"I Choose My Choice, I Choose My Choice!" a la Charlotte York

Growing up in Massachusetts and going to a relatively liberal college (it was in the South, but it really is the school that the liberals down there flock to), I used to be of the mind that women’s rights and blah blah gender equality and blah blah 70 cents to the dollar and all that. My parents aren’t outrageously liberal; they just pushed me to do the normal go-to-college-to-get-a-good-job thing, but because I am fiercely protective of my reproductive rights and the gay rights of many of my closest friends, I think I just said to myself (being a naive 18 year old): “Ah yes, well then, I am clearly a very liberal feminist. Thus, I must agree with all things that my women’s studies classes are teaching me.”

And not that women’s studies aren’t valuable, but I had, (and I think many other young women of my generation have as well), lost the idea that there ARE differences between the male and the female, and that they developed for a reason. Recently, as I’ve been reflecting on what I truly want out of life and who I want to be (i.e. aging at a frightening pace), I feel that I have been able to once again reclaim my femininity, and embrace all that makes me a lovely and delicate flower. It’s almost like I’d been fighting it, like I’d been going out of my way to prove how tough I was, how I could be one of the guys, how I’m the “cool chick.” It feels like such a relief to finally admit, okay, maybe I do like to drink beer and watch sports, but I am still a complete headcase crazy woman/ball of estrogen who loves high heels, Sephora, and (squeee!) sex and the city. And you know what? THAT’S OK. I like to cook, and I don’t mind cleaning, as long as my guy will kill the bugs and deal with the cable guy and take the car into the garage. I like being retarded with my girlfriends, and when I occasionally go all psycho-woman on you (dear hypothetical boyfriend) over some neurotic issue, you’re just going to have to deal with it.

I’m reminded of something one of my friends in college said. She was the only girl in my sorority (I dropped out) that I liked; talking about the gender roles of men and women in the family one day, she said, “There’s a quote from “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” where the mother says, ‘The man is the head [of the family], but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.’” She said that was how she felt, and at the time, I thought she was crazy and old-fashioned, and that the viewpoint devalued women. Now, a few years later and a little wiser, I think she was/is absolutely right. I understand that though men and women have may have different positions in a relationship or marriage, neither is more important than the other; they are equally strong, and can complement each other perfectly. It is the way we fit together, with our individual strengths, that makes a union between the masculine and feminine work so well.

During those women’s studies classes, I always felt like I was just regurgitating facts about why women and men should be 100% equal in every single way. It never really clicked. And that’s because I don’t WANT to be. I want a man who will take care of me, and I want to take care of him, in our respective ways. And it just makes sense.