At Least One Good Thing About the DC PUA Blogs…

Men, especially in DC, need serious help picking up chicks.

I mean, think about it. Yesterday, I wrote about actually meeting a guy who came up to her at a bar and said, “Hi, my name’s XXXX”. The fact that that was basically the inspiration for the post should tell you something about DC, or maybe American guys in general.

Although KassyK expressed a sentiment a few days ago that I believe is universally shared by the sane and open-minded women who sometimes read or comment on the many PUA blogs in DC, I do hope that the relatively new industry might actually help some of the men in our fair city to find some damn cajones.

This is going to be difficult to explain without sounding arrogant (and that’s really not what I’m going for here), but I’m going to try. I’m fun, open and inviting, and incredibly sociable (hence the whole bartender/extrovert thing). I’m entertaining, and sometimes I even border on funny- especially of the self-effacing humor variety. I’ve got more personality than I know what to do with, and am described as “feisty” or “a firecracker” on a weekly basis. I surround myself with interesting and energetic people. And, for the sake of this argument (it’s science, people), I will admit that I look pretty damn good. My girlfriends look pretty damn good. Even my guy friends look pretty damn good (biases aside, seriously.)

My point is, when I’m single, I almost never meet guys out on the town (day or night, although I understand ‘day game’ is more difficult- yay booze, the social lubricant). Even when I do spot one that piques my interest, even if I catch him looking at me, even if I throw caution to the wind and maintain eye contact for a few seconds, even if I not-so-subtly go stand next to him at the bar and wait for him to smile and say Hi… 9 times out of ten, if I want to talk to him, I end up being the one who has to make what would technically be considered “the first move.”

I hate making the first move. But I’ve done it. Because life is short and the supply of truly cute and interesting men is even shorter, and I have nothing to lose, so why not? In fact, my efforts have rarely been met with anything other than enthusiasm. But that’s not the point. It’s just such a turn-off to have to be the aggressor. Men are supposed to be the hunters, to take the chances. I am super, super girly, and I don’t like playing that role at all. My girlfriends are always in awe, but all I can think is, I shouldn’t have had to do that. He obviously wanted to talk to me, which means he was just too scared to come say something. That is so unimpressive… he’s clearly not confident in himself, and ultimately, I would probably walk all over this guy.

Of course there is the obvious argument that the problem is with me. I know that I may come off as intimidating, being all outgoing and confident and what not. But the thing is, I’ve been self-aware of this possibility for a long time, and go out of my way to make sure that I still project an inviting demeanor- a good vibe, if you will- if there are prospects in my immediate vicinity. And if there’s one skill I have, it is being exceptionally aware of the people around me- how they’re feeling; what they’re doing and thinking; how I am being perceived. I notice every nuance of someone’s expressions and body language, I can’t help it.

And this is my blog, so you’re just going to have to trust me on all this.

My point is, it’s rare to find a man who has the confidence to ‘open.’ Which is really a shame, because I feel like many young singles are missing out on possible connections, simply because guys are too afraid of rejection to take a chance.

And believe me, I do recognize the argument that women can be cold or bitchy… I have friends who are that way, and it embarrasses me when they’re rude to a well-meaning guy who had the balls to come say hi, and I’ll tell them as much. But the bottom line is, men, that’s your job. You approach, and do it well, and we’ll listen. It’s all about the delivery.

Plus, I’m getting really sick of pretending to spill my drink on you- just a little bit- so you have to talk to me. The bend-and-snap is really hard to do in four inch heels. And here’s a tip, guys- if you look at me, and I make eye contact for anything longer than a SECOND; get your ass in gear and come say hello right now.*

*You know, if you’re interested. Obviously.