The Red Sox are the New Yankees… and Effing Proud of It.

“The Red Sox are the new Yankees.”

This is the general sentiment in our great nation, especially from an outsider’s perspective whose fanship is not to either team. Even in Boston, I think we’re all well aware of the torch that’s been passed to us from the Bronx: we are now, officially, The Worst Fans In Baseball. The thing is, we’ve embraced it. We love it. We earned it. A new dynasty is born… (and goddamn it, it’s ABOUT TIME). (Ed. note: Think this guy is a stretch? You’re wrong.)

New Englanders in general, I believe, are perceived by others to be an obnoxious people. We’re loud. We’re proud. We’re pushy. We’re cold. We’re too busy for you and your stupid touristy questions. Which way to Cheers? Oh, you mean the tourist trap that sells overpriced t-shirts in Faneuil Hall and has nothing to do with the actual set of the show? Why don’t you just go get on a goddamn Duck Tour and drown. (Dear lord, if I never hear that QUACK QUACK QUACKING again, it will be too soon.)

So, yeah, we can be a little… abrasive, if you will. (You will.) BUT, we also the most fiercely loyal people you will ever meet. Ever heard the expression, “they’ll let you on the porch, but not through the front door”, referring to a type of Southern hospitality? Well, in Massachusetts, people generally don’t get within two feet of the porch… but if you do, it means you’re through the door and eating dinner at my table, and that’s where you’ll stay for life.

Here’s how I see it: this means that I, in typical New Englander fashion, identify the few people I love dearly and from that point on, they are in my circle. I will do anything for them. I will go above and beyond to make them happy, to help them in any way I can, to let them know they are loved.

By the same token, I am extremely protective of those in my circle. The words “If you hurt my friend, I will END YOU” have left my lips more times than I care to admit, and I’ve meant it. In turn, my GBFF has decked not one, but two different asshats who effed with his girl. When you’re a Masshole, the idea of ‘having someone’s back’ takes on a whole new meaning.

It’s not an easy circle to get into, but if you know a true Yankee, you know it’s worth it.

On the other hand, however, anyone on the OUTSIDE of the circle… is basically scum. It’s harsh, I know, but it’s true. Unless I have a social connection or obligatory affiliation with you, chances are I probably don’t care for you much. Especially if you’re standing on the left side of the Metro escalator when I’m late for work. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not rude to strangers… both working in the service industry and living in the South have taught me the importance (and benefits) of keeping polite company (i.e., I usually keep my thoughts to myself.)

Am I glad that I moved to the Cack and, consequently, had my Masshole edges smoothed out a little bit? Definitely.

Will I still make anyone who fucks with my friends very, very sorry?

You bet your sweet ass I will.