Last night, I made the ultimate sacrifice in the name of love.
No, I’m walking fine today. Why would you ask that? Oh, you cheeky monkey! Get your mind out of the gutter!
NO, folks. I mean the ultimate sacrifice a woman can make for her man.
Yesterday, I watched damn near 4 hours of NFL football.
And I didn’t just watch, either. I cheered. I high-fived. I chest-bumped, whooped and hollered. I punched pillows and yelled expletives at the television. I toasted the good pla
ys. I followed the superstitions. I cursed the refs when they missed our calls, and chuckled evilly when they screwed up in our favor. I unabashedly wished death and pestilence upon the opposing quarterback. (Or at least that J Simp was there “supporting him.” Same thing.)
I squeezed out a very manly, solitary tear when the enemy conquered and our heroes valiantly fell.
At the height of all the excitement, B looked at me, his eyes shining with love, and said, “Are you really having fun? Or are you just doing this for me?”
I smiled at him and took his face in my hands, this sweet man that I adore so much.
“Darling… I promise I’ll never fake an orgasm… but I might fake football.”
{ 21 comments }
Mysterygirl held my hand this weekend and explained the tenets of football to me. Now that I have a better understanding as to what’s going on, it’s making it much easier, and more enjoyable to watch. Before, I’d just go for the beer and mozzarella sticks. I’m looking forward to now going to watch the game…and have beer and mozzarella sticks, of course.
As long as you fake it well…he will never know.
Did someone mention fried, breaded cheese? Now I know why I felt all tingly.
I’m going to a Carolina football game this weekend — it’s my job to sneak in the liquor. Just like the old days!
As a man let me just say there are indeed few things that make a man happier than seeing his woman support his football team.
But, also as a man, I have to ask this: You actually wasted four hours watching the Eagles and the Cowboys and rooting for the Eagles? Seriously?
I heard they were using that game as punishment in various prisons around the country.
You must REALLY love B.
i faked football for a man last night… and was worth it cuz i found out i didn’t hafta fake anything else after the game was over… wink wink, wokka wokka!
Frecks: I’d fake an awful lot for some breaded fried cheese.
Lem: Yeah, I shouldn’t have outed myself. But I wanted the brownie points for sitting through it so I can make him watch Project Runway tomorrow.
Shannon: I definitely have a picture on Facebook of my gay bf and I pouring airplane bottles into our sodas at a Hells bball game. It was a proud moment.
Foggy: He tried to convince me they have some huge rivalry. I was all, “Doesn’t everyone and their mother hate the Cowboys??” And he was all, “That’s the Patriots, you damn yankee. Go back to New England.” RIP, Tommy.
Charlotte: HEYYYYOOOOOOO Come get your high five woman! And yes- I would much rather have to fake football!
i hardly understand it. like frecks, im in it for the beer and snacks. and good looking guys here and there at the bar.
I never wanted to smack Jessica Simpson more than last year when she popped her jersey, gyrated back and forth, and (presumably) shouted “Romo!” on national television. Then again, I’m a Redskins fan, so anything regarding the Cowboys makes me want to smack someone. I don’t like the Eagles either, but I was pulling hard for them last night.
Brookem: Oh, I’m definitely in it for the men (man)… but the beer sure don’t hurt none either.
66: I agree- it was actually pretty easy to root for them, since they were playing the Cowboys. When/if they play the Pats? That’s another story.
I went fishing….twice. I think I made pretty well – he doesn’t watch football.
Cyndy: I dunno… I went fishing with my grandfather once… not sure you got the better end of the deal. As long as there’s beer involved, I guess!
I don’t do the sports thing and when my last ex (Old Dave) made me watch Giants and Yankees games(yes, I know I’m never supposed to watch NY as a Boston resident – but, again, I just don’t care) I’d fake the excitement and get hammered in the process. I mean, like, hammered. “Wait, so who ended up winning the game last night?”
It made the game more interesting and the food even better.
You must absolutely love B! Attagirl.
Jules: I’m not saying I was wasted last night, but…
Oh wait. Yes I am.
The best thing Matt ever said to me was, “You know, I really try to like watching sports but I just can’t get into it.”
My response – “I think I love you solely because of what you just said.”
Ok I am not exactly that poetic in real life, it was probably more like, “Yeah SportsCenter sucks ASS.”
Kbo: I’m totally jeal. He might have to pretend when y’all come up in a few weeks, though. How else will he and B bond? Oh yeah- they can knit us scarves while they watch their “shows.” Obvs.
Faking liking football walks a very fine line between being totally hot and adorable and annoying. Done well, the guy finds it adorable that you are making the effort to get into the game. Done poorly, you just ruin the game for us.
But if you get wasted and fool around with us during/after the game, all is usually forgiven.
This is linked in Express today, at least the online edition!
Jon: I think I did pretty well- during, and after. Wink.
Charlotte: Yeah, they totally made fun of me for not understanding what a great game it was (which I did). But um, yes, that would be the point?
Liv, you were linked? And they made fun of you? I need to read this. ….so I can JUDGE THEM.
C-dawg: Printed, more like. No worries, it was all in good fun.
But we shall judge anyway! (Evil cackle)
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