t want all of you to know. FAIL. But at least I can put your mind at ease: you thought that because I secretly wove it into this entire post. You know, with magic.
I think it is an inevitability that the invisible TMI line will be crossed eventually. If the royal you get married, there’s going to be a morning where you both need the bathroom for different things at the same time, and are you going to let a little thing like “decency” stop you? The survey says!… NO!
Special note for Lemmonex: Turn away now if you’re even reading these comments.
I was convinced that women didn’t fart or shit until a few years ago when one of my best friends’ then-girlfriend not only took the Browns to the Super Bowl at our place, but clogged the toilet. We were so scared of that turd that we couldn’t go in the bathroom for a few hours. Eventually I sucked it up, put on workers gloves, grabbed a mallet (in case I was attacked) and went in and plunged the hell out of the toilet, backed up by one of my roommates with a bandana covering his face and armed with a can of Lysol. We debated tupperwaring that bad boy and sending it to the g/f, but none of us wanted to give up the tupperware.
I think it probably depends on the couple. I do think there is something to be said for keeping some things semi-private. Intimacy is one thing. But keeping things interesting in the bedroom might demand that a couple be a little more coy with their bodies. I, for one, approve when someone I am seeing isn’t walking around naked all the time. Makes taking clothes off more fun (cue porn background music please)…
J
http://adventuresinvoluntarysimplicity.blogspot.com/
66: That must have been a tranny. Girls don’t poo.
The mallet is a great touch.
Jack: It’s good naked/bad naked! Like Seinfeld says…
What Doug said with a provision acknowledging that general comfort levels will change over time…. 5 years, 25 years, 50 years…
Foxy: That is so, so true… and also kind of terrifying. Where the hell can the kids go from US?
I am with you–I am completely open in all ways with the person I love…but for one thing:
Farting does not happen in front of Chef. I just don’t fart in front of anyone but my family–and in that case I announce it and crack up hysterically.
Doesn’t everyone?
I can do the peeing with the door open (then again I’ve been with Chef for almost 10 years on and off).
But announcing that I am going to USE THE BATHROOM (in that tone)…is said…but described? EW no.
Well…only if I am purposely being funny like IT WAS TEN FEET LONG.
Its funny. Cmon.
Kass: It IS funny. And yes, at home with the fam is a whole different story- hell, it’s a CONTEST.
Um, I am totally with you. I’m just gross, always have been, always will be, and pretty proud of it. I mean, I know when to turn it off to the general public, but all my old and dear friends know exactly how noxious my ass is, and whether or not I pick my nose (maybe I do, maybe I don’t).
And I have peed in front of every person I have lived with. I mean, you know, like college roommates and stuff. It’s just how I roll.
But your blog title completely reminded me of a recent problem at our house. Namely, the fact that our summer comforter was a little too short for Zach to properly dutch oven me with. So he instead took to farting, turning toward me with covers held open and saying with a giant and sincere smile “Dutch Oven, babe! Come on, get in!”.
Best. Ever.
Ask me about the Dutch Closet on Thursday…
As a guy, who was a Marine, I’m pretty unshockable. You lose all modesty after 40 some odd days in the field.
However, an ex used to come home, give me a peck on the cheek, go into the bedroom, take off every stitch and replace it with one of my wife-beaters and then come back out to the couch. The first time it was cute. After a couple of times it was like “Is that your nekkid ass all over my couch?”
I don’t know which is more traumatizing: that I may have sat on the naked butt section of Foggy’s couch, or that he owns wife-beaters.
Caitlin, I have never loved you as much as I do right this moment. I am so feeding you fried onion strings tomorrow night.
Foggy: BAD NAKED.
Shannon: His couch has a flavr. It’s nekkid butt.
Oh, yuck! Foggy, next time I come over, you’re pointing out the “bare ass” section to me so I don’t inadvertently sit there.
Question: How long does naked ass linger in 1 spot without cleaning? A week? A year? ForEVER?
I’ll take “forever” for $400, Alex.
Old couch. Not the one I own now. Never fear.
It Lies.
Even as a rabid misogynist, I have no problem with women telling men to take care of their own damned laundry…
wc#3: I don’t do laundry for people with skidmarks. Or rabies. Other than that, we’re cool.
Welcome
i don’t think there’s such thing as TMI in a relationship. i think it’s weird if a couple can’t fart in front of each other. hahaha.
Eleni: Hi chica!
I agree, farts are a must!
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