You all know this game by now. Time for another installment of “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says.” Woot!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Watching the cats, which are about a year old now (!).

B: Are they going to get bigger?

Me: Maybe a little bit, but no, this is pretty much it.

B: Goddamm it! I wanted giant cats!

Me: The hell? You said you were sad when they got bigger!

B: I either wanted tiny cats or HUGE cats! Not medium sized!

Me: ……….

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While watching “Fringe“…

B: Wouldn’t it suck if your son died and you stole a new one from another dimension and then HE died?

Me: Well, couldn’t you just get another from another dimension?

B: It’s not that easy!

Me: You don’t know that.

B: I’ve done it twice already.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sitting on the couch…

B: I’m gonna go get my poop on. Oh wait… we’re out of toilet paper. Never mind.

Me: You’re not going to poop because there’s no TP? We have paper towels.

B: Nah…. I went earlier today. Not worth it. It’s not a diarrhea or anything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

B looks up from the Medieval-ish book he’s reading, A Game of Thrones.

B: I want a Direwolf!

Me: Qué?

B: It’s a wolf as big as a horse.

Me: But what about the kitties?

B: Well it wouldn’t eat US or the kitties… only other people! [Dumbfounded] You don’t want this?!

Me: Baby, we didn’t get a DOG because we don’t have room.

B: Well, YEAH, but what if size didn’t matter? What if we had a farm??

Me: Well… can I ride it?

B: Of COURSE you can fucking ride it! Don’t be an ijit! I mean, look at Murray. He’s cute and all, but he’s so SMALL. And how many throats has he ripped out? NONE!!

Me: ……….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy weekend, y’all!

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{ 68 comments }

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and pasting the html code in the box below, or just link back to the hub with this link, so your readers can read ALLLLLLL the TMI glory, and I’ll make sure to link to you.***

TMI Thursday!!! (ew)

Now get ready, my darlings, for the ever popular, yet gravely feared, TMI THURSDAYS…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is time… for the tenth installment of TMI Thursday, a la Post Secret! If you’ve been living under a rock and don’t know what Frank Warren’s GENIUS idea is, click that link to be amazed. People from all over the world send him anonymous postcards, of anything they want, so long as it represents their own personal secret. And that’s what we’ve decided to do here, from our OWN little bloggy community… TMI style. (Click here for all the past entries.)

Please continue to send your picture TMITs in, any time. You can use the top secret anonymous email account to send it in (Gmail, username tmithursday, password tmit1234), and send them to me at heylivitluvit at gmail dot com. I suggest the free photo editing website Fotoflexer to make it super duper easy.

All righty, then. And away we go…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other awesomely bad TMIs this week…

Stephanie’s TMI Thursday: For Serious, I Am Too Busy Gagging To Even Come Up With A Decent Title For This One

Insomniac Lolita’s TMI Thursday : The Incident Down Under

That Kind of Girl’s TKOG Whose nasal hygiene is a marvel of prestidigitation (TMI Thursday)

Wendy’s TMI Thursday: Would you, could you, in a tree?

grilledcheeseandketchup’s TMI Thursday #2: Sham-poo

miss*H’s TMI Thursday: The one with the cottage cheese you would not like to eat!

LivingWicked’s TMIThursday: What? You Didn’t Get The *gag* Memo?

Adam L’s TMI Thursday: The Joys of Running, Part IV: I Can’t Hold It in Anymore!

Spleen’s So THAT’S where all the food went. Evil roommate.

Travis’ TMI Thursday: The First Person To Say, “Sounds Like You Had A Shitty Day,” Is Going To Get Donkey Punched.

Sebastian’s What men do in the shower, or ‘Seb sells out and gets naked on camera’

Cammy’s TMI Thursday: The Time I Crapped My Pants

Heather’s TMI Thursday: Poopie Party

Tricia’s TMIT: That Time I . . . Cried . . .

Amy’s TMI Thursday: To Wax or Not To Wax

Manderz’s TMI Thursday

Torn’s TMI Thursday – many small TMI confessions

Wonderful’s TMI Thursday: I have to pee

Cleveland Poet’s An autbot almost threw up on me or TMI Thursday

amber murphy’s TMI Thursday: isn’t that a ring on your finger?

ClaireMontgomeryMD’s tmi thursday: leftover pot roast

Simply T’s TMI Thursday: Bathroom Wars – Men Vs. Women

Vittoria’s TMI Thursday: Road Trip!

Vixations’ TMI Thursday: Group Masturbation

Brainless’ WAAAYYYY TMI Thursday

MJenks’ TMI Thursday: This Shit Has Got to Stop

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{ 40 comments }

I Want It Back.

March 10, 2010

Ten years ago, the best long distance runner on our track team was jealous of MY legs, and I was competing with the shot putters to see who could do more push-ups during calis.
Yes, it was ten years ago. Yes, I was 16 and didn’t yet have a curve to my name.
I don’t care.
I want it back.
I [...]

Read the full article →

In Which *I* Give Out Dating Advice?!?

March 9, 2010

…even though I haven’t been on an “I’m single” date in two years. *Evil cackle*
Head on over to read about the “S.C.O.R.E. System,” a la LiLu. And add your 2 cents while you’re at it.

Read the full article →

B Tells You What To Do With Your Life, Part III

March 8, 2010

Hey kids, it’s time for a third round of responses to B’s new advice column!
(Past editions here, or for more B, check out “The Shiz My Boyfriend Says” here.)
Things to know:

I have in no way read his responses. Like at all. I lit-rally just copied and pasted here. So, uh… yeah. This should be interesting.
I’m [...]

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Hodge Podge of Happiness, Viral Style

March 5, 2010

The videos that made me happy in my pants this week.
This is bootleg, BUT SO WORTH IT. From Tosh.O last night…

Next up, this one is… decent. But it was really B’s commentary after he showed it to me that made it:

me: weak
B: i liked it.
me: it’s the same thing for a whole minute!
B: yeah, but [...]

Read the full article →

TMI Thursday: Clint Eastwood Would’ve Lost This Stand Off

March 4, 2010

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
Steal this button and put it in your post just by copying and [...]

Read the full article →

Debbie Does Dallas 14: “My Gym Locker Room”

March 3, 2010

Dear ladies in the OFFICE BUILDING gym locker room,
Tatas. Hoo-has. Heinies of all shapes and sizes.
We’ve all got ‘em, to be sure. I’ve seen a boob or ten in my day, and I in no way oppose nudity. I am no Charlotte York; a good skinny dip never hurt anybody. (Unless you can’t swim. Then [...]

Read the full article →

The Rules to PWNing Karaoke, a la LiLu

March 1, 2010

I woke up yesterday morning to an SOS message in my inbox.
“Dear Lilu…aka Karaoke Queen….
I have NEVER been….
I have been invited to go….
March 13….
Would you consider writing a blog post on HOW TO KARAOKE?
I mean seriously….how many drinks are involved?
Do you pick a song based on ease of lyrics or personal love?
I am intrigued and [...]

Read the full article →

Five Hundred Fucking Posts?? Well Hot Damn, Let’s Have a Roast!!!

February 26, 2010

Last week, I glanced at my wordpress dashboard and something caught my eye.
Posts: 493
Wait. What? That must be counting, like, 100 drafts, right??
Nope. It is true, my friends. Today marks the day I have poisoned the interwebs with my drivel Five. Hundred. Times.
After I got over the initial shock, it dawned on me that something [...]

Read the full article →