For Realsies?

by rachaelgking on July 30, 2008

So, apparently the internet shopping world hasn’t gotten the memo that I’m off the dating market. What makes me say that? Well, my friend, perhaps it’s because yesterday, I received THIS via snail-mail…

Text: I make it a habit to have, at any given time, a ring in my possession that can pass as an engagement ring… I just slip on the ring and instant man repellant.

Wow… just wow… I mean, even I’ll admit I thought the Rejection Hotline was kind of a great idea, but this is a little crazy, no? It’s one thing to blow off some pushy jackass who won’t take a hint, but to actually purchase a fake engagement ring, and carry it around with you 24/7, just in case you feel like shutting out half of the human race for the evening? Or, more likely, actually want to pretend that you’re engaged, which is a whole new set of issues altogether. It just seems wrong. And more importantly, incredibly self-absorbed. And effing REDONCULOUS.

Please let me make it clear that I have absolutely NO idea why they have my mailing address, as I am positive I have not given this company any of my hard-earned dollars, internet-shopaholic or no. That said, if I HAD to buy something from this website, it would definitely be this:

For the bargain price of $450.00, how could I possibly resist?! THIS I could see wearing out to a bar… and when Joe Schmo doesn’t get the hint, all you’d have to do is lift your bedazzled pinky in the air as you sipped on a fruity libation of choice, and slowly drawl…

“When pigs fly, darling… When pigs fly.”

Mama said share.

{ 19 comments }

1 Velvet July 30, 2008 at 4:50 pm: The idea of owning that pink bejeweled flying pig ring makes me want to retract my current bid on ebay for the megatouch machine. You know the ones right? They have them in bars! You work in a bar. Do YOU have a megatouch? I must own one, though, I could certainly bring my pig-ring to more places…

The feminist in me really hates the idea of buying a fake engagement ring, as if the only thing we should aspire to is getting married.
2 freckledk July 30, 2008 at 5:00 pm: That ring is awesome. I want one. Not as badly as Velvet wants that Megatouch (trust me, she’s obsessed), but pretty f’in badly.
3 Capitol Hill 20210 July 30, 2008 at 5:06 pm: speechless on this one – all I have to do is tell guys where I work and thats repellant enough
4 LivitLuvit July 30, 2008 at 5:11 pm: Velvet: YES, we have a megatouch, and they are teh awesome. I’ve spent many a night at bars holed up with some Naked Photo Hunt. And you don’t have to worry about carrying it around… if you build it, they will come to you.

Frecks: I think we should all chip in and get one to share. We can take turns with it on girls’ nights out… The Sisterhood of the Flying Pig Ring.

Zip: Don’t sweat it. If a woman with power really puts him off so much, he’s obvi a scumbag and a waste of time anyway. Plus, his mom’s a whore.
5 restaurantrefugee July 30, 2008 at 5:31 pm: Anyone that can connect fake engagement rings and 70s sitcom references in the same paragraph is my heroine for the day.
6 Shannon July 30, 2008 at 5:35 pm: I sort of want that ring. What I do to repel men is discuss feminist theory, my divorce, and that time I…oh, I have tons of “That Time I…” stories. If he’s still around after that, he’s the guy for me!
7 LivitLuvit July 30, 2008 at 5:44 pm: RR: I do what I can.
8 LivitLuvit July 30, 2008 at 6:04 pm: Shannon: See, the flying pig could be the new mascot of the “I’m a Feminist with Socially-Defined ‘Baggage’ Who Talks a LOT About the Fun I’ve Had That You’ll Have to Live Up To”… TEH AWESOME.
9 Shannon July 30, 2008 at 7:07 pm: LivitLuvit – but the flying pig would also need, like, horns or an Uzi or something.
10 LivitLuvit July 30, 2008 at 7:17 pm: Shannon: We’re feminists. We can have it all.
11 I-66 July 30, 2008 at 8:35 pm: …what the crap is going on in these comments? I want a recount.
12 Downbeat July 30, 2008 at 9:25 pm: Is it incredibly awful if I want the pig ring instead of an engagement ring when the time comes?
13 LivitLuvit July 30, 2008 at 9:28 pm: i-66: No do-overs. Play fair…

Downbeat: HAHAHA no in fact that is AWESOME and I lurve it. You can share it with me.
14 Velvet July 30, 2008 at 11:35 pm: OMG. What bar! I must know. I want to come there!!! The man and I have scoped out a local bar but no one has offered to “reserve” our seats for the standing Saturday 5 p.m. visit.
15 Tina July 31, 2008 at 3:23 am: Ok – they are totally wrong on this one. I have always gotten hit on way more often and way more persistantly while wearing engagement/ wedding rings. They are not man repellent they are asshole bait.
16 LivitLuvit July 31, 2008 at 12:29 pm: Velvet: I’ll email you darlin. And I don’t think you’ll have a problem, though I won’t be there… Saturday afternoons are relatively slow for our bar.

Tina: Yeah, I definitely think you’re right on that one, especially bc Mr. Asshat sees the engagement ring and thinks, “She’s probably looking for one last fling, AND no strings! Perfect!” For these guys, not even the Rejection Hotline is enough, but a swift knee to the left one might do the trick. (Kidding… sort of…)
17 miss j July 31, 2008 at 1:26 pm: Thanks for all the drinks tuesday night. i had a great time talking with the rando from PA. wednesday was rough but good times!
18 LivitLuvit July 31, 2008 at 1:34 pm: Miss J: No worries darlin- very glad to have y’all in on what was otherwise an excruciatingly boring night!
19 Lisa August 5, 2008 at 5:42 pm: I love love love the pig ring. It totally makes me giggle, and if it were super cheap, I would definitely buy it.