Sometimes, I wonder if I should try harder to be a better person. I think we all consider this at various points in our lives; self-examination, introspection, and all that. As I’ve mentioned before, I have a tendency to over-analyze things, and I myself am definitely not exempt from scrutiny.
I think, in general, that I am a good person. I am compassionate (empathetic, mostly, not sympathetic. I.e., if I can relate to you- like if you trip on the stairs in the metro and spill your coffee down your shirt and no one stops, I’ll be the first to give you the napkin from my purse and tell you a story about how I ate it on the escalator yesterday and fell in the lap of a smelly fat guy, just so you’ll feel better. I’ve got a heart of gold, obvs).
Negative: There’s a lot of stuff I should care about that I just can’t, like the homeless, the environment, saving the whales. I mean, I do care, just not enough to um… do anything about it. Or give you any of my money. Whew, we’re being honest today, aren’t we?
I can’t hold a grudge to save my life. (I actually can’t think of one person I really and truly hate. Except Kirsten Dunst. And Ann Coulter- oh, and Sarah Palin (same diff, really). And everyone over the age of 12 who has ever recreationally worn Crocs).
Negative: This also means that I can’t hold a grudge when I probably should. People have definitely taken advantage of this.
I prefer to root for the underdog. (Shuttup, I know I’m a BoSox fan. They were the underdog for the first 18 years of my life, okay?)
Negative: I’m a BoSox fan and no one is buying this.
I love my friends passionately; I am loyal to a fault and will do absolutely anything for them.
Negative: If you fuck with one of my friends, I will kill you. Homicide is bad. I wouldn’t do well in federal prison. Also, I have a tendency to view all strangers as offending ‘outsiders’ until they prove otherwise to me. This makes for a lot of great jokes at their expense, but it also makes me a less-good person.
I have mellowed because of my years in the South (and, you know, because of growing up and getting slightly wiser and all that) from a sharp-tongued, naive Masshole into a much more well-balanced, reasonable human being, who is more inclined than she used to be to “just let it go,” in every sense of the phrase.
Negative: I worry that I will continue to mellow, until I’m just completely boring and trapped in a house in the (ugh) suburbs, with a dog and (deargodno) children.
But I’m not all sunshine and kittens, as anyone who knows me can attest. Quite the opposite, in fact: I’m sort of a raging bitch.
It’s all in the name of humor, and I would never mean to actually hurt someone’s feelings. My snarky comments are reserved for the ears of those that I trust, those who delight in my vicious and sarcastic sense of humor. But it is my natural tendency to make fun of others, particularly unsuspecting strangers (out of earshot, of course, but still), and this worries me sometimes. I just can’t help it. Do other people not think these things? Do they keep them bottled up inside so that no one can see the blackness in their heart?
Because that just ain’t me.
At least I admit the blackness is there… I’ll be the first to admit it. I justify it by telling myself, I would never say these things out loud to these people (unless you fuck with one of my friends. See above). I tell myself, “Well, if I walked by myself on a street corner, I’d have PLENTY to say”- and it’s true. I tell myself, I make people laugh, it’s just harmless fun to get through the work day. (I’m not saying that I have a “drinking” game with a fellow blogger where we have to “drink” water every time we say (type) something bitchy… I’m also not saying I don’t. I’ll let her out herself if she wants to.)
I am, I think, pretty damn self-aware when it comes to my strengths, weaknesses, and general shortcomings. The question is, am I okay with them? Or should I be striving to be a “better person”?
Um, does anyone else equate “better person” with “boring”?
Lord Almighty… I have a problem.
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To quote one of Kathy Griffin’s funniest lines: “I was raised right; I talk about people behind their backs. It’s called manners.”
I am just saying there MAY be a possibility you and I drink a lot of water together. MAYBE. Ahem.
You cannot control your thoughts, but you can control your actions. It is fine to think someone has hideous frosted hair and looks terrible in pleather, but mean to say it to their face. To friends on the other hand? Bitch away.
And I am with you on not holding a grudge. I am the same–hurt my friends and I will kill you. I will never ever forget the face of a man who has been mean to a friend of mine, but when it comes to my own heart? I can be a little reckless.
Lachochran: I LURVE Kathy Griffin. Especially that she DOES have the balls to say whatever, whenever- but at least she says it about really, really rich people who could just have her offed if she really pissed them off.
Lem: I’m thirsty. Let’s chat.
I think you reading about my tendency to over-analyze has caused you to over-analyze. Or maybe I’m just over-analyzing your post. Or something.
Crap.
On the other hand, I get to go to the film festival gala tonight and see Jim Sturgess in person…SQUEEE! I’m sure he will fall in love with me and take me away from all of this.
Oh can I ever hold a grudge. I hold a grudge with a death grip and super glue. Time does not heal all wounds, and sorry sometimes just doesn’t cut it.
And you know what? Sometimes it feels good, especially when you combine that grudge with schadenfreude.
I like you, just the way you are…even if you do have too many pairs of shoes.
I think, maybe, that we are in the same boat because I have not even noticed that you are a bitch. Because we have the same thoughts, like, all the time.
So just WHAT are you trying to say about me?
PS – Her shoes were fugly!
PPS – I don’t even know whose shoes I was talking about. I’m just sayin. You know, like storing one up for next time.
Fearless: I want the deets!
66: Schadenfreud, GREAT WORD. THIS is a concept I am all too familiar with, unfortch.
Frecks: “Too many” is not in my closet’s vocabulary.
Caitlin: You should join our water-drinking game. I heart you just the way you are… and wtf is up with that guy’s black shoes/brown belt combo??
(For next time. Put it in your pocket.)
can i reserve a good seat on that bus to hell now???…
xoxo
I don’t know you in person, but it seems to me that you are a good person with a wicked, but not malicious – unless your family or friends are fucked with – side. This, I think, is the most intriguing combination of person.
Blond: I think I might be forced to share driving privileges with you, my dear…
Lisa: Thank you for that. I would love to say that I think you’re exactly right in your analysis… But that would be conceited.
Um, does anyone else equate “better person” with “boring”?
…well I definitely don’t equate a “bad person” with “interesting”
I’ll be mixing drinks in the back of the bus. But if your wearing crocs the only thing you will served is spoiled skim milk.
Foxy: No, of course not. I meant the do-gooders of the world (in a tongue-in-cheek sense). There are plenty of us who are neither do-gooders, or bad people. It’s not an if-then.
Refugee: I bet they drink margaritas in Hell.
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