I was a terrible older sister.
There, I said it. And I’m not kidding, not even a little bit.
I’m sure when the doctor told my mother she was having another girl, she was all excited that I’d have a best friend to play with. Sisters are always BFF, right? I’m sure in her head, she was all:
Then my baby sister actually popped out. And I think shit pretty much immediately hit the fan.
I don’t know if it was because of the slightly larger-than-average age difference (3 years), or if I’m just naturally a total brat (at least partially true), but I took advantage of my mental and physical advantages over her from the moment she could crawl. (And probably before, but you can’t prove it.)
(“You baited the balcony with graham crackers?” “Prove it.” -My Beloved AD.)
I got the best everything. The best Barbies. The best My Little Ponies. The best Legos. My everythings were the kings and queens, the bosses, the moms and dads- no matter what the scenario, my inanimate objects were the ones in charge.
When she got a birthday or Christmas present that I wanted, I found a way to make it mine. I manipulated and schemed so that I had prettiest and most fun of everything, and she had a Skipper with all the hair cut off. I let her have just enough to keep the games interesting (who else would I boss around, then?)
But “I’m bigger” and “I’m older” will only work for so long. Eventually, when she got old enough to realize what was going on, she tried to fight back. I still had a considerable size advantage, but she’s pretty damn smart- I guess she had to be, when your entire childhood is spent in the shadow of someone who is constantly trying to cheat you. The next ten years pretty much looked like this:
My poor mother. Not only were her dreams of two loving and well-behaved daughters shattered, the only quiet she had was when one of us had the other in a headlock and (consequently) couldn’t make any noise.
Being the youngest of six, my father recognized the symptoms of older sibling bullying and did his best to even the playing field. His rule was: whatever I did to her, he’d do to me. While this perhaps curbed some of my public attacks, it ultimately only made a small dent in the hell that I put her through. Every time I heard the phrase, “You’re bigger, you should know better,” it only angered the beast, and thus provoked a fresh slew of harassment.
Now at the (oh-so-wise) ages of 21 and 24, we joke about our childhood, and the way that I treated her… but the painful truth of it always sits between us, and I will always hate myself just a little bit for what I put her through.
My little sister is, without a doubt, the coolest person I know. She is incredibly smart(er than me, to be perfectly honest), and painfully witty. She is one of the very few people in this world who can make me laugh so hard that tears stream down my cheeks and I have to beg her to stop. She has the coolest sense of style (I’m wearing an adorable dress that she got me right now), the best taste in music and movies (I always know I’ll love anything she’s listening to or watching), and the most wonderful and devoted friends and boyfriend (bee tee dubs, so freaking adorable I want to eat his face). I totally and completely admire the person that she has become.
Maybe someday, I’ll finally be able to make it up to her… and I will have that sister BFF my mom always dreamed we would be. I love you, Pumpkin Head.
{ 15 comments }
Man, this hits home. My brother and I are not close and we never really got along…ever. My mom said she thought we would never stop hitting each other. We were still consistently administering beatdowns when we were 14…way too old.
Please show this to your sister. It is lovely.
Take heart in knowing that this is not restricted to same sex siblings. My older sister and I (same age difference) were engaged in closed cage smack down for much of our early lives. It wasn’t until she went away to college that we really began to get close.
You should print this, box it up, throw in a hair-chopped Skipper, wrap it up with a bow and send it overnight to Pumpkin Head.
Lem: I sent it… I hope it heals and doesn’t hurt.
RR: Once I left things got better… between me and my parents as well. But that’s a story for another day.
Frecks: Lem already told me I didn’t have a choice. I hope it was the right thing to do…
aww this was really sweet – I always wanted a sister. I have two older brothers and we are so far apart in age it sucks and I feel more like the only child. I love the pictures you used — awesome post.
This is really sweet.
My one sister is 16 months younger than me and the other is 2 years younger than her and so we never really had sibling rivalry because of how close in age we were…but my little brother was born 4 years after my youngest sister and half their childhood was spent fighting. (former youngest and new youngest syndrome i guess)
As the oldest, its really nice to see them friends now–at 25 and 21…just like you and your sis.
Its a relief and a joy…even just from the sister perspective.
I imagine your mom feels the same way.
My brother gives me helpful bicycle-fixing advice and sends me funny YouTube videos. It’s the closest we’ve ever been. He’s older, I’m younger. It works.
Zip: Thanks much. Maybe it might have worked better if she was a boy, because I wouldn’t have been able to beat up on her as much and we wouldn’t have had the same toys… having said that, we made it through the wilderness, and I wouldn’t trade my baby sister for any smelly boy in the world.
My love, AKA Kassyk: I can absolutely guarantee you my parents are thrilled that we are no longer at each other’s throats (all the time). Growing up is a strange and beautiful thing…
Marissa: We now bond over Jim Gaffigan stand-up and Arrested Development quotes. You’ve got to find what works for you.
Oh my God, I love this post! Concidentally enough my sister is 20 and I’m 23… I feel the age gap thing. Being the oldest I also feel the advantage of working that to one’s own advantage.
It sounds like you two have one awesome relationship now so good on ya!
Take care chica!
I’m the middle child between two sisters, one 4 years my senior, one 6 years my junior. I’m closer to them now than I ever was, even though we aren’t blood-related. Sometimes it just takes years to realize that the differences are limited and temporary, and family prevails.
Daszzle: Things are better, for sure. There is peace, and I do enjoy the little time we spend together. I just wish we were closer.
66: Agreed 100%. Family (whatever it means to you) is forever.
My siblings are 9 and 14 years older than me. My only brother is ex-military and very religious. I on the other hand am a an ex-hippie type and like to describe myself as a “reformed Druid”. We are polar opposites politically, as you might imagine. We never discuss politics, religion, race, or anything else that might be considered remotely controversial, and we get along just fine.
Gilahi: My mom’s sister (and her family) are MISSIONARIES. My mother and I are atheists, or at least, Don’t-Give-a-Shit-ists. I agree, as long as we talk about food, family and work and keep the blood of Christ (AKA wine) flowing, everything is fine.
Since my brother and I were living in the same town for the past year or so, we got (a lil) closer in that I invited him over for dinner every week and of course he accepted–he’s after all in college and lives on pizza and taco bell (plus-who can resist my cooking?). So that was nice, but when I moved away last week and he came over to help me move, I was a MESS when he left.
I know I am now only about 4.5 hours away from him, but I have always felt like I needed to be near him to take care of him…I was BAWLING after he left. Maybe it’s because when our parents split, I was often forced to take on the mother role, but I know exactly how you’re feeling. When we grow up we tend to look back on our siblings and wish we were closer than we were.
I think it gets better with age because I might have been crazy but when I gave him a hug as we left town, I thought I almost detected teary eyes in him too. (Or at the very least, eyes that said he was sad I was leaving too.)
Kbo: I know you and he had gotten closer- I’m sure he’s going to miss having his big sis around, especially to cook him dinner!