I don’t think people get how technologically challenged my office really is. Other people my age, who shall remain nameless- oops!- have offices full of fun twenty-somethings who are more than willing to cut out of work early on a Friday afternoon and go get trashed on half-priced bottles of wine. My office is full of middle-aged rich white guys with wives (and ex-wives) they can’t stand and kids whose baseball games they miss. They also have a tendency to probe me for information about my “crazy weekend!” every Monday so they can live vicariously through me. Sorry y’all, go watch some of the endless hours of porn you have stashed on your hard drive if you want some entertainment. I’m hungover from wayyyyy too much sangria and your words are making my hair hurt. (Ed. note: you know you’re hungover when taking a vitamin almost makes you vom on your keyboard. B, I blame you. I mean, love you darling!)
I try to explain to others just how “special” the guys in my office really are (can you hear the short bus honking? You’re late, Timmy!), but it truly is mind-boggling… at least three times a day, I have to show one of them how to zoom in and out because his Excel spreadsheet is “too small to read.” (Yes, I have continually pointed out the ZOOM PERCENTAGE on his toolbar. Doesn’t matter.) Another one makes me eject his iPod for him daily. They all know they’re not allowed to print anything sized on paper other than letter, because they’ll inevitably fuck it up- they have to get one of the under-30s to do it. And don’t even talk to me about scanning something to email, or heaven forbid, double-sided copies.
This past weekend, all of our computers were shut down for a scheduled power outage. No big deal, right? WRONG. We admin youngsters just had to show not one, not two, but THREE of our so-called bosses (who make, oh, eleventy-billion times more money than we do) how to turn their computers on. And I don’t mean, like, how to log in and all that once it’s booted up… I mean, quite literally, that they were not even aware that a button had to be pushed in order to TURN THE THING ON. All I could picture was a group of hunched-over cavemen staring at it, Zoolander-style, thumping it and screeching like a monkey… “The files are IN the computer?!?”
Serenity now…
{ 21 comments }
I worked at a law firm in college. Daily, I had to show one of the partners how to BCC people on emails. Quite the painful endeavor.
Kinda makes you what technology 20 years from now when we’re in our mid-late 40′s will make us seem comparatively stupid.
Lem: Fo shiz. Redic! (Although, I totally have accidentally sent out an email to our ENTIRE CLIENT LIST without bccing it… whoopsies! But I was hungover. Not dumb.)
i-66: I know, I worry about that too… but honestly, unless something as amazingly innovative and world-changing as computers and the internet are invented, I think we’ve hopefully developed the skills necessary to cope with learning new technology.
Which, of course, could totally happen. Then we’re fucked.
dude…have i mentioned that its utterly amazing to me that someone else in the dc area knows the same “lines” and jokes that i do??!?!
i heart you livitluvit.
first you reference a “zoolander” line and then say “vomitous”.
i am swooning darling. swooning.
KassyK: I think a Zoolander viewing is in order tonight… before things go any farther between me and B, I think it’s only fair that he be informed that I know every single line, every note of the score, and each physical nuance and inflection of a variety of awesomely bad movies… (see: The Princess Bride, Super Troopers, Ferris Bueller, Anchorman…) After all, me saying the lines along with characters of my favorite movies is something he needs to decide if he can deal with. Because it will never stop.
And I heart you too, you smelly pirate hooker. Get down here and do something with my mess of hair already!
Bill Lumbergh: “Oh, and remember: next Friday… is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.”
Lach: Ah! Yeah. It’s just we’re putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports before they go out now. So if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that’d be great. All right!
Waaaaait a second. Super Troopers is NOT a bad movie, friend.
Want me to Dimpasize your meal for 25 cents?
Want me to punchasize your face for free?
DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?!
And don’t get me started on The Princess Bride.
No no no, of course it’s not! They’re AWESOMELY BAD, which is completely different. This can usually be applied to anything from the 80s, like Eddie Money, or a crimped side ponytail.
Thanks for the new cooking blog!
I’m straddling the line of incompetence and proficiency. I wonder what my intern would have to say about my computer skills – I’m sure he mocks me somewhat. But I at least don’t need for him to show me how to make a double sided copy or scan to email.
Anon- You’re welcome chica! You’re going to lurve Lemmonex…
Freckledk- these guys also have beer guts and hair growing out of their ears. A cute girl with freckles can get away with so much more… Viva la Irish!
Btw, one of the worst (and most annoying) ones retired this morning!!! YAYYYYYY
I’m gonna pistolwhip the next guy that says shenanigans.
Farva, what’s the name of that place you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks?
You mean Shenanigans?
(you know they’re making a Super Troopers 2, yes?)
Captain O’Hagan: There was a time when we’d take a guy like you in the back and beat you with a hose. Now you’ve got your God-damned unions!
Farva: Captain, you know I’m not a pro-union guy!
Dear lord, I can’t wait… between that and the Arrested Development movie, I am one happy girl.
Yeah, you’re all antsy in your pantsy.
i know im late to this party….
but..i cant believe i-66 let you slide on…
MEN…ZOOM RATIO..& TOOLBAR….
hehehe ..
xoxo
Suicide- HA true story!!! Thank goodness someone’s on the ball…