Cheese and Bacon Makes Me Warm and Fuzzy Inside (Perhaps the Wine Helped Too)

So, I finally made it to Top Chef Spike’s much-hullabalooed-about burger joint last night after a few failed attempts (due to hangovers, unexpected drunken evenings, cancellations, etc.)… and honestly, it was great. Anyone who knows me is well aware that I will gladly juggle kittens on fire for a killer cheeseburger and fries, so I went into this with relatively high expectations, and I’m glad to say that overall, it delivered.

Spike was actually the first thing we saw when we walked in- he was working the part of the counter closest to the door, crazy fedora and all, and popping out every now and then to chat up the crowd. He seemed super friendly and genuine, although obviously LOVING the attention, but hey, who wouldn’t? He was like me bartending, putting on a show and loving every second of it. Especially the star struck drunk girls, which I was most definitely not one of. Shut up, B. (I’m sorry, but it is totally weird/cool to see someone in person that you’ve been watching on TV for months.)

B and I took the plunge with my new friend Caitlin and her chef boyfriend, who introduced themselves to Spike (read her absolutely hilarious and historically accurate account of it here). He was warm and receptive- they exchanged numbers and I witnessed the beginning of a beautiful friendship. It’s always fun to watch fellow chefs consort, they have their own little club complete with secret handshake, I swear. Oh and yes, Caitlin, the frozen scallops should definitely NOT have been in freezer!

Since we had visited a good friend of mine bartending in Union Station for some pre-dinner lubrication, I was feeling exceptionally warm and fuzzy by the time we got to the Good Stuff Eatery. We were absolutely famished (and yes, I am aware that both of these facts most likely deepen the hue of my rosy-colored ravings, but it is what it is. And what it is was good).

I will say that the line of people there was super douchey (think Gtown trying-too-hard-on-a-Wednesday-night sundresses, salmon short-shorts, and popped collars galore. Is this normal for Capitol Hill? I’m not really familiar with it yet)… but this wasn’t about them. It was about red meat in my belly. And frankly, it provided endless amusement/material for mockery while we waited, very impatiently, to get to the front of the line. On the way there I tried to make eyes at one of the cooks in an effort to get our burgers more quickly (I dunno, made sense at the time?), but he just thought I was making eyes at him. Damn the prowess of my eye-fucking. I need to be more careful when I unveil their sexy power, I suppose. I just sort of thought he would realize the man next to me I couldn’t keep my hands off of was most likely my primary love interest, and that perhaps I was after something other than what was underneath his Good Stuff apron… like some moo-cow… but whatevs.

So we’re finally at the counter and we order A LOT; the Farmhouse Bacon Cheese, the Coletti’s Smokehouse, both the regular and the Village fries, and the Toasted Marshmallow shake. The only problem I had was that they don’t take temps?!? I was told they were all cooked medium (unless you wanted it charred.) I will say that the prices, however, were extremely reasonable- all that was only $23.

We grabbed some stools at the counter near the front door to people watch (and because there was barely a seat available in the house), and just a few (very hungry) minutes later, our buzzer went off.

VERDICTS:

Farmhouse Bacon Cheese: even though it was medium (and not bloody like I like it), the burger was juicy, the bun was squishy (and we all know from Lem’s experience elsewhere how important that is), the bacon was thick and crispy, and the cheese was melty and everywhere, just like it should be. Snaps for the ‘special sauce’ as well.

Coletti’s Smokehouse: B’s looked just as delicious as mine, with vidalia onion rings and bbq sauce to boot.

Fries: Both were kind of disappointing, actually, which normally would break my heart. They were kind of soggy, but I think if they had just come out of the fryer they would have been pretty damn good (they’d clearly been sitting out for a few minutes). The Village (rosemary) fries weren’t exactly revolutionary, but hey, who doesn’t like rosemary?

And the reason the fries didn’t break my heart (besides the fact that I was chin deep in a delicious bacon cheeseburger):

Toasted Marshmallow shake: This thing was good. Like unreal good. Like, someone-literally-milked-a-cow-and-immediately-made-fresh-vanilla-bean-ice- cream-from good. Mama like. There were two (toasted! Get it?) marshmallows on the top and the boys didn’t stand a chance… guess we’ll have to go back.

Mayo: We also tried the Old Bay and Mango mayos, thumbs up on both.

So yes, I will go back, armed with these two troublemakers and ready to let the Milky Way shake steal my heart.